Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, Vol. 2, No. 22, July, 1921 — Whiz Bang Etiquette

_Whiz Bang Etiquette_ Is your etiquation on etiquette inetiquate?

Do you pull the faux pas, gaucherie, vulgarian, and other boners too humorous to mention?

Read these questions thoughtlessly, study the answers carelessly and add both to your misinformation on this subject: What do you know about introductions?

If Green and Brown met at your home brewery for the first time, would you say, “Green, meet Brown.

Boys, have a drink,” or vice versa?

Suppose the Siamese Twins dropped in about that time to borrow your recipe for double brew.

Would you present them plurally or en mash?

Don’t introduce them; familiarity breeds a thirst.

The ballroom should always be a center of (physical) culture and grace.

What is the correct position for the gentleman in dancing?

Cheek to cheek.

For the lady?

Vice versa.

Is it correct to wander away from the ballroom with a dancing partner?

If you become delirious, you may wander.

Is the “shimmy” done in the best society?

Yes.

How?

Like a bowl of jello in an earthquake.

Should one try to dance if they do not know the steps?

No, that would brand you as a hopeless vulgarian.

Should one crack jokes about the ladies’ gowns?

No, your conversation should not be confined to trivialities.

If a girl asks you in when you escort her home from the ball at 3 a. m.

, should you accept her invitation?

Politely decline, and give me her address.

Every dinner should begin with a little soup and less noise.

Should the lady of the house help the soup?

Yes, if it needs it.

What would you do if you made a wine stain on a lady’s dress?

Help her to remove it, the stain.

Should you decline wine by clapping your hand on top of your glass?

I wouldn’t. Should water be taken directly from a finger bowl?

No, a soup ladle is placed at each plate for this purpose.

Etiquette is used in many other ways, but these few simple-minded rules will get you out of some of the worst places.