Flaw in the Crystal — Chapter 13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Rodney entered the room and it was then that Milly looked at her.
Milly's face was no longer the face of passion, but of sadness and reproach, almost of recovered incredulity.
It questioned rather than accused her.
It said unmistakably, "You gave him up for _that_?"
Agatha's voice recalled her.
"Milly, I think you know Mr. Lanyon."
Rodney, in acknowledging Milly's presence, did not look at her.
He saw nothing there but Agatha's face which showed him at last the expression that to his eyes had always been latent in it, the look of the tragic, hidden soul of terror that he had divined in her.
He saw her at last as he had known he should some day see her.
Terror was no longer there, but it had possessed her; it had passed through her and destroyed that other look she had from her lifted mouth and hair, the look of a thing borne on wings.
Now, with her wings beaten, with her white face and haggard eyes, he saw her as a flying thing tracked down and trampled under the feet of the pursuer.
He saw it in one flash as he stood there holding Milly's hand.
Milly's face had no significance for him.
He didn't see it.
When at last he looked at her his eyes questioned her, they demanded an account from her of what he saw.
For Agatha Milly's face, prepared as it was for leave-taking, remained charged with meaning; it refused to divest itself of reproach and of the incredulity that challenged her.
Agatha rose to it.
"You're not going, Milly, just because he's come?
You needn't." Milly _was_ going.
He rose to it also.
If Mrs. Powell _would_ go like that--in that distressing way--she must at least let him walk back with her.
Agatha wouldn't mind.
He hadn't seen Mrs. Powell for ages.
He had risen to such a height that Milly was bewildered by him.
She let him walk back with her to the Farm and a little way beyond it.
Agatha said good-bye to Milly at the garden gate and watched them go.
Then she went up into her own room.
He was gone so long that she thought he was never coming back again.
She did not want him to come back just yet, but she knew that she was not afraid to see him.
It did not occur to her to wonder why in spite of her message he had come, nor why he had come by an earlier train than usual; she supposed that he must have started before her message could have reached him.
All that, his coming or his not coming, mattered so little now.
For now the whole marvellous thing was clear to her.
She knew the secret of the gift.
She saw luminously, almost transparently, the way it worked.
Milly had shown her.
Milly knew; Milly had seen; she had put her finger on the flaw.
It was not fear, Milly had been right there too.
Until the moment when Harding Powell had begun to get at her Agatha had never known what fear felt like.
It was the strain of mortality in her love for Rodney; the hidden thing, unforeseen and unacknowledged, working its work in the darkness.
It had been there all the time, undermining her secret, sacred places.
It had made the first breach through which the fear that was not _her_ fear had entered.
She could tell the very moment when it happened.
She had blamed poor little Milly, but it was the flaw, the flaw that had given their deadly point to Milly's interference and Harding's importunity.
But for the flaw they could not have penetrated her profound serenity.
Her gift might have been trusted to dispose of them.
For before that moment the gift had worked indubitably; it had never missed once.
She looked back on its wonders; on the healing of herself;
the first healing of Rodney and Harding Powell; the healing of Bella.
It had worked with a peculiar rhythm of its own, and always in a strict, a measurable proportion to the purity of her intention.
To Harding's case she had brought nothing but innocent love and clean compassion; to Bella's nothing but a selfless and beneficent desire to help.
And because in Bella's case at least she had been flawless, out of the three Bella's was the only cure that had lasted.
It had most marvellously endured.
And because of the flaw in her she had left Harding worse than she had found him.
No wonder that poor Milly had reproached her.
It mattered nothing that Milly's reproaches went too far, that in Milly's eyes she stood suspected of material sin (anything short of the tangible had never been enough for Milly); it mattered nothing that (though Milly mightn't believe it) she had sinned only in her thought;
for Agatha, who knew, that was enough; more than enough; it counted more.
For thought went wider and deeper than any deed; it was of the very order of the Powers intangible wherewith she had worked.
Why, thoughts unborn and shapeless, that ran under the threshold and hid there, counted more in that world where It, the Unuttered, the Hidden and the Secret, reigned.
She knew now that her surrender of last night had been the ultimate deliverance.
She was not afraid any more to meet Rodney; for she had been made pure from desire; she was safeguarded forever.
He had been gone about an hour when she heard him at the gate again and in the room below.
She went down to him.
He came forward to meet her as she entered; he closed the door behind them; but her eyes held them apart.
"Did you not get my wire?"
she said.
"Yes.
I got it."
"Then why ..."
"Why did I come?
Because I knew what was happening.
I wasn't going to leave you here for Powell to terrify you out of your life."
"Surely--you thought they'd gone?"
"I knew they hadn't or you wouldn't have wired."
"But I would.
I'd have wired in any case."
"To put me off?"
"To--put--you--off."
"Why?"
He questioned without divination or forewarning.
The veil of flesh was as yet over his eyes, so that he could not see.
"Because I didn't mean that you should come, that you should ever come again, Rodney."
He smiled.
"So you went back on me, did you?"
"If you call it going back."
She longed for him to see.
"That was only because you were frightened," he said.
He turned from her and paced the room uneasily, as if he saw.
Presently he drew up by the hearth and stood there for a moment, puzzling it out;
and she thought that he had seen.
He hadn't. He faced her with a smile again.
"But it was no good, dear, was it?
As if I wouldn't know what it meant.
You wouldn't have done it if you hadn't been ill.
You lost your nerve.
No wonder, with those Powells preying on you, body and soul, for weeks."
"No, Rodney, no. I didn't _want_ you to come back.
And I think--now--it would be better if you didn't stay."
It seemed to her now that perhaps he had seen and was fighting what he saw.
"I'm not going to stay," he said, "I am going--in another hour--to take Powell away somewhere."
He took it up where she had made him leave it.
"Then, Agatha, I shall come back again.
I shall come back--let me see--on Sunday."
She swept that aside.
"Where are you going to take him?"
"To a man I know who'll look after him."
"Oh, Rodney, it'll break Milly's heart."
She had come, in her agitation, to where he stood.
She sat on the couch by the corner of the hearth, and he looked down at her there.
"No," he said, "it won't. It'll give him a chance to get all right.
I've convinced her it's the only thing to do.
He can't be left here for you to look after."
"Did she tell you?"
"She wouldn't have told me a thing if I hadn't made her.
I dragged it out of her, bit by bit."
"Rodney, that was cruel of you."
"Was it?
I don't care.
I'd have done it if she'd bled."
"What did she tell you?"
"Pretty nearly everything, I imagine.
Quite enough for me to see what, between them, they've been doing to you."
"Did she tell you _how he got well_?"
He did not answer all at once.
It was as if he drew back before the question, alien and disturbed, shirking the discerned, yet unintelligible issue.
"Did she tell you, Rodney?"
Agatha repeated.
"Well, yes.
She _told_ me."
He seemed to be making, reluctantly, some admission.
He sat down beside her, and his movement had the air of ending the discussion.
But he did not look at her.
"What do you make of it?"
she said.
This time he winced visibly.
"I don't make anything.
If it happened--if it happened--like _that_, Agatha ..."
"It did happen."
"Well, I admit it was uncommonly queer."
He left it there and reverted to his theme.
"But it's no wonder--if you sat down to that for six weeks--it's no wonder you got scared.
It's inconceivable to me how that woman could have let you in for him.
She knew what he was."
"She didn't know what I was doing till it was done."
"She'd no business to let you go on with it when she did know."
"Ah!
but she knew--then--that it was all right."
"All right?"
"Absolutely right.
Rodney----" She called to him as if she would compel him to see it as it was.
"I did no more for him than I did for you and Bella."
He started.
"Bella?"
he repeated.
He stared at her.
He had seen something.
"You wondered how she got all right, didn't you?"
He said nothing.
"That was how."
And still he did not speak.
He sat there, leaning forward, staring now at his own clasped hands.
He looked as if he bowed himself before the irrefutable.
"And there was you, too, before that."
"I know," he said then; "I can understand _that_.
But--why Bella?"
"Because Bella was the only way."
She had not followed his thoughts nor he hers.
"The only way?"
he said.
"To work it.
To keep the thing pure.
I had to be certain of my motive, and I knew that if I could give Bella back to you that would prove--to me, I mean--that it was pure."
"But Bella," he said softly--"Bella.
Powell I can understand--and me."
It was clear that he could get over all the rest.
But he could not get over Bella.
Bella's case convinced him.
Bella's case could not be explained away or set aside.
Before Bella's case he was baffled, utterly defeated.
He faced it with a certain awe.
"You were right, after all, about Bella," he said at last.
"And so was I.
She didn't care for me, as I told you.
But she does care now."
She knew it.
"That was what I was trying for," she said.
"That was what I meant."
"You meant it?"
"It was the only way.
That's why I didn't want you to come back."
He sat silent, taking that in.
"Don't you see now how it works?
You have to be pure crystal.
That's why I didn't want you to come back."
Obscurely, through the veil of flesh, he saw.
"And I am never to come back?"
he said.
"You will not need to come."
"You mean you won't want me?"
"No. I shall not want you.
Because, when I did want you it broke down."
He smiled.
"I see.
When you want me, it breaks down."
He rallied for a moment.
He made his one last pitiful stand against the supernatural thing that was conquering him.
He had risen to go.
"And when _I_ want to come, when I long for you, what then?"
"_Your_ longing will make no difference."
She smiled also, as if she foresaw how it would work, and that soon, very soon, he would cease to long for her.
His hand was on the door.
He smiled back at her.
"I don't want to shake your faith in it," he said.
"You can't shake my faith in It."
"Still--it breaks down.
It breaks down," he cried.
"Never.
You don't understand," she said.
"It was the flaw in the crystal."
Soon, very soon he would know it.
Already he had shown submission.
She had no doubt of the working of the Power.
Bella remained as a sign that it had once been, and that, given the flawless crystal, it should be again.
* * * * * TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE:
The following changes have been made to the original text: Page 109: "there's" changed to "there" in "there he's been for years."
Page 110: added missing quotation mark before "Agatha, why can't we?"
Page 188: "shapless" changed to "shapeless" in "thoughts unborn and shapeless," Other variations in spelling and inconsistent hyphenation have been retained as they appear in the original book.
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