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_L'ENVOY_
Our tale is told.
Yet, perhaps, we may be allowed to add a few words respecting two of the subordinate characters of our drama--melodrama we ought to say--namely Jerry Juniper and the knight of Malta.
What became of the Caper Merchant's son after his flight from Kilburn Wells we have never been able distinctly to ascertain.
Juniper, however, would seem to be a sort of Wandering Jew, for certain it is, that _somebody very like him_ is extant still, and to be met with at Jerry's old haunts; indeed, we have no doubt of encountering him at the ensuing meetings of Ascot and Hampton.
As regards the knight of Malta--Knight of _Roads_--"Rhodes"--he should have been--we are sorry to state that the career of the Ruffler terminated in a madhouse, and thus the poor knight became in reality a _Hospitaller_!
According to the custom observed in those establishments, the knight was deprived of his luxuriant locks, and the loss of his beard rendered his case incurable; but, in the mean time, the barber of the place made his fortune by retailing the materials of all the black wigs he could collect to the impostor's dupes.
Such is the latest piece of intelligence that has reached us of the _Arch-hoaxer_ of Canterbury!
Turpin--why disguise it?
--was hanged at York in 1739. His firmness deserted him not at the last.
When he mounted the fatal tree his left leg trembled; he stamped it impatiently down, and, after a brief chat with the hangman, threw himself suddenly and resolutely from the ladder.
His sufferings would appear to have been slight: as he himself sang, He died, not as other men, by _degrees_, But _at once_, without wincing, and quite at his ease!
We may, in some other place, lay before the reader the particulars--and they are not incurious--of the "night before Larry was stretched."
The remains of the vagrant highwayman found a final resting-place in the desecrated churchyard of Saint George, without the Fishergate postern, a green and grassy cemetery, but withal a melancholy one.
A few recent tombs mark out the spots where some of the victims of the pestilence of 1832-33 have been interred; but we have made vain search for Turpin's grave--unless--as is more than probable--the plain stone with the simple initials R. T.
belongs to him.
The gyves by which he was fettered are still shown at York Castle, and are of prodigious weight and strength; and though the herculean robber is said to have moved in them with ease, the present turnkey was scarcely able to lift the ponderous irons.
An old woman of the same city has a lock of hair, said to have been Turpin's, which she avouches her grandfather cut off from the body after the execution, and which the believers look upon with great reverence.
O rare Dick Turpin!
We shall, perhaps, be accused of dilating too much upon the character of the highwayman, and we plead guilty to the charge.
But we found it impossible to avoid running a little into extremes.
Our earliest associations are connected with sunny scenes in Cheshire, said to have been haunted by Turpin; and with one very dear to us--from whose lips, now, alas!
silent, we have listened to many stories of his exploits--he was a sort of hero.
We have had a singular delight in recounting his feats and hairbreadth escapes; and if the reader derives only half as much pleasure from the perusal of his adventures as we have had in narrating them, our satisfaction will be complete.
Perhaps, we may have placed him in too favorable a point of view--and yet we know not.
As upon those of more important personages, many doubts rest upon his history.
Such as we conceive him to have been, we have drawn him--hoping that the benevolent reader, upon finishing our Tale, will arrive at the same conclusion; and, in the words of the quaint old Prologue to the Prince of Prigs' Revels, ------------Thank that man, Can make each thief a complete Roscian!
NOTES
[1] See the celebrated recipe for the Hand of Glory in "_Les Secrets du Petit Albert_."
[2] The seven planets, so called by Mercurius Trismegistus.
[3] Payne Knight, the scourge of Repton and his school, speaking of the license indulged in by the modern landscape-gardeners, thus vents his indignation: But here, once more, ye rural muses weep The ivy'd balustrade, and terrace steep;
Walls, mellowed into harmony by time, On which fantastic creepers used to climb;
While statues, labyrinths, and alleys pent Within their bounds, at least were innocent!
-- _Our modern taste--alas!
--no limit knows;
O'er hill, o'er dale, through wood and field it flows;
Spreading o'er all its unprolific spawn, In never-ending sheets of vapid lawn.
_ _The Landscape, a didactic Poem, addressed to Uvedale Price, Esq.
_ [4] Mason's English Garden.
[5] Cowley.
[6] Query, Damocles?
--_Printer's Devil.
_ [7] James Hind--the "Prince of Prigs"--a royalist captain of some distinction, was hanged, drawn, and quartered, in 1652. Some good stories are told of him.
He had the credit of robbing Cromwell, Bradshaw, and Peters.
His discourse to Peters is particularly edifying.
[8] See Du-Val's life by Doctor Pope, or Leigh Hunt's brilliant sketch of him in _The Indicator_.
[9] We cannot say much in favor of this worthy, whose name was Thomas Simpson.
The reason of his _sobriquet_ does not appear.
He was not particularly scrupulous as to his mode of appropriation.
One of his sayings is, however, on record.
He told a widow whom he robbed, "that the end of a woman's husband begins in tears, but the end of her tears is another husband."
"Upon which," says his chronicler, "the gentlewoman gave him about fifty guineas."
[10] Tom was a sprightly fellow, and carried his sprightliness to the gallows; for just before he was turned off he kicked Mr. Smith, the ordinary, and the hangman out of the cart--a piece of pleasantry which created, as may be supposed, no small sensation.
[11] Many agreeable stories are related of Holloway.
His career, however, closed with a murder.
He contrived to break out of Newgate but returned to witness the trial of one of his associates; when, upon the attempt of a turnkey, one Richard Spurling, to seize him, Will knocked him on the head in the presence of the whole court.
For this offence he suffered the extreme penalty of the law in 1712. [12] Wicks's adventures with Madame Toly are highly diverting.
It was this hero--not Turpin, as has been erroneously stated--who stopped the celebrated Lord Mohun.
Of Gettings and Grey, and "the five or six," the less said the better.
[13] One of Jack's recorded _mots_.
When a Bible was pressed upon his acceptance by Mr. Wagstaff, the chaplain, Jack refused it, saying, "that in his situation one file would be worth all the Bibles in the world."
A
gentleman who visited Newgate asked him to dinner; Sheppard replied, "that he would take an early opportunity of waiting upon him."
And we believe he kept his word.
[14] The word Tory, as here applied, must not be confounded with the term of party distinction now in general use in the political world.
It simply means a thief on a grand scale, something more than "a snapper-up of unconsidered trifles," or petty-larceny rascal.
We have classical authority for this:--TORY: "An advocate for absolute monarchy; _also, an Irish vagabond, robber, or rapparee_."
--GROSE'S _Dictionary_.
[15] A trio of famous High-Tobygloaks.
Swiftneck was a captain of _Irish_ dragoons, by-the-bye.
[16] REDMOND O'HANLON was the Rob Roy of Ireland, and his adventures, many of which are exceedingly curious, would furnish as rich _materials_ for the novelist, as they have already done for the ballad-mongers: some of them are, however, sufficiently well narrated in a pleasant little tome, published at Belfast, entitled _The History of the Rapparees_.
We are also in possession of a funeral discourse, preached at the obsequies of the "noble and renowned" Henry St. John, Esq.
, who was unfortunately killed by the _Tories_--the _Destructives_ of those days--in the induction to which we find some allusion to Redmond.
After describing the thriving condition of the north of Ireland, about 1680, the Rev. Lawrence Power, the author of the sermon, says, "One mischief there was, which indeed in a great measure destroyed all, and that was a pack of insolent bloody outlaws, whom they here call _Tories_.
These had so riveted themselves in these parts, that by the interest they had among the natives, and some English, too, _to their shame be it spoken_, they exercise a kind of separate sovereignty in three or four counties in the north of Ireland.
REDMOND O'HANLON is their chief, and has been these many years; a cunning, dangerous fellow, who, though proclaimed an outlaw with the rest of his crew, and sums of money set upon their heads, yet he reigns still, and keeps all in subjection, so far that 'tis credibly reported _he raises more in a year by contributions à-la-mode de France than the king's land taxes and chimney-money come to, and thereby is enabled to bribe clerks and officers_, IF NOT THEIR MASTERS, (!
) _and makes all too much truckle to him_."
Agitation, it seems, was not confined to our own days--but the "finest country in the world" has been, and ever will be, the same.
The old game is played under a new color--the only difference being, that had Redmond lived in our time, he would, in all probability, not only have pillaged a county, but _represented_ it in parliament.
The spirit of the Rapparee is still abroad--though we fear there is little of the _Tory_ left about it.
We recommend this note to the serious consideration of the declaimers against the sufferings of the "six millions."
[17] Here Titus was slightly in error.
He mistook the cause for the effect.
"They were called Rapparees," Mr. Malone says, "from being armed with a half-pike, called by the Irish a _rapparee_."
--TODD'S JOHNSON.
[18] _Tory_, so called from the Irish word _Toree_, give me your money.
--TODD'S JOHNSON.
[19] As he was carried to the gallows, Jack played a fine tune of his own composing on the bagpipe, which retains the name of Macpherson's tune to this day.
--_History of the Rapparees_.
[20] "Notwithstanding he was so great a rogue, Delany was a handsome, portly man, extremely diverting in company, and could behave himself before gentlemen very agreeably.
_He had a political genius_--not altogether surprising in so eminent a _Tory_--and would have made great proficiency in learning if he had rightly applied his time.
He composed several songs, and put tunes to them; and by his skill in music gained the favor of some of the leading musicians in the country, who endeavored to get him reprieved."
--_History of the Rapparees_.
The particulars of the _Songster's_ execution are singular:--"When he was brought into court to receive sentence of death, the judge told him that he was informed he should say 'that there was not a rope in Ireland sufficient to hang him.
But,' says he, 'I'll try if Kilkenny can't afford one strong enough to do your business; and if that will not do, you shall have another, and another.'
Then he ordered the sheriff to choose a rope, and Delany was ordered for execution the next day.
The sheriff having notice of his mother's boasting that no rope could hang her son--and pursuant to the judge's desire--provided two ropes, but Delany broke them one after the other!
The sheriff was then in a rage, and went for three bed-cords, which he plaited threefold together, _and they did his business_!
Yet the sheriff was afraid he was not dead; and in a passion, to make trial, stabbed him with his sword in the soles of his feet, and at last cut the rope.
After he was cut down, his body was carried into the courthouse, where it remained in the coffin for two days, standing up, till the judge and all the spectators were fully satisfied that he was stiff and dead, and then permission was given to his friends to remove the corpse and bury it."
-_History of the Rapparees_.
[21] Highwaymen, as contradistinguished from footpads.
[22] Since Mr. Coates here avows himself the writer of this diatribe against Sir Robert Walpole, attacked under the guise of _Turpin_ in the _Common Sense_ of July 30, 1737, it is useless to inquire further into its authorship.
And it remains only to refer the reader to the _Gents.
Mag.
_, vol. vii.
p. 438, for the article above quoted; and for a reply to it from the _Daily Gazetteer_ contained in p. 499 of the same volume.
[23] In reference to this imaginary charm, Sir Thomas Browne observes, in his "Vulgar Errors."
"What natural effects can reasonably be expected, when, to prevent the Ephialtes, or Nightmare, we hang a hollow stone in our stables?"
Grose also states, "that a stone with a hole in it, hung at the bed's head, will prevent the nightmare, and is therefore called a hag-stone."
The belief in this charm still lingers in some districts, and maintains, like the horse-shoe affixed to the barn-door, a feeble stand against the superstition-destroying "march of intellect."
[24] Brown's Pastorals.
[25] The Merry Beggars.
[26] The parties to be wedded find out a dead horse, or any other beast, and standing one on the one side, and the other on the other, the patrico bids them live together till death do them part; and so shaking hands, the wedding dinner is kept at the next alehouse they stumble into, where the union is nothing but knocking of cannes, and the sauce, none but drunken brawles.
--DEKKAR.
[27] Receiver.
[28] Memoirs, of the right villainous John Hall, the famous, and notorious Robber, penned from his Mouth some Time before his Death, 1708. [29] A famous highwayman.
[30] A real gentleman.
[31] Breeches and boots.
[32] Gipsy flask.
[33] How he exposes his pistols.
[34] For an account of these, see Grose.
They are much too _gross_ to be set down here.
[35] "The shalm, or shawm, was a wind instrument, like a pipe, with a swelling protuberance in the middle."
--_Earl of Northumberland's Household Book_.
[36] Perhaps the most whimsical laws that were ever prescribed to a gang of thieves were those framed by William Holliday, one of the prigging community, who was hanged in 1695: Art.
I.
directs--That none of his company should presume to wear shirts, upon pain of being cashiered.
II.
--That none should lie in any other places than stables, empty houses, or other bulks.
III.
--That they should eat nothing but what they begged, and that they should give away all the money they got by cleaning boots among one another, for the good of the fraternity.
IV.
--That they should neither learn to read nor write, that he may have them the better under command.
V.
--That they should appear every morning by nine, on the parade, to receive necessary orders.
VI.
--That none should presume to follow the scent but such as he ordered on that party.
VII.
--That if any one gave them shoes or stockings, they should convert them into money to play.
VIII.
--That they should steal nothing they could not come at, for fear of bringing a scandal upon the company.
IX.
--That they should cant better than the Newgate birds, pick pockets without bungling, outlie a Quaker, outswear a lord at a gaming-table, and brazen out all their villainies beyond an Irishman.
[37] Cell.
[38] Newgate.
[39] A woman whose husband has been hanged.
[40] A dancing-master.
[41] "Nothing, comrades; on, on," supposed to be addressed by a thief to his confederates.
[42] Thus Victor Hugo, in "Le Dernier Jour d'un Condamné," makes an imprisoned felon sing: "J'le ferai danser une danse Où il n'y a pas de plancher."
[43] Thieves in prison.
[44] Shoplifter.
[45] Pickpocket.
[46] Handkerchiefs.
[47] Rings.
[48] To the pawnbroker.
[49] Snuff-boxes.
[50] Pickpocket.
[51] The two forefingers used in picking a pocket.
[52] Pickpocket.
[53] Pick a pocket.
[54] No inside coat-pocket; buttoned up.
[55] Scissors.
[56] Steal a pocket-book.
[57] Best-made clothes.
[58] Thief.
[59] With my hair dressed in the first fashion.
[60] With several rings on my hands.
[61] Seals.
[62] Gold watch.
[63] Laced shirt.
[64] Gentlemanlike.
[65] Easily than forged notes could I pass.
[66] Favorite mistress.
[67] Police.
[68] Taken at length.
[69] Cast for transportation.
[70] Fetters.
[71] Turnkey.
[72] Gipsy.
[73] Pickpockets.
[74] This song describes pretty accurately the career of an extraordinary individual, who, in the lucid intervals of a half-crazed understanding, imposed himself upon the credulous inhabitants of Canterbury, in the year 1832, as a certain "SIR WILLIAM PERCY HONEYWOOD COURTENAY, KNIGHT OF MALTA;" and contrived--for there was considerable "method in his madness"--to support the deception during a long period.
The anachronism of his character in a tale--the data of which is nearly a century back--will, perhaps, be overlooked, when it is considered of how much value, in the illustration of "wise saws," are "_modern instances_."
Imposture and credulity are of all ages; and the Courtenays of the nineteenth are rivalled by the Tofts and Andrés of the eighteenth century.
The subjoined account of the _soi-disant_ SIR WILLIAM COURTENAY is extracted from "An Essay on his Character, and Reflections on his Trial," published at the theatre of his exploits: "About Michaelmas last it was rumored that an extraordinary man was staying at the Rose Inn of this city--Canterbury--who passed under the name of Count Rothschild, but had been recently known in London by the name of Thompson!
This would have been sufficient to excite attention, had no other incidents materially added to the excitement.
His costume and countenance denoted foreign extraction, while his language and conversation showed that he was well acquainted with almost every part of this kingdom.
He was said to live with singular frugality, notwithstanding abundant samples of wealth, and professions of an almost unlimited command of money.
He appeared to study retirement, if not concealment, although subsequent events have proved that society of every grade, beneath the middle class, is the element in which he most freely breathes.
_He often decked his person with a fine suit of Italian clothing, and sometimes with the more gay and imposing costume of the Eastern nations; yet these foreign habits were for months scarcely visible beyond the limits of the inn of his abode, and the chapel not far from it, in which he was accustomed to offer his Sabbath devotions.
_ This place was the first to which he made a public and frequent resort; and though he did not always attempt to advance towards the uppermost seat in the synagogue, he attracted attention from the mere singularity of his appearance.
"Such was the eccentric, incongruous individual who surprised our city by proposing himself as a third candidate for its representation, and who created an entertaining contest for the honor, long after the sitting candidates had composed themselves to the delightful vision of an inexpensive and unopposed return.
The notion of representing the city originated beyond all doubt in the fertile brain of the man himself.
It would seem to have been almost as sudden a thought in his mind, as it was a sudden and surprising movement in the view of the city; nor have we been able to ascertain whether his sojourn at the Rose was the cause or the effect of his offering to advocate our interests in Parliament--whether he came to the city with that high-minded purpose, or subsequently formed the notion, when he saw, or thought he saw, an opening for a stranger of enterprise like himself.
* * * * * "As the county election drew on, we believe between the nomination on Barham Downs and the voting in the cattle market of the city, the draught of a certain handbill was sent to a printer of this city, with a request that he would publish it without delay.
Our readers will not be surprised that he instantly declined the task; but as we have obtained possession of the copy, and its publication can now do no injury to any one, we entertain them with a sight of this delectable sample of Courtenay prudence and politeness.
"'O yes!
O yes!
O yes!
I, Lord Viscount William Courtenay, of Powderham Castle, Devon, do hereby proclaim Sir Thomas Tylden, Sir Brook Brydges, Sir Edward Knatchbull, and Sir William Cosway, four cowards, unfit to represent, or to assist in returning members of Parliament to serve the brave men of Kent.
"'Percy Honeywood Courtenay, of Hales and Evington Place, Kent, and Knight of Malta.
"'Any gentleman desiring to know the reasons why Lord Courtenay so publicly exposes backbiters, any man of honor shall have satisfaction at his hands, and in a public way, according to the laws of our land--trial by combat; when the Almighty God, the Lord of Hosts is his name, can decide the "truth," whether it is a libel or not.
I worship truth as my God, and will die for it--and upon this we will see who is strongest, God or man.'
"It is a coincidence too curious to be overlooked, that this doughty champion of _truth_ should so soon have removed himself from public life by an act of deliberate and wanton perjury.
We never read any of his rhapsodies, periodical or occasional, till the publication of this essay imposed the self-denying task upon us; but now we find that they abound in strong and solemn appeals to the _truth_; in bold proclamations that _truth_ is his palladium; in evidences that he writes and raves, that he draws his sword and clenches his fist, that he expends his property and the property of others committed to his hands, in no cause but that of _truth_!
His famous periodical contains much vehement declamation in defence of certain doctrines of religion, which he terms the truth of the sublime system of Christianity, and for which alone he is content to live, and also willing to die.
All who deviate from his standard of truth, whether theological or moral, philosophical or political, he appears to consider as neither fit for life nor death.
Now it is a little strange, his warmest followers being witness, that such an advocate of truth should have become the willing victim of falsehood, the ready and eager martyr of the worst form of falsehood--perjury.
"The decline of his influence between the city and county elections has been partly attributed, and not without reason, to the sudden change in his appearance from comparative youth to advancing, if not extreme age.
_On the hustings of the city he shone forth in all the dazzling lustre of an Oriental chief; and such was the effect of gay clothing on the meridian of life, that his admirers, especially of the weaker sex, would insist upon it that he had not passed the beautiful spring-time of May.
There were, indeed, some suspicious appearances of a near approach to forty, if not two or three years beyond it; but these were fondly ascribed to his foreign travels in distant and insalubrious climes; he had acquired his duskiness of complexion, and his strength of feature and violence of gesture, and his profusion of beard, in Egypt and Syria, in exploring the catacombs of the one country, and bowing at the shrines of the other.
On the other hand, the brilliancy of his eye, the melody of his voice, and the elasticity of his muscles and limbs, were sufficient arguments in favor of his having scarcely passed the limit that separates manhood from youth.
_ "All doubts on these points were removed, when the crowd of his fair admirers visited him at the retirement of his inn, and the intervals of his polling.
These _sub-Rosa_ interviews--we allude to the name of the inn, and not to anything like privacy there, which the very place and number of the visitors altogether precluded--convinced them that he was even a younger and lovelier man than his rather boisterous behavior in the hall would allow them to hope.
In fact, he was now installed by acclamation _Knight of Canterbury as well as Malta, and King of Kent as well as Jerusalem_!
It became dangerous then to whisper a syllable of suspicion against his wealth or rank, his wisdom or beauty; and all who would not bow down before this golden image were deemed worthy of no better fate than Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego--to be cast into a burning fiery furnace."
As a sequel to the above story, it may be added that the knight of Malta became the inmate of a lunatic asylum; and on his liberation was shot at the head of a band of Kentish hinds, whom he had persuaded that he was the Messiah!
[75] A pipe of tobacco.
[76] A drink composed of beer, eggs, and brandy.
[77] The supposed malignant influence of this plant is frequently alluded to by our elder dramatists; and with one of the greatest of them, Webster--as might be expected from a muse revelling like a ghoul in graves and sepulchres--it is an especial favorite.
But none have plunged so deeply into the subject as Sir Thomas Browne.
He tears up the fable root and branch.
Concerning the danger ensuing from eradication of the mandrake, the learned physician thus writes: "The last assertion is, that there follows a hazard of life to them that pull it up, that some evil fate pursues them, and that they live not very long hereafter.
Therefore the attempt hereof among the ancients was not in ordinary way;
but, as Pliny informeth, when they intended to take up the root of this plant, they took the wind thereof, and with a sword describing three circles about it, they digged it up, looking toward the west.
A conceit not only injurious unto truth and confutable by daily experience, but somewhat derogatory unto the providence of God; that is, not only to impose so destructive a quality on any plant, but to conceive a vegetable whose parts are so useful unto many, should, in the only taking up, prove mortal unto any.
This were to introduce a second forbidden fruit, and enhance the first malediction, making it not only mortal for Adam to taste the one, but capital for his posterity to eradicate or dig up the other."
--_Vulgar Errors_, book ii.
c.
vi.
[78] The moon.
[79] Light.
[80] Highwayman.
[81] "Cherry-colored--black; there being black cherries as well as red."
--GROSE.
[82] Sword.
[83] Pistols.
[84] Highway robbery.
[85] Pocket-book.
[86] Money.
[87] Bullets.
[88] The gallows.
[89] Ditto.
[90] Pocket-book.
[91] Inside coat-pocket.
[92] A small pocket-book.
[93] We have heard of a certain gentleman tobyman, we forget his name, taking the horses from his curricle for a similar purpose, but we own we think King's the simpler plan, and quite practicable still.
A cabriolet would be quite out of the question, but particularly easy to _stop_.
[94] Four celebrated highwaymen, all rejoicing in the honorable distinction of captain.
[95] The exact spot where Turpin committed this robbery, which has often been pointed out to us, lies in what is now a woody hollow, though once the old road from Altringham to Knutsford skirting the rich and sylvan domains of Dunham, and descending the hill that brings you to the bridge crossing the little river Bollin.
With some difficulty we penetrated this ravine.
It is just the place for an adventure of the kind.
A small brook wells through it; and the steep banks are overhung with timber, and were, when we last visited the place, in April, 1834, a perfect nest of primroses and wild flowers.
Hough (pronounced Hoo) Green lies about three miles across the country--the way Turpin rode.
The old Bowling-green is one of the pleasantest inns in Cheshire.
[96] Money.
[97] Man.
[98] Stripped.
[99] Fellow.
[100] A particular kind of pugilistic punishment.
[101] Kept each an eye upon the other.
[102] Hands.
[103] Deceive them.
[104] Accomplice.
[105] A farthing.
[106] Cards.
[107] Qy.
_élite_.
--PRINTER'S DEVIL.
[108] Shoot him.
[109] Since the earlier editions of this Romance were published, we regret to state--for to _us_, at least, it is matter of regret, though probably not to the travellers along the Edgeware Road--that this gentle ascent has been cut through, and the fair prospect from its brow utterly destroyed.
[110] This, we regret to say, is not the case.
The memory of bold Will Davies, the "_Golden Farmer_"--so named from the circumstances of his always paying his rent in gold,--is fast declining upon his peculiar domain, Bagshot.
The inn, which once bore his name, still remains to point out to the traveller the dangers his forefathers had to encounter in crossing this extensive heath.
Just beyond this house the common spreads out for miles on all aides in a most gallop-inviting style; and the passenger, as he gazes from the box of some flying coach, as we have done, upon the gorse-covered waste, may, without much stretch of fancy, imagine he beholds Will Davies careering like the wind over its wild and undulating expanse.
We are sorry to add that the "_Golden_ Farmer" has altered its designation to the "_Jolly_ Farmer."
This should be amended;
and when next we pass that way, we hope to see the original sign restored.
We cannot afford to lose our _golden_ farmers.
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