Perverted Proverbs: A Manual of Immorals for the Many — Potpourri.

_Potpourri.

_ There are many more Maxims to which I would like to accord a front place, But alas!

I have got To omit a whole lot, For the lack of available space;

And the rest I am forced to boil down and condense To the following Essence of Sound without Sense: Now the Pitcher that journeys too oft To the Well will get broken at last.

But you'll find it a fact That, by using some tact, Such a danger as this can be past.

(There's an obvious way, and a simple, you'll own, Which is, if you're a Pitcher, to Let Well alone.

) Half a loafer is never well-bred, And Self-Praise is a Dangerous Thing.

And the Mice are at play When the Cat is away, For a moment, inspecting a King.

(Tho' if Care kills a Cat, as the Proverbs declare, It is right to suppose that the King will take care.

) Don't Halloo till you're out of the Wood, When a Stitch in Good Time will save nine, While a Bird in the Hand Is worth Two, understand, In the Bush that Needs no Good Wine.

(Tho' the two, if they _Can_ sing but Won't, have been known, By an accurate aim to be killed with one Stone.

) Never Harness the Cart to the Horse;

Since the latter should be _a la carte_.

And Birds of a Feather Come Flocking Together, Because they can't well Flock Apart.

(You may cast any Bread on the Waters, I think, But, unless I'm mistaken, you can't make it Sink.

) It is only the Fool who remarks That there Can't be a Fire without Smoke;

Has he never yet learned How the gas can be turned On the best incombustible coke?

(Would you value a man by the checks on his suits, And forget "_que c'est le premier passbook qui Coutts_?"

) Now "_De Mortuis Nil Nisi Bo- num_," is Latin, as ev'ryone owns;

If your domicile be Near a Mortuaree, You should always avoid throwing bones.

(I would further remark, if I could,--but I couldn't-- That People Residing in Glasshouses shouldn't. ) You have heard of the Punctual Bird, Who was First in presenting his Bill;

But I pray you'll be firm, And remember the Worm Had to get up much earlier still;

(So that, if you _can't_ rise in the morning, then Don't;

And be certain that Where there's a Will there's a Won't. ) You can give a bad name to a Dog, And hang him by way of excuse;

Whereas Hunger, of course, Is by far the Best Sauce For the Gander as well as the Goose.

(But you shouldn't judge anyone just by his looks, For a Surfeit of Broth ruins too many Cooks.

) With the fact that Necessity knows Nine Points of the Law, you'll agree.

There are just as Good Fish To be found on a Dish As you ever could catch in the Sea.

(You should Look ere you Leap on a Weasel Asleep, And I've also remarked That Still Daughters Run Cheap.

) The much trodden-on Lane _will_ Turn, And a Friend is in Need of a Friend;

But the Wisest of Saws, Like the Camel's Last Straws, Or the Longest of Worms, have an end.

So, before out of Patience a Virtue you make, A decisive farewell of these maxims we'll take.

_Envoi.

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