Perverted Proverbs: A Manual of Immorals for the Many — Envoi.

_"Don't Look a Gifthorse in the Mouth"_ I knew a man, who lived down South;

He thought this maxim to defy;

He looked a Gifthorse in the Mouth;

The Gifthorse bit him in the Eye!

And, while the steed enjoyed his bite, My Southern friend mislaid his sight.

Now, had this foolish man, that day, Observed the Gifthorse in the _Heel_, It might have kicked his brains away, But that's a loss he would not feel;

Because you see (need I explain?

) My Southern friend had got no brain.

When anyone to you presents A poodle, or a pocketknife, A set of Ping-pong instruments, A banjo or a Lady-wife, 'Tis churlish, as I understand, To grumble that they're second-hand.

And he who termed Ingratitude As "worser nor a servant's tooth" Was evidently well imbued With all the elements of Truth;

(While he who said "Uneasy lies The tooth that wears a crown" was wise).

"One must be poor," George Eliot said, "To know the luxury of giving;"

So too one really should be dead To realize the joy of living.

(I'd sooner be--I don't know which-- I'd _like_ to be alive and rich!

) _This_ book may be a Gifthorse too, And one you surely ought to prize;

If so, I beg you, read it through With kindly and uncaptious eyes, Not grumbling because this particular line doesn't happen to scan, And this one doesn't rhyme!