Nye and Riley's Wit and Humor — My Bachelor Chum

My Bachelor Chum O a corpulent man is my bachelor chum, With a neck apoplectic and thick, And an abdomen on him as big as a drum, And a fist big enough for the stick;

With a walk that for grace is clear out of the case, And a wobble uncertain--as though His little bow-legs had forgotten the pace That in youth used to favor him so.

He is forty, at least; and the top of his head Is a bald and a glittering thing;

And his nose and his two chubby cheeks are as red As three rival roses in spring.

His mouth is a grin with the corners tucked in And his laugh is so breezy and bright That it ripples his features and dimples his chin With a billowy look of delight.

He is fond of declaring he "don't care a straw"-- That "the ills of a bachelor's life Are blisses compared with a mother-in-law, And a boarding-school miss for a wife!"

So he smokes, and he drinks, and he jokes and he winks, And he dines, and he wines all alone, With a thumb ever ready to snap as he thinks Of the comforts he never has known.

But up in his den--(Ah, my bachelor chum!

) I have sat with him there in the gloom, When the laugh of his lips died away to become But a phantom of mirth in the room!

And to look on him there you would love him, for all His ridiculous ways, and be dumb As the little girl-face that smiles down from the wall On the tears of my bachelor chum.