Letters of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Vol. I — Third Part - Paris - March 1778 to January 1779. Part B

109. Paris, July 18, 1778. I HOPE you got my last two letters.

Let us allude no more to their chief purport.

All is over; and were we to write whole pages on the subject, we could not alter the fact.

The principal object of this letter is to congratulate my dear sister on her name-day.

I think I wrote to you that M. Raaff had left this, but that he is my very true and most particular friend, and I can entirely depend on his regard.

I could not possibly write to you, because I did not myself know that he had so much affection for me.

Now, to write a story properly, one ought to begin from the beginning.

I ought to tell you, first, that Raaff lodged with M. Le Gros.

It just occurs to me that you already know this; but what am I to do?

It is written, and I can't begin the letter again, so I proceed.

When he arrived, we happened to be at dinner.

This, too, has nothing to do with the matter; it is only to let you know that people do dine in Paris, as elsewhere.

When I went home I found a letter for me from Herr Weber, and the bearer of it was Raaff.

If I wished to deserve the name of a historian, I ought here to insert the contents of this letter; and I can with truth say that I am very reluctant to decline giving them.

But I must not be too prolix; to be concise is a fine thing, which you can see by my letter.

The third day I found him at home and thanked him; it is always advisable to be polite.

I no longer remember what we talked about.

An historian must be unusually dull who cannot forthwith supply some falsehood--I mean some romance.

Well!

we spoke of the fine weather; and when we had said our say, we were silent, and I went away.

Some days after--though what day it was I really forget, but one day in the week assuredly--I had just seated myself, at the piano of course; and Ritter, the worthy Holzbeisser, was sitting beside me.

Now, what is to be deduced from that?

A great deal.

Raaff had never heard me at Mannheim except at a concert, where the noise and uproar was so great that nothing could be heard; and HE had such a miserable piano that I could not have done myself any justice on it.

Here, however, the instrument was good, and I saw Raaff sitting opposite me with a speculative air; so, as you may imagine, I played some preludes in the Fischietti method, and also played a florid sonata in the style and with the fire, spirit, and precision of Haydn, and then a fugue with all the skill of Lipp, Silber, and Aman.

[Footnote: Fischietti was Capellmeister in Salzburg; Michael Haydn and Lipp, organists.

] My fugue-playing has everywhere gained me the greatest applause.

When I had quite finished, (Raaff all the time calling out Bravo!

while his countenance showed his true and sincere delight,) I entered into conversation with Ritter, and among other things said that I by no means liked being here; adding, "The chief cause of this is music; besides, I can find no resources here, no amusement, no agreeable or sociable intercourse with any one,--especially with ladies, many of whom are disreputable, and those who are not so are deficient in good breeding."

Ritter could not deny that I was right.

Raaff at last said, smiling, "I can quite believe it, for M. Mozart is not WHOLLY here to admire the Parisian beauties; one half of him is elsewhere--where I have just come from."

This of course gave rise to much laughing and joking; but Raaff presently said, in a serious tone, "You are quite right, and I cannot blame you; she deserves it, for she is a sweet, pretty, good girl, well educated, and a superior person with considerable talent."

This gave me an excellent opportunity strongly to recommend my beloved Madlle.

Weber to him; but there was no occasion for me to say much, as he was already quite fascinated by her.

He promised me, as soon as he returned to Mannheim, to give her lessons, and to interest himself in her favor.

I ought, by rights, to insert something here, but I must first finish the history of our friendship;

if there is still room, I may do so.

He was in my eyes only an every-day acquaintance, and no more; but I often sat with him in his room, so by degrees I began to place more confidence in him, and at last told him all my Mannheim history,--how I had been bamboozled and made a fool of, adding that perhaps I might still get an appointment there.

He neither said yes nor no; and on every occasion when I alluded to it he seemed each time more indifferent and less interested in the matter.

At last, however, I thought I remarked more complacency in his manner, and he often, indeed, began to speak of the affair himself.

I introduced him to Herr Grimm and to Madame d'Epinay.

On one occasion he came to me and said that he and I were to dine with Count Sickingen some day soon;

adding, "The Count and I were conversing together, and I said to him, 'A propos, has your Excellency heard our Mozart?'

'No; but I should like very much both to see and to hear him, for they write me most astonishing things about him from Mannheim.'

'When your Excellency does hear him, you will see that what has been written to you is rather too little than too much.'

'Is it possible?'

'Beyond all doubt, your Excellency.'

" Now, this was the first time that I had any reason to think Raaff interested in me.

Then it went on increasing, and one day I asked him to come home with me; and after that he often came of his own accord, and at length every day.

The day after he left this, a good-looking man called on me in the forenoon with a picture, and said, "Monsieur, je viens de la part de ce Monsieur," showing me a portrait of Raaff, and an admirable likeness.

Presently he began to speak German;

and it turned out that he was a painter of the Elector's, whom Raaff had often mentioned to me, but always forgot to take me to see him.

I

believe you know him, for it must be the very person Madame Urspringer, of Mayence, alludes to in her letter, because he says he often met us at the Urspringers'.

His name is Kymli.

He is a most kind, amiable man, well-principled, honorable, and a good Christian; one proof of which is the friendship between him and Raaff.

Now comes the best evidence of Raaff's regard for me, and the sincere interest he takes in my welfare: it is, that he imparts his intentions rather to those whom he can trust than to those more immediately concerned, being unwilling to promise without the certainty of a happy result.

This is what Kymli told me.

Raaff asked him to call on me and to show me his portrait, to see me often, and to assist me in every way, and to establish an intimate friendship with me.

It seems he went to him every morning, and repeatedly said to Kymli, "I was at Herr Mozart's again yesterday evening; he is, indeed, a wonderful little fellow; he is an out-and-outer, and no mistake!"

and was always praising me.

He told Kymli everything, and the whole Mannheim story--in short, all.

The fact is, that high-principled, religious, and well-conducted people always like each other.

Kymli says I may rest assured that I am in good hands.

"Raaff will certainly do all he can for you, and he is a prudent man who will set to work cleverly; he will not say that it is your wish, but rather your due.

He is on the best footing with the Oberststallmeister.

Rely on it, he will not be beat; only you must let him go his own way to work."

One thing more.

Father Martini's letter to Raaff, praising me, must have been lost.

Raaff had, some time since, a letter from him, but not a word about me in it.

Possibly it is still lying in Mannheim; but this is unlikely, as I know that, during his stay in Paris, all his letters have been regularly forwarded to him.

As the Elector justly entertains a very high opinion of the Padre Maestro, I think it would be a good thing if you would be so kind as to apply to him to write again about me to Raaff; it might be of use, and good Father Martini would not hesitate to do a friendly thing twice over for me, knowing that he might thus make my fortune.

He no doubt would express the letter in such a manner that it could be shown, if need be, to the Elector.

Now enough as to this; my wish for a favorable issue is chiefly that I may soon have the happiness of embracing my dear father and sister.

Oh!

how joyously and happily we shall live together!

I pray fervently to God to grant me this favor; a new leaf will at last be turned, please God!

In the fond hope that the day will come, and the sooner the better, when we shall all be happy, I mean, in God's name, to persevere in my life here, though so totally opposed to my genius, inclinations, knowledge, and sympathies.

Believe me, this is but too true,--I write you only the simple truth.

If I were to attempt to give you all my reasons, I might write my fingers off and do no good.

For here I am, and I must do all that is in my power.

God grant that I may not thus impair my talents;

but I hope it will not continue long enough for that.

God grant it!

By the by, the other day an ecclesiastic called on me.

He is the leader of the choir at St. Peter's, in Salzburg, and knows you very well; his name is Zendorff; perhaps you may not remember him?

He gives lessons here on the piano--in Paris.

N.

B.

, have not you a horror of the very name of Paris?

I strongly recommend him as organist to the Archbishop; he says he would be satisfied with three hundred florins.

Now farewell!

Be careful of your health, and strive to be cheerful.

Remember that possibly you may ere long have the satisfaction of tossing off a good glass of Rhenish wine with your son--your truly happy son.

Adieu!

20th.

--Pray forgive my being so late in sending you my congratulations, but I wished to present my sister with a little prelude.

The mode of playing it I leave to her own feeling.

This is not the kind of prelude to pass from one key to another, but merely a capriccio to try over a piano.

My sonatas [Kochel, Nos.

301-306] are soon to be published.

No one as yet would agree to give me what I asked for them, so I have been obliged at last to give in, and to let them go for 15 louis-d'or.

It is the best way too to make my name known here.

As soon as they appear I will send them to you by some good opportunity (and as economically as possible) along with your "School for the Violin," Vogler's book, Hullmandel's sonatas, Schroter's concertos, some of my pianoforte sonatas, the sinfonie concertante, two quartets for the flute, and a concerto for harp and flute [Kochel, No. 298, 299].

Pray, what do you hear about the war?

For three days I was very depressed and sorrowful; it is, after all, nothing to me, but I am so sensitive that I feel quickly interested in any matter.

I heard that the Emperor had been defeated.

At first it was reported that the King of Prussia had surprised the Emperor, or rather the troops commanded by Archduke Maximilian; that two thousand had fallen on the Austrian side, but fortunately the Emperor had come to his assistance with forty thousand men, but was forced to retreat.

Secondly, it was said that the King had attacked the Emperor himself, and entirely surrounded him, and that if General Laudon had not come to his relief with eighteen hundred cuirassiers, he would have been taken prisoner; that sixteen hundred cuirassiers had been killed, and Laudon himself shot dead.

I have not, however, seen this in any newspaper, but to-day I was told that the Emperor had invaded Saxony with forty thousand troops.

Whether the news be true I know not.

This is a fine griffonage, to be sure!

but I have not patience to write prettily; if you can only read it, it will do well enough.

A propos, I saw in the papers that, in a skirmish between the Saxons and Croats, a Saxon captain of grenadiers named Hopfgarten had lost his life, and was much lamented.

Can this be the kind, worthy Baron Hopfgarten whom we knew at Paris with Herr von Bose?

I should grieve if it were, but I would rather he died this glorious death than have sacrificed his life, as too many young men do here, to dissipation and vice.

You know this already, but it is now worse than ever.

N.

B.

I hope you will be able to decipher the end of the prelude; you need not be very particular about the time; it is the kind of thing that may be played as you feel inclined.

I should like to inflict twenty-five stripes on the sorry Vatel's shoulders for not having married Katherl.

Nothing is more shameful, in my opinion, than to make a fool of an honest girl, and to play her false eventually; but I hope this may not be the case.

If I were her father, I would soon put a stop to the affair.

110. Paris, July 31, 1778. I HOPE you have got my two letters of the 11th and 18th.

Meantime I have received yours of the 13th and 20th.

The first brought tears of sorrow to my eyes, as I was reminded by it of the sad death of my darling mother, and the whole scene recurred vividly to me.

Never can I forget it while I live.

You know that (though I often wished it) I had never seen any one die, and the first time I did so it was fated to be my own mother!

My greatest misery was the thoughts of that hour, and I prayed earnestly to God for strength.

I was heard, and strength was given to me.

Melancholy as your letter made me, still I was inexpressibly happy to find that you both bear this sorrow as it ought to be borne, and that my mind may now be at ease about my beloved father and sister.

As soon as I read your letter, my first impulse was to throw myself on my knees, and fervently to thank our gracious God for this blessing.

I am now comparatively happy, because I have no longer anything to dread on account of the two persons who are dearest to me in this world; had it been otherwise, such a terrible misfortune would have utterly overwhelmed me.

Be careful therefore of your precious health for my sake, I entreat, and grant to him who flatters himself that he is now what you love most in the world the joy and felicity soon to embrace you.

Your last letter also caused my tears to flow from joy, as it convinced me more than ever of your fatherly love and care.

I shall strive with all my might still more to deserve your affection.

I thank you for the powder, but am sure you will be glad to hear that I do not require to use it.

During my dear mother's illness it would have been very useful, but now, thank God!

I am perfectly well and healthy.

At times I have fits of melancholy, but the best way to get rid of them is by writing or receiving letters, which always cheers me; but, believe me, these sad feelings never recur without too good cause.

You wish to have an account of her illness and every detail connected with it; that you shall have;

but I must ask you to let it be short, and I shall only allude to the principal facts, as the event is over, and cannot, alas!

now be altered, and I require some space to write on business topics.

In the first place, I must tell you that NOTHING could have saved my mother.

No doctor in the world could have restored her to health.

It was the manifest will of God; her time was come, and God chose to take her to Himself.

You think she put off being bled too long?

it may be so, as she did delay it for a little, but I rather agree with the people here, who dissuaded her from being bled at all.

The cause of my mother's illness was internal inflammation.

After being bled she rallied for some days, but on the 19th she complained of headache, and for the first time stayed in bed the whole day.

On the 20th she was seized first with shivering and then with fever, so I gave her an anti-spasmodic powder.

I

was at that time very anxious to send for another doctor, but she would not allow me to do so, and when I urged her very strongly, she told me that she had no confidence in any French medical man.

I therefore looked about for a German one.

I could not, of course, go out and leave her, but I anxiously waited for M. Heina, who came regularly every day to see us; but on this occasion two days passed without his appearing.

At last he came, but as our doctor was prevented paying his usual visit next day, we could not consult with him; in fact, he did not come till the 24th.

The previous day, when I had been expecting him so eagerly, I was in great trouble, for my mother suddenly lost her sense of hearing.

The doctor, an old German about seventy, gave her rhubarb in wine.

I could not understand this, as wine is usually thought heating; but when I said so, every one exclaimed, "How can you say so?

Wine is not heating, but strengthening; water is heating."

And all the time the poor invalid was longing for a drink of fresh water.

How gladly would I have complied with her wish!

My dear father, you cannot conceive what I went through, but nothing could be done, except to leave her in the hands of the physician.

All that I could do with a good conscience, was to pray to God without ceasing, that He would order all things for her good.

I went about as if I had altogether lost my head.

I had ample leisure then to compose, but I was in such a state that I could not have written a single note.

The 25th the doctor did not come; on the 26th he visited her again.

Imagine my feelings when he all at once said to me, "I fear she will scarcely live through the night; she may die at any moment.

You had better see that she receives the sacrament."

So I hurried off to the end of the Chaussee d'Antin, and went on beyond the Barriere to find Heina, knowing that he was at a concert in the house of some count.

He said that he would bring a German priest with him next morning.

On my way back I looked in on Madame d'Epinay and M. Grimm for a moment as I passed.

They were distressed that I had not spoken sooner, as they would at once have sent their doctor.

I did not tell them my reason, which was, that my mother would not see a French doctor.

I was hard put to it, as they said they would send their physician that very evening.

When I came home, I told my mother that I had met Herr Heina with a German priest, who had heard a great deal about me and was anxious to hear me play, and that they were both to call on me next day.

She seemed quite satisfied, and though I am no doctor, still seeing that she was better I said nothing more.

I find it impossible not to write at full length--indeed, I am glad to give you every particular, for it will be more satisfactory to you; but as I have some things to write that are indispensable, I shall continue my account of the illness in my next letter.

In the mean time you must have seen from my last letter, that all my darling mother's affairs and my own are in good order.

When I come to this point, I will tell you how things were arranged.

Heina and I regulated everything ourselves.

Now for business.

Do not allow your thoughts to dwell on what I wrote, asking your permission not to reveal my ideas till the proper time arrived.

Pray do not let it trouble you.

I cannot yet tell you about it, and if I did, I should probably do more harm than good; but, to tranquillize you, I may at least say that it only concerns myself.

Your circumstances will be made neither better nor worse, and until I see you in a better position I shall think no more about the matter.

If the day ever arrives when we can live together in peace and happiness, (which is my grand object),--when that joyful time comes, and God grant it may come soon!

--then the right moment will have arrived, and the rest will depend on yourself.

Do not, therefore, discompose yourself on the subject, and be assured that in every case where I know that your happiness and peace are involved, I shall invariably place entire confidence in you, my kind father and true friend, and detail everything to you minutely.

If in the interim I have not done so, the fault is not solely mine.

[FOOTNOTE: He had evidently in his thoughts, what was indeed manifest in his previous letters, a speedy marriage with his beloved Aloysia.

] M.

Grimm recently said to me, "What am I to write to your father?

What course do you intend to pursue?

Do you remain here, or go to Mannheim?"

I really could not help laughing: "What could I do at Mannheim now?

would that I had never come to Paris!

but so it is.

Here I am, and I must use every effort to get forward."

"Well," said he, "I scarcely think that you will do much good here."

"Why?

I see a number of wretched bunglers who make a livelihood, and why, with my talents, am I to fail?

I assure you that I like being at Mannheim, and wish very much to get some appointment there, but it must be one that is honorable and of good repute.

I must have entire certainty on the subject before I move a step."

"I fear," said he, "that you are not sufficiently active here--you don't go about enough."

"Well," said I, "that is the hardest of all for me to do."

Besides, I could go nowhere during my mother's long illness, and now two of my pupils are in the country, and the third (the Duke de Guines's daughter) is betrothed, and means no longer to continue her lessons, which, so far as my credit is concerned, does not distress me much.

It is no particular loss to me, for the Duke only pays me what every one else does.

Only imagine!

I went to his house every day for two hours, being engaged to give twenty-four lessons, (but it is the custom here to pay after each twelve lessons.

) They went into the country, and when they came back ten days afterwards, I was not apprised of it; had I not by chance inquired out of mere curiosity, I should not have known that they were here.

When I did go, the governess took out her purse and said to me, "Pray excuse my only paying you at present for twelve lessons, for I have not enough money."

This is a noble proceeding!

She then gave me three louis-d'or, adding, "I hope you are satisfied; if not, I beg you will say so."

M.

le Duc can have no sense of honor, or probably thinks that I am only a young man and a thick-headed German, (for this is the way in which the French always speak of us,) and that I shall be quite contented.

The thick-headed German, however, was very far from being contented, so he declined receiving the sum offered.

The Duke intended to pay me for one hour instead of two, and all from economy.

As he has now had a concerto of mine for harp and flute, for the last four months, which he has not yet paid me for, I am only waiting till the wedding is over to go to the governess and ask for my money.

What provokes me most of all is that these stupid Frenchmen think I am still only seven years old, as they saw me first when I was that age.

This is perfectly true, for Madame d'Epinay herself told me so quite seriously.

I am therefore treated here like a beginner, except by the musicians, who think very differently;

but most votes carry the day!

After my conversation with Grimm, I went the very next day to call on Count Sickingen.

He was quite of my opinion that I ought to have patience and wait till Raaff arrives at his destination, who will do all that lies in his power to serve me.

If he should fail, Count Sickingen has offered to procure a situation for me at Mayence.

In the mean time my plan is to do my utmost to gain a livelihood by teaching, and to earn as much money as possible.

This I am now doing, in the fond hope that some change may soon occur; for I cannot deny, and indeed at once frankly confess, that I shall be delighted to be released from this place.

Giving lessons is no joke here, and unless you wear yourself out by taking a number of pupils, not much money can be made.

You must not think that this proceeds from laziness.

No!

it is only quite opposed to my genius and my habits.

You know that I am, so to speak, plunged into music,--that I am occupied with it the whole day,--that I like to speculate, to study, and to reflect.

Now my present mode of life effectually prevents this.

I have, indeed, some hours at liberty, but those few hours are more necessary for rest than for work.

I told you already about the opera.

One thing is certain--I must compose a great opera or none.

If I write only smaller ones, I shall get very little, for here everything is done at a fixed price, and if it should be so unfortunate as not to please the obtuse French, it is all up with it.

I should get no more to write, have very little profit, and find my reputation damaged.

If, on the other hand, I write a great opera, the remuneration is better, I am working in my own peculiar sphere, in which I delight, and I have a greater chance of being appreciated, because in a great work there is more opportunity to gain approval.

I assure you that if I receive a commission to write an opera, I have no fears on the subject.

It is true that the devil himself invented their language, and I see the difficulties which all composers have found in it.

But, in spite of this, I feel myself as able to surmount these difficulties as any one else.

Indeed, when I sometimes think in my own mind that I may look on my opera as a certainty, I feel quite a fiery impulse within me, and tremble from head to foot, through the eager desire to teach the French more fully how to know, and value, and fear the Germans.

Why is a great opera never intrusted to a Frenchman?

Why is it always given to a foreigner?

To me the most insupportable part of it will be the singers.

Well, I am ready.

I wish to avoid all strife, but if I am challenged I know how to defend myself.

If it runs its course without a duel, I should prefer it, for I do not care to wrestle with dwarfs.

God grant that some change may soon come to pass!

In the mean time I shall certainly not be deficient in industry, trouble, and labor.

My hopes are centred on the winter, when every one returns from the country.

My heart beats with joy at the thought of the happy day when I shall once more see and embrace you.

The day before yesterday my dear friend Weber, among other things, wrote to me that the day after the Elector's arrival it was publicly announced that he was to take up his residence in Munich, which came like a thunder-clap on Mannheim, wholly, so to say, extinguishing the universal illumination by which the inhabitants had testified their joy on the previous day.

The fact was also communicated to all the court musicians, with the addition that each was at liberty to follow the court to Munich or to remain in Mannheim, (retaining the same salaries,) and in a fortnight each was to give a written and sealed decision to the Intendant.

Weber, who is, as you know, in the most miserable circumstances, wrote as follows:--"I anxiously desire to follow my gracious master to Munich, but my decayed circumstances prevent my doing so."

Before this occurred there was a grand court concert, where poor Madlle.

Weber felt the fangs of her enemies; for on this occasion she did not sing!

It is not known who was the cause of this.

Afterwards there was a concert at Herr von Gemmingen's, where Count Seeau also was.

She sang two arias of mine, and was so fortunate as to please, in spite of those Italian scoundrels [the singers of Munich], those infamous charlatans, who circulated a report that she had very much gone off in her singing.

When her songs were finished, Cannabich said to her, "Mademoiselle, I hope you will always continue to fall off in this manner; tomorrow I will write to M. Mozart in your praise."

One thing is certain; if war had not already broken out, the court would by this time have been transferred to Munich.

Count Seeau, who is quite determined to engage Madlle.

Weber, would have left nothing undone to insure her coming to Munich, so that there was some hope that the family might have been placed in better circumstances; but now that all is again quiet about the Munich journey, these poor people may have to wait a long time, while their debts daily accumulate.

If I could only help them!

Dearest father, I recommend them to you from my heart.

If they could even for a few years be in possession of 1000 florins!

111. To HERR BULLINGER.

Paris, August 7, 1778. MY VERY DEAR FRIEND,--

Allow me above all to thank you most warmly for the proof of friendship you gave me by your interest in my dear father--first in preparing, and then kindly consoling him for his loss [see No. 106].

You played your part admirably.

These are my father's own words.

My kind friend, how can I sufficiently thank you?

You saved my father for me.

I have you to thank that I still have him.

Permit me to say no more on the subject, and not to attempt to express my gratitude, for I feel too weak and incompetent to do so.

My best friend, I am forever your debtor; but patience!

It is too true that I am not yet in a position to repay what I owe you, but rely on it God will one day grant me the opportunity of showing by deeds what I am unable to express by words.

Such is my hope;

till that happy time, however, arrives, allow me to beg you to continue your precious and valued friendship to me, and also to accept mine afresh, now and forever; to which I pledge myself in all sincerity of heart.

It will not, indeed, be of much use to you, but not on that account less sincere and lasting.

You know well that the best and truest of all friends are the poor.

The rich know nothing of friendship, especially those who are born to riches, and even those whom fate enriches often become very different when fortunate in life.

But when a man is placed in favorable circumstances, not by blind, but reasonable good fortune and merit, who during his early and less prosperous days never lost courage, remaining faithful to his religion and his God, striving to be an honest man and good Christian, knowing how to value his true friends,--in short, one who really deserves better fortune,--from such a man no ingratitude is to be feared.

I must now proceed to answer your letter.

You can be under no further anxiety as to my health, for you must have ere this received three letters from me.

The first, containing the sad news of my mother's death, was enclosed, my dear friend, to you.

You must forgive my silence on the subject, but my thoughts recur to it constantly.

You write that I should now think only of my father, tell him frankly all my thoughts, and place entire confidence in him.

How unhappy should I be if I required this injunction!

It was expedient that you should suggest it, but I am happy to say (and you will also be glad to hear it) that I do not need this advice.

In my last letter to my dear father, I wrote to him all that I myself know up to this time, assuring him that I would always keep him minutely informed of everything, and candidly tell him my intentions, as I place entire faith in him, being confident of his fatherly care, love, and goodness.

I feel assured that at a future day he will not deny me a request on which my whole happiness in life depends, and which (for he cannot expect anything else from me) will certainly be quite fair and reasonable.

My dear friend, do not let my father read this.

You know him; he would only fancy all kinds of things, and to no purpose.

Now for our Salzburg affair.

You, my dear friend, are well aware how I do hate Salzburg, not only on account of the injustice shown to my father and myself there, which was in itself enough to make us wish to forget such a place, and to blot it out wholly from our memory.

But do not let us refer to that, if we can contrive to live respectably there.