Dandy Dick — Act 1 - Morning
THIS EVENING, THURSDAY, JANUARY 27, _At_ 8. 30 _punctually_, DANDY DICK.
AN ORIGINAL FARCE, IN THREE ACTS,
BY
A.
W.
PINERO.
THE VERY REV.
AUGUSTIN JEDD, D.
D. MR.
JOHN CLAYTON.
(Dean of St. Marvell's) SIR TRISTRAM MARDON, Bart MR. EDMUND MAURICE.
--th Hussars, MAJOR TARVER { quartered at } MR. F.
KERR.
MR.
DARBEY { Durnstone, near } MR. H.
EVERSFIELD.
St. Marvell's BLORE (Butler at the Deanery) MR. ARTHUR CECIL.
NOAH TOPPING (Constable at MR. W.
H.
DENNY.
St. Marvell's) HATCHAM (Sir Tristram's groom) MR. W.
LUGG.
GEORGIANA TIDMAN (a Widow, MRS. JOHN WOOD.
the Dean's sister) SALOME } the Dean's Daughters { MISS MARIE LEWES.
SHEBA } { MISS NORREYS.
HANNAH TOPPING (formerly in MISS LAURA LINDEN.
Service at the Deanery) ACT I. AT THE DEANERY, ST.
MARVELL'S.
(Morning.
) ACT II. THE SAME PLACE.
(Evening.
) ACT III.
--The Next Day.
Scene 1:--"_The Strong Box,_" _St.
Marvell's. Scene 2.
--The Deanery again.
_ The curtain will be lowered for a few minutes between the two scenes.
New Scenery by Mr. T.
W.
Hall.
Preceded, at Eight o'clock, by "THE NETTLE."
An Original Comedietta by ERNEST WARREN.
"Dandy Dick" was performed 171 times between the first night and the 22d of July, when, the old theatre being demolished, Mr. Clayton took a temporary lease of Toole's Theatre, and transferred the play thither, where it ran 75 nights more.
A company had already been sent out, under the auspices of the Court management, to perform "Dandy Dick" in the provinces; but, when the play was withdrawn from the London boards, Mr. Clayton set out himself with a company, and it was during this tour that he died at Liverpool.
In America Mr. Daly produced "Dandy Dick" with Miss Ada Rehan in Mrs. John Wood's part, but no very great success was achieved; whereas in Australia its reception was so enthusiastic that it ran for quite an unusual time both in Melbourne and Sydney.
In the character of the Dean, Mr. G.
W.
Anson achieved perhaps the greatest of his Australian successes, and Mr. Robert Brough made his mark as the policeman.
MALCOLM C.
SALAMAK.
_December_, 1892. DANDY DICK.
THE FIRST ACT.
_The morning-room in the Deanery of St. Marvells, with a large arched opening leading to the library on the right, and a deeply-recessed window opening out to the garden on the left.
It is a bright spring morning, and an air of comfort and serenity pervades the place.
_ _SALOME, a tall, handsome, dark girl, of about three-and-twenty, is sitting with her elbows resting on her knees, staring wildly into vacancy.
SHEBA, a fair little girl of about seventeen, wearing short petticoats, shares her despondency, and lies prostrate upon the settee.
_ SALOME.
Oh!
oh my!
oh my!
oh my!
SHEBA.
[_Sitting upright.
_] Oh, my gracious goodness, goodness gracious me!
[_They both walk about excitedly.
_ SALOME.
There's only one terrible word for it--it's a fix!
SHEBA.
It's worse than that!
It's a scrape!
How did you ever get led into it?
SALOME.
How did _we_ get led into it?
Halves, Sheba, please.
SHEBA.
It was Major Tarver's proposal, and I believe, Salome, that it is to _you_ Major Tarver is paying attention.
SALOME.
The Fancy Dress Masked Ball at Durnstone is promoted by the Officers of the Hussars.
I believe that the young gentleman you have impressed calls himself an officer, though he is merely a lieutenant.
SHEBA.
[_Indignantly.
_] Mr. Darbey is _certainly_ an officer--a small officer.
How dare you gird at me, Salome?
SALOME.
Very well, then.
When to-night we appear at the Durnstone Athenaeum, unknown to dear Papa, on the arms of Major Tarver and Mr. Darbey, I consider that we shall be equally wicked.
Oh, how can we be so wrong?
SHEBA.
Well, we're not wrong yet.
We're only _going_ to be wrong; that's a very different matter.
SALOME.
That's true.
Besides, there's this to remember--we're inexperienced girls and have only dear Papa.
But oh, now that the Ball is to-night, I repent, Sheba, I repent!
SHEBA.
I sha'n't do that till to-morrow.
But oh, how I _shall_ repent to-morrow!
SALOME.
[_Taking an envelope from her pocket, and almost crying.
_] You'd repent now if you had seen the account for the fancy dresses.
SHEBA.
Has it come in?
SALOME.
Yes, the Major enclosed it to me this morning.
You know, Sheba, Major Tarver promised to get the dresses made in London, so I gave him our brown paper patterns to send to the _costumier.
_ SHEBA.
[_Shocked.
_] Oh, Salome, do you think he quizzed them?
SALOME.
No; I sealed them up and marked outside "To be opened only by a lady."
SHEBA.
That's all right.
I hate the plan of myself in brown paper.
SALOME.
Well, of course Major Tarver begged to be allowed to pay for the dresses, and I said I couldn't dream of permitting it, and then he said he should be most unhappy if he didn't, and, just as I thought he was going to have his own way, [_bursting into tears_] he cheered up and said he'd yield to a lady.
[_Taking a large account from the envelope.
_] And oh!
he's yielded.
SHEBA.
Read it!
Don't spare me!
SALOME.
[_Reading.
_] "Debtor to Lewis Isaacs, _Costumier_ to the Queen, Bow Street.
One gown--period French Revolution, 1798--Fifteen guineas!"
SHEBA.
[_Sinking on her knees, clutching the table.
_] Oh!
SALOME.
"Trimmings, linings, buttons, frillings--Seven guineas!"
SHEBA.
[_Hysterically.
_] Yah!
SALOME.
That's mine!
SHEBA.
[_Putting her fingers into her ears.
_] Now for mine, oooh!
SALOME.
[_Reading.
_] "One skirt and bodice--flower girl--period uncertain--Ten guineas."
SHEBA.
Less than yours!
What a shame!
SALOME.
"Trimmings, linings, buttons, frillings--Five guineas!
Extras, Two guineas.
Total, Forty pounds, nineteen.
Ladies' own brown paper patterns mislaid.
Terms, Cash!"
[_They throw themselves into each other's arms.
_ SALOME.
Oh, Sheba!
SHEBA.
Salome!
Are there forty pounds in the wide world?
SALOME.
My heart weighs twenty.
What shall we do?
SHEBA.
If we were only a few years older I should suggest that we wrote nice notes to Papa and committed suicide.
SALOME.
Brought up as we have been, that's out of the question!
SHEBA.
Then let us be brave women and wear the dresses!
SALOME.
Of course we'll do that, but--the bill!
SHEBA.
We must get dear Papa in a good humor and coax him to make us a present of money.
He knows we haven't been charitable in the town for ever so long.
SALOME.
Poor dear Papa!
He hasn't paid our proper dressmaker's bill yet, and I'm sure he's pressed for money.
SHEBA.
But we can't help that when _we're_ pressed for money--poor dear Papa!
SALOME.
Suppose poor Papa refuses to give us a present?
SHEBA.
Then we must play the piano when he's at work on his Concordance--poor dear Papa!
SALOME.
However, don't let us wrong poor Papa in advance.
Let us try to think how nice we shall look.
SHEBA.
Oh yes--sha'n't I!
SALOME.
Oh, I shall!
And as for stealing out of the house with Major Tarver when poor dear Papa has gone to bed, why, Gerald Tarver would die for me!
SHEBA.
So would Nugent Darbey for me; besides I'm not old enough to know better.
SALOME.
You're not so very much younger than I, Sheba!
SHEBA.
Indeed, Salome!
Then why do you keep me in short skirts?
SALOME.
Why!
you cruel girl!
You know I can't lengthen you till I'm married!
[_BLORE, the butler, a venerable-looking person, with rather a clerical suggestion about his dress, enters by the window.
_ BLORE.
[_Benignly.
_] The two soldier gentlemen have just rode hup, Miss Salome.
[_The girls clutch each other's hands.
_ SALOME.
You mean Major Tarver?
SHEBA.
And Mr. Darbey.
They have called to inquire after poor Papa.
SALOME.
Poor Papa!
BLORE.
Shall I show them hin, Miss Sheba?
SHEBA.
Yes, Blore, dear, and hang your h's on the hat-stand.
[BLORE _laughs sweetly at SHEBA and shakes his fingers at her playfully.
_ BLORE.
[_Vindictively, behind their backs.
_] 'Ussies!
[_He goes out.
_ SALOME.
Am I all right, Sheba?
SHEBA.
Yes.
Am I?
SALOME.
Yes.
[_Looking out at window.
_] Here they are!
How well Gerald Tarver dismounts!
Oh!
SHEBA.
He left his liver in India, didn't he?
SALOME.
No--only part of it.
SHEBA.
Well--part of it.
SALOME.
And that he gave to his Queen, brave fellow!
SHEBA.
[_Seating herself in an artificial attitude.
_] Where shall we be--here?
SALOME.
[_Running to the piano.
_] All right; you be admiring my voice!
SHEBA.
Oh, I dare say!
SALOME.
Here they are, and we're doing nothing!
SHEBA.
Let's run away and then come in unconsciously.
SALOME.
Yes--unconsciously.
[_They run off through the Library.
BLORE shows in MAJOR TARVER and MR.
DARBEY, who are both in regimentals.
MAJOR TARVER is a middle-aged, tall, angular officer, with a thin face, yellow complexion, and red eyes.
He is alternately in a state of great excitement and depression.
MR.
DARBEY is a mere boy, but with a pompous, patronizing manner.
_ DARBEY.
The Dean's out of the way, eh!
BLORE.
Yes, sir, he his.
TARVER.
Eh?
How is the Dean?
Never mind--perhaps Miss Jedd is at home?
BLORE.
Yes, sir, she his.
TARVER.
It would be discourteous to run away without asking Miss Jedd after her father.
DARBEY.
[_Throwing himself on the settee.
_] Deuced bad form!
BLORE.
The ladies were 'ere a minute ago.
[_SALOME and SHEBA walk in together.
SALOME has her arm round her sister's waist and looks up to her with a sweet, trusting smile.
They start in confusion on seeing TARVER and DARBEY.
_ SALOME.
Major Tarver.
SHEBA.
Mr. Darbey.
TARVER.
[_Taking SALOME'S hand eagerly.
_] My dear Miss Jedd!
DARBEY.
[_Rising and putting a glass to his eye.
_] Hah yah!
Hah yah!
SALOME.
[_With her hand on her heart.
_] You quite startled us.
TARVER.
[_In an agony of contrition.
_] Oh, did we?
DARBEY.
Awfully cut up to hear it.
SHEBA.
We never dreamt of finding two visitors for Papa.
