Dear Enemy — Section 11
Dear Judy and Jervis: Brother Jimmie (we are very alliterative!
), spurred on by sundry begging letters from me, has at last sent us a present; but he picked it out himself.
WE HAVE A MONKEY!
His name is Java.
The children no longer hear the school bell ring.
On the day the creature came, this entire institution formed in line and filed past and shook his paw.
Poor Sing's nose is out of joint.
I have to PAY to have him washed.
Sadie Kate is developing into my private secretary.
I have her answer the thank-you letters for the institution, and her literary style is making a hit among our benefactors.
She invariably calls out a second gift.
I had hitherto believed that the Kilcoyne family sprang from the wild west of Ireland, but I begin to suspect that their source was nearer Blarney Castle.
You can see from the inclosed copy of the letter she sent to Jimmie what a persuasive pen the young person has.
I
trust that in this case at least, it will not bear the fruit that she suggests.
Dear Mr. Jimie We thank you very much for the lovly monkey you give.
We name him java because that's a warm iland across the ocian where he was born up in a nest like a bird only big the doctor told us.
The first day he come every boy and girl shook his hand and said good morning java his hand feels funny he holds so tite.
I was afraid to touch him but now I let him sit on my shoulder and put his arms around my kneck if he wants to.
He makes a funny noise that sounds like swering and gets mad when his tale is puled.
We love him dearly and we love you two.
The next time you have to give a present, please send an elifant.
Well I guess Ill stop.
Yours truly, SADIE KATE KILCOYNE.
Percy de Forest Witherspoon is still faithful to his little followers, though I am so afraid he will get tired that I urge him to take frequent vacations.
He has not only been faithful himself, but has brought in recruits.
He has large social connections in the neighborhood, and last Saturday evening he introduced two friends, nice men who sat around the campfire and swapped hunting stories.
One of them was just back from around the world, and told hair-raising anecdotes of the head hunters of Sarawak, a narrow pink country on the top of Borneo.
My little braves pant to grow up and get to Sarawak, and go out on the war-path after head hunters.
Every encyclopedia in this institution has been consulted, and there isn't a boy here who cannot tell you the history, manners, climate, flora, and fungi of Borneo.
I only wish Mr. Witherspoon would introduce friends who had been head hunting in England, France, and Germany, countries not quite so CHIC as Sarawak, but more useful for general culture.
We have a new cook, the fourth since my reign began.
I haven't bothered you with my cooking troubles, but institutions don't escape any more than families.
The last is a negro woman, a big, fat, smiling, chocolate-colored creature from Souf Ca'lina.
And ever since she came on honey dew we've fed!
Her name is--what do you guess?
SALLIE, if you please.
I suggested that she change it.
"Sho, Miss, I's had dat name Sallie longer'n you, an' I couldn't get used nohow to answerin' up pert-like when you sings out `Mollie!'
Seems like Sallie jest b'longs to me."
So "Sallie" she remains; but at least there is no danger of our getting our letters mixed, for her last name is nothing so plebeian as McBride.
It's Johnston-Washington, with a hyphen.
Sunday.
Our favorite game of late is finding pet names for Sandy.
His austere presence lends itself to caricature.
We have just originated a new batch.
The "Laird o' Cockpen" is Percy's choice.
The Laird o' Cockpen he's proud and he's great; His mind is ta'en up wi' the things of the state.
Miss Snaith disgustedly calls him "that man," and Betsy refers to him (in his absence) as "Dr. Cod-Liver."
My present favorite is "Macphairson Clon Glocketty Angus McClan."
But for real poetic feeling, Sadie Kate beats us all.
She calls him "Mister Someday Soon."
I don't believe that the doctor ever dropped into verse but once in his life, but every child in this institution knows that one poem by heart.
Someday soon something nice is going to happen;
Be a good little girl and take this hint: Swallow with a smile your cod-liver ile, And the first thing you know you will have a peppermint.
It's this evening that Betsy and I attend his supper party, and I confess that we are looking forward to seeing the interior of his gloomy mansion with gleeful eagerness.
He never talks about himself or his past or anybody connected with himself.
He appears to be an isolated figure standing on a pedestal labeled S C I E N C E, without a glimmer of any ordinary affections or emotions or human frailties except temper.
Betsy and I are simply eaten up with curiosity to know what sort of past he came out of; but just let us get inside his house, and to our detective senses it will tell its own story.
So long as the portal was guarded by a fierce McGurk, we had despaired of ever effecting an entrance; but now, behold!
The door has opened of its own accord.
To be continued.
S.
McB.
Monday.
Dear Judy: We attended the doctor's supper party last night, Betsy and Mr. Witherspoon and I. It turned out a passably cheerful occasion, though I will say that it began under heavy auspices.
His house on the inside is all that the outside promises.
Never in my life have I seen such an interior as that man's dining room.
The walls and carpets and lambrequins are a heavy dark green.
A black marble mantelpiece shelters a few smoking black coals.
The furniture is as nearly black as furniture comes.
The decorations are two steel engravings in shiny black frames--the "Monarch of the Glen," and the "Stag at Bay."
We tried hard to be light and sparkling, but it was like eating supper in the family vault.
Mrs. McGurk, in black alpaca with a black silk apron, clumped around the table, passing cold, heavy things to eat, with a step so firm that she rattled the silver in the sideboard drawers.
Her nose was up, and her mouth was down.
She clearly does not approve of the master's entertaining, and she wishes to discourage all guests from ever accepting again.
Sandy sort of dimly knows that there is something the matter with his house, and in order to brighten it up a bit in honor of his guests, he had purchased flowers,--dozens of them,--the most exquisite pink Killarney roses and red and yellow tulips.
The McGurk had wedged them all together as tight as they would fit into a peacock-blue jardiniere, and plumped it down in the center of the table.
The thing was as big as a bushel-basket.
Betsy and I nearly forgot our manners when we saw that centerpiece; but the doctor seemed so innocently pleased at having obtained a bright note in his dining room that we suppressed our amusement and complimented him warmly upon his happy color scheme.
The moment supper was over, we hastened with relief to his own part of the house, where the McGurk's influence does not penetrate.
No one in a cleaning capacity ever enters either his library or office or laboratory except Llewelyn, a short, wiry, bow-legged Welshman, who combines to a unique degree the qualities of chambermaid and chauffeur.
The library, though not the most cheerful room I have ever seen, still, for a man's house, is not so bad--books all around from floor to ceiling, with the overflow in piles on floor and table and mantelpiece;
half a dozen abysmal leather chairs and a rug or so, with another black marble mantelpiece, but this time containing a crackling wood fire.
By way of bric-a-brac, he has a stuffed pelican and a crane with a frog in its mouth, also a raccoon sitting on a log, and a varnished tarpon.
A
faint suggestion of iodoform floats in the air.
The doctor made the coffee himself in a French machine, and we dismissed his housekeeper from our spirits.
He really did do his best to be a thoughtful host and I have to report that the word "insanity" was not once mentioned.
It seems that Sandy, in his moments of relaxation, is a fisherman.
He and Percy began swapping stories of salmon and trout, and he finally got out his case of fishing flies, and gallantly presented Betsy and me with a "silver doctor" and a "Jack Scott" out of which to make hatpins.
Then the conversation wandered to sport on the Scotch moors, and he told about one time when he was lost, and spent the night out in the heather.
There is no doubt about it, Sandy's heart is in the highlands.
I am afraid that Betsy and I have wronged him.
Though it is hard to relinquish the interesting idea, he may not, after all, have committed a crime.
We are now leaning to the belief that he was crossed in love.
It's really horrid of me to make fun of poor Sandy, for, despite his stern bleakness of disposition, he's a pathetic figure of a man.
Think of coming home after an anxious day's round to eat a solitary dinner in that grim dining room!
Do you suppose it would cheer him up a little if I should send my company of artists to paint a frieze of rabbits around the wall?
With love, as usual, SALLIE.
Dear Judy: Aren't you ever coming back to New York?
Please hurry!
I need a new hat, and am desirous of shopping for it on Fifth Avenue, not on Water Street.
Mrs. Gruby, our best milliner, does not believe in slavishly following Paris Fashions; she originates her own styles.
But three years ago, as a great concession to convention, she did make a tour of the New York shops, and is still creating models on the uplift of that visit.
Also, besides my own hat, I must buy 113 hats for my children, to say nothing of shoes and knickerbockers and shirts and hair-ribbons and stockings and garters.
It's quite a task to keep a little family like mine decently clothed.
Did you get that big letter I wrote you last week?
You never had the grace to mention it in yours of Thursday, and it was seventeen pages long, and took me DAYS to write.
Yours truly, S.
McBRIDE.
P.
S.
Why don't you tell me some news about Gordon?
Have you seen him, and did he mention me?
Is he running after any of those pretty Southern girls that Washington is so full of?
You know that I want to hear.
Why must you be so beastly uncommunicative?
Tuesday, 4:27 P. M.
Dear Judy: Your telegram came two minutes ago by telephone.
Yes, thank you, I shall be delighted to arrive at 5:49 on Thursday afternoon.
And don't make any engagements for that evening, please, as I intend to sit up until midnight talking John Grier gossip with you and the president.
Friday and Saturday and Monday I shall have to devote to shopping.
Oh, yes, you're right; I already possess more clothes than any jailbird needs, but when spring comes, I must have new plumage.
As it is, I wear an evening gown every night just to wear them out--no, not entirely that; to make myself believe that I'm still an ordinary girl despite this extraordinary life that you have pushed me into.
The Hon. Cy found me yesterday arrayed in a Nile-green crepe (Jane's creation, though it looked Parisian).
He was quite puzzled when he found I wasn't going to a ball.
I invited him to stay and dine with me, and he accepted!
We got on very affably.
He expands over his dinner.
Food appears to agree with him.
If there's any Bernard Shaw in New York just now, I believe that I might spare a couple of hours Saturday afternoon for a matinee.
G.
B.
S.'
s dialogue would afford such a life-giving contrast to the Hon. Cy's. There's no use writing any more; I'll wait and talk.
ADDIO.
SALLIE.
P.
S.
Oh dear!
just as I had begun to catch glimmerings of niceness in Sandy, he broke out again and was ABOMINABLE.
We unfortunately have five cases of measles in this institution, and the man's manner suggests that Miss Snaith and I gave the measles to the children on purpose to make him trouble.
There are many days when I should be willing to accept our doctor's resignation.
Wednesday.
Dear Enemy: Your brief and dignified note of yesterday is at hand.
I have never known anybody whose literary style resembled so exactly his spoken word.
And you will be greatly obliged if I will drop my absurd fashion of calling you "Enemy"?
I will drop my absurd fashion of calling you Enemy just as soon as you drop your absurd fashion of getting angry and abusive and insulting the moment any little thing goes wrong.
I am leaving tomorrow afternoon to spend four days in New York.
Yours truly, S.
McBRIDE.
CHEZ THE PENDLETONS, New York.
My dear Enemy: I trust that this note will find you in a more affable frame of mind than when I saw you last.
I emphatically repeat that it was not due to the carelessness of the superintendent of our institution that those two new cases of measles crept in, but rather to the unfortunate anatomy of our old-fashioned building, which does not permit of the proper isolation of contagious cases.
As you did not deign to visit us yesterday morning before I left, I could not offer any parting suggestions.
I therefore write to ask that you cast your critical eye upon Mamie Prout.
She is covered all over with little red spots which may be measles, though I am hoping not.
Mamie spots very easily.
I return to prison life next Monday at six o'clock.
Yours truly, S.
McBRIDE.
P.
S.
I trust you will pardon my mentioning it, but you are not the kind of doctor that I admire.
I like them chubby and round and smiling.
THE JOHN GRIER HOME,
