Dandy Dick — Act 3 - The Next Day
THE THIRD ACT.
The first scene is the interior of a country Police Station, a quaint old room with plaster walls, oaken beams, and a gothic mullioned window looking on to the street.
A massive door, with a small sliding wicket and an iron grating, opens to a prisoner's cell.
The room is partly furnished as a kitchen, partly as a police station, a copy of the Police Regulations and other official documents and implements hanging on the wall.
It is the morning after the events of the previous act.
_HANNAH, a buxom, fresh-looking young woman, in a print gown, has been engaged in cooking while singing gayly.
_ HANNAH.
[_Opening a door and calling with a slight dialect.
_] Noah darling!
NOAH.
[_From another room--in a rough, country voice.
_] Yaas!
HANNAH.
You'll have your dinner before you drive your prisoner over to Durnstone, won't ye, darling?
NOAH.
Yaas!
HANNAH.
[_Closing the door.
_] Yaas!
Noah's in a nice temper to-day over summat.
Ah well, I suppose all public characters is liable to irritation.
[_There is a knock at the outer door.
HANNAH opening it, sees BLORE with a troubled look on his face.
_] Well I never!
Mr. Blore from the Deanery!
Come in!
You might knock me down with a----!
BLORE.
[_Entering and shaking hands mournfully.
_] How do you do, Mrs. Topping?
HANNAH.
And how is the dear Dean, bless him; the sweetest soul in the world?
BLORE.
[_To himself.
_] Good gracious!
She doesn't know of hour misfortune.
[_To HANNAH.
_] I--I 'aven't seen him this morning!
HANNAH.
Well, this is real kind of you, calling on an old friend, Edward.
When I think that I were cook at the Deanery seven years, and that since I left you, to get wedded, not a soul of you has been nigh me, it do seem hard.
BLORE.
Well, you see, 'Annah, the kitchen took humbrage at your marryin' a policeman at Durnstone.
It was regarded as a messyliance.
HANNAH.
Well, now Mr. Topping's got the appointment of Head Constable at St. Marvells, what's that regarded as?
BLORE.
A rise on the scales, 'Annah, a decided rise--but still you've honly been a week in St. Marvells and you've got to fight your way hup.
HANNAH.
I think I'm as hup as ever I'm like to be.
BLORE.
'Owever, Jane and Sarah and Willis the stable boy 'ave hunbent so far as to hask me to leave their cards, knowin' I was a callin'.
[_He produces from an old leather pocket-book three very dirty pieces of paste-board, which he gives to HANNAH.
_ HANNAH.
[_Taking them in her apron with pride.
_] Thank 'em kindly.
When's their evening?
BLORE.
We receive on Toosdays, at the side gate.
And 'ow are you, my dear?
[_Kissing her cheek.
_ HANNAH.
Don't, Edward Blore!
BLORE.
Don't!
When you was Miss Hevans there wasn't these social barriers, 'Annah!
HANNAH.
Shut up!
Noah's jealous of the very apron-strings what go round my waist.
I'm not so free and 'andy with my kisses now, I can tell you.
BLORE.
Then "what is friendship but a name!"
But Mr. Topping isn't indoors now, surely!
HANNAH.
[_Nodding her head.
_] Um--um!
BLORE.
Why, he took a man up last night!
HANNAH.
What of it?
BLORE.
Why, I thought that when hany harrest was made in St. Marvells, the prisoner was lodged here honly for the night and that the 'ead Constable 'ad to drive 'im over to Durnstone Police Station the first thing in the morning.
HANNAH.
That's the rule, but Noah's behindhand to-day, and ain't going into Durnstone till after dinner.
BLORE.
Then the prisoner is now hon the premises!
HANNAH.
Yes, he's in our cell.
BLORE.
Ah!
And where is the hapartment in question?
HANNAH.
The cell?
That's it!
BLORE.
[_Looking round in horror.
_] Oh!
HANNAH.
The "Strong-box" they call it in St. Marvells.
BLORE.
Oh, my goodness, honly fancy!
[_Whimpering to himself.
_] And 'im accustomed to his shavin' water at h'eight and my kindly hand to button his gaiters.
Oh, here's a warnin'!
HANNAH.
Whatever is the matter with you, Edward?
BLORE.
'Annah, 'Annah, my dear, it's this very prisoner what I 'ave called on you respectin'.
HANNAH.
Oh, then the honor ain't a compliment to me, after all, Mr. Blore?
BLORE.
I'm killing two birds with one stone, my dear.
HANNAH.
[_Throwing the cards into BLORE'S hat.
_] You can take them back to the Deanery with Mrs. Topping's comps.
BLORE.
[_Shaking the cards out of his hat and replacing them in his pocket-book.
_] I will leave them hon you again to-morrow, 'Annah.
But, 'Annah deary, do you know that this hunfortunate man was took in our stables last night.
HANNAH.
No, I never ask Noah nothing about Queen's business.
He don't want _two_ women over him!
BLORE.
Then you 'aven't seen the miserable culprit?
HANNAH.
Lor' no. I was in bed hours when Noah brought 'im 'ome.
I take no interest in it all.
They tell us it's only a wretched poacher or a petty larcery we'll get in St. Marvells.
My poor Noah ain't never likely to have the chance of a horrid murder in a place what returns a Conservative.
My joint's burning.
[_Kneeling to look into the oven.
_ BLORE.
But, 'Annah, suppose this case you've got 'old of now is a case what'll shake old England to its basis!
Suppose it means columns in the paper with Topping's name a-figurin'!
Suppose as family readin', it 'old its own with divorce cases!
HANNAH.
Hullo!
You know something about this arrest, you do!
BLORE.
No, no, I don't!
I merely said suppose.
I merely wish to encourage you, 'Annah; to implant an 'ope that crime may brighten your wedded life.
HANNAH.
[_Sitting at the table and referring to an official book.
_] The man was found trespassing in the Deanery Stables with intent--refuses to give his name or any account of 'isself.
BLORE.
[_To himself.
_] If I could honly find hout whether Dandy Dick had any of the medicine it would so guide me at the Races.
What am I to do?
It doesn't appear that the 'orse in the stables--took it, does it?
HANNAH.
[_Looking up sharply.
_] Took what?
BLORE.
Er--took fright.
You're sure there's no confession of any sort, 'Annah dear?
[_As he is bending over HANNAH, NOAH TOPPING appears.
NOAH is a dense-looking ugly countryman, with red hair, a bristling heard, and a vindictive leer.
He is dressed in ill-fitting clothes, as a rural Police Constable.
_ NOAH.
[_Fiercely.
_] 'Annah!
HANNAH.
[_Starting and replacing the book.
_] Oh don't!
This is Mr. Blore from the Deanery come to see us--an old friend o' mine!
[_BLORE advances to NOAH with a nervous smile, extending his hand.
_ NOAH.
[_Taking BLORE'S hand and holding it firmly.
_] A friend of hern is a friend o' mian!
BLORE.
I 'ope so, Mr. Topping.
I thank you.
NOAH.
She's gettin' me a lot o' nice noo friends this week, since we coom to St. Marvells.
BLORE.
Of course, dear 'Annah was a lovin' favorite with heverybody.
NOAH.
Ay.
Well then, as her friends be mian, I'm takin' the liberty, one by one, of gradually droppin' on 'em all.
BLORE.
[_Getting his hand away.
_] Dear me!
NOAH.
And if I catch any old fly a buzzin' round my lady I'll venture to break his 'ead in wi' my staff!
HANNAH.
Oh, Noah!
BLORE.
[_Preparing to depart.
_] I--I merely called to know if hanything had been found hout about the ruffian took in our stables last night!
NOAH.
Is that your business?
BLORE.
It--it's my master's business.
NOAH.
He's the De-an, ain't he?
HANNAH.
Yes, Noah, of course.
NOAH.
[_Fiercely.
_] Shut oop, darlin'.
Very well, then--give Mr. Topping's respects to the Dean, and say I'll run up to the Deanery and see him after I've took my man over to Durnstone.
BLORE.
Thank you--I 'ope the Dean will be at 'ome.
Good-day, 'Annah!
Good-day, Mr. Topping!
[_Offering his hand, into which NOAH significantly places his truncheon.
BLORE goes out quickly.
_ HANNAH.
[_Whimpering.
_] Oh, Noah, Noah, I don't believe as we shall ever get a large circle of friends round us!
NOAH.
Now then!
[_Selecting a pair of handcuffs and examining them critically.
_] Them'll do.
[_Slipping them into his pocket, and turning upon HANNAH suddenly.
_] 'Annah!
HANNAH.
Yes, Noahry---- NOAH.
Brighten oop, my darlin', the little time you 'ave me at 'ome with you.
HANNAH.
Yes, Noahry.
[_She bustles about and begins to lay the cloth.
_ NOAH.
I'm just a' goin' round to the stable to put old Nick in the cart.
HANNAH.
Oh, dont'ee trust to Nick, Noah dear--he's such a vicious brute.
Kitty's safer in the cart.
NOAH.
Shut oop, darlin'.
Nick can take me on to the edge o' the hill in half the time.
HANNAH.
The hill!
NOAH.
Ah, what d'ye think I've put off taking my man to Durnstone to now for?
Why, I'm a goin' to get a glimpse of the racin', on my way over.
[_Opening the wicket in the cell door and looking in.
_] There he is!
Sulky!
[_To HANNAH.
_] Hopen the hoven door, 'Annah, and let the smell of the cookin' get into him.
HANNAH.
Oh, no, Noah--it's torture!
NOAH.
Do as I tell'ee.
[_She opens the oven door.
_] Torture!
Of course it's torture!
That's my rule!
Whenever I get a 'old of a darned obstinate creature wot won't reveal his hindentity I hopens the hoven door.
[_He goes out into the street, and as he departs, the woful face of THE DEAN appears at the wicket, his head being still enveloped in the fur cap.
_ HANNAH.
[_Shutting the oven door.
_] Not me!
Torturing prisoners might a' done for them Middling Ages what Noah's always clattering about, but not for my time o' life.
I'll shut that wicket.
[_Crossing close to the wicket, her face almost comes against THE DEAN'S. She gives a cry.
_] The Dean!
THE DEAN.
Oh!
[_He disappears.
_ HANNAH.
Oh, no!
Not my old master!
Never the master!
[_Tottering to the wicket and looking in.
_] Master!
Look at me!
It's 'Annah, your poor faithful servant, 'Annah!
[_The face of THE DEAN re-appears.
_ THE DEAN.
[_In a deep sad voice.
_] Hannah Evans.
HANNAH.
It's 'Annah Topping, Knee Evans, wife o' the Constable what's goin' to take you to cruel Durnstone.
[_Sinking weeping upon the ground at the door.
_] Oh, Mr. Dean, sir, what have you been up to?
What have you been up to?
What have you been up to?
THE DEAN.
Woman, I am the victim of a misfortune only partially merited.
HANNAH.
[_On her knees, clasping her hands.
_] Tell me what you've done, Master dear; give it a name, for the love of goodness THE DEAN.
My poor Hannah, I fear I have placed myself in an equivocal position.
HANNAH.
[_With a shriek of despair.
_] Ah!
THE DEAN.
Be quiet, woman!
HANNAH.
Is it a change o' cooking that's brought you to such ways?
I cooked for you for seven 'appy years!
THE DEAN.
[_Sniffing.
_] Alas!
you seem to have lost none of your culinary skill.
HANNAH.
Master, are you hungry?
THE DEAN.
