Jingle Book — Christmas Gifts

[Illustration] Christmas Gifts Ten Christmas presents standing in a line;

Robert took the bicycle, then there were nine.

Nine Christmas presents ranged in order straight;

Bob took the steam engine, then there were eight.

Eight Christmas presents--and one came from Devon;

Robbie took the jackknife, then there were seven.

Seven Christmas presents direct from St. Nick's;

Bobby took the candy box, then there were six.

Six Christmas presents, one of them alive;

Rob took the puppy dog, then there were five.

Five Christmas presents yet on the floor;

Bobbin took the soldier cap, then there were four.

Four Christmas presents underneath the tree;

Bobbet took the writing desk, then there were three.

Three Christmas presents still in full view;

Robin took the checker board, then there were two.

Two Christmas presents, promising fun, Bobbles took the picture book, then there was one.

One Christmas present--and now the list is done;

Bobbinet took the sled, and then there were none.

And the same happy child received every toy, So many nicknames had one little boy.

Young America [Illustration] Wee Willie sat a-thinking, And he shook his curly head.

Around him on the nursery floor His treasures lay outspread.

Firecrackers and torpedoes, Trumpet and flag and drum, Rockets and pinwheels and paper caps, For Fourth of July had come.

"But it makes me sort o' sorry," Wee Willie said with a sigh, "To think of those poor little English boys Without any Fourth of July."

A Bicycle built for Two There was an ambitious young eel Who determined to ride on a wheel;

But try as he might, He couldn't ride right, In spite of his ardor and zeal.

If he sat on the saddle to ride His tail only pedalled one side;

And I'm sure you'll admit That an eel _couldn't_ sit On a bicycle saddle astride.

Or if he hung over the top, He could go, but he never could stop;

For of course it is clear He had no way to steer, And under the wheel he would flop.

His neighbor, observing the fun, Said, "I think that the thing can be done, If you'll listen to me, You'll quickly agree That two heads are better than one.

"And this is my project, old chap, Around our two waists I will wrap This beautiful belt Of bottle-green felt And fasten it firm with a strap."

[Illustration] This done, with a dignified mien The two squirmed up on the machine, And rode gayly away, Or at least, so they say, Who witnessed the wonderful scene.

[Illustration] Dorothy's Opinion Mamma has bought a calendar, And every single page Has pictures on of little girls 'Most just about my age.

And when she bought it yesterday, Down at the big bazaar, She said, "What lovely little girls, How true to life they are."

But I don't think they're true to life, And I'll just tell you why;

They never have a rumpled frock Or ribbon bow awry.

And though they play with cats and dogs, And rabbits and white mice, And sail their boats and fly their kites, They always look so nice.

And I am sure no little girl That ever _I_ have seen, Could play with dogs or sail a boat And keep her frock so clean.

[Illustration] The Roll of Roly Poly Roy [Illustration] Once on a time a lad I knew-- His sister called him Bubby;

His cheeks were red, his eyes were blue, And he was plump and chubby.

Indeed, he was so stout a boy, Some called him Roly Poly Roy;

They called him that For he was fat And very plump and chubby.

[Illustration] He caused his father grief profound, And made his mother worry, Because he'd roll along the ground When he was in a hurry.

For as he couldn't see his toes, He often tumbled on his nose;

So, on the whole, 'Twas best to roll When he was in a hurry.

"Get up!"

the people urged, but he Replied, "There's no use talking;

I roll around because, you see, It's easier than walking."

And though it looked extremely droll To see the lad lie down and roll, It was, forsooth, For that fat youth Far easier than walking.

[Illustration] One day he thought he'd try to ride;

Alas, he was so bulky, He tumbled off the other side, Which made him rather sulky.

He heard his comrades jeer and scoff, Again he tried and tumbled off, And when he fell They'd shout and yell-- Of course it made him sulky.

Just out of town there was a place With rolling ground and hilly, And here Roy started for a race With Dick and Tom and Willy.

You'll know of course before you're told That Roy just laid him down and rolled;

And so, you see, He easily Beat Dick and Tom and Willy.

That day two giants came along From Huncamunca Valley, Seeking some tenpins good and strong For their new bowling alley.

They reached the hilly sort of place Just as our hero won the race;

"Look at him roll!"

They said.

"He'll bowl On our new bowling alley.

"The other boys are squarely built;

For tenpins they'll do finely!

No matter if a few get kilt," And then they smiled benignly.

Quickly they kidnapped ten small boys, All howling with a fearful noise;

They took them all, And Roy for ball, And then they smiled benignly.

[Illustration] They hurried to their home and then Began their barbarous bowling.

They set in rows the children ten And then set Roy a-rolling.

But as the giants were strong and great, They shot poor Roy at such a rate, And with such might, That out of sight Poor Roy was set a-rolling.

[Illustration] He rolled and rolled and rolled and rolled, But soon, his fears dispelling, With happiness he did behold He'd safely reached his dwelling.

Secure and safe from further harms, His mother caught him in her arms, And said with joy, "My darling boy, You've safely reached your dwelling."

Now rolling seems to him to be More dangerous than walking.

And Roly Poly Roy you'll see Along the sidewalks stalking.

He'll always have a certain fear That giants may be lurking near, And so he'll go With motion slow Along the sidewalk stalking.

[Illustration] My Barometer [Illustration] My little maid with golden hair Comes each morning for a kiss;

And I know the day will be fine and fair When Polly looks like this.

[Illustration] Or I know the clouds will frown and lower, The skies will be dull and gray, And perhaps there'll be a passing shower, When Polly looks this way.

[Illustration] But a violent storm of rain or snow I can prognosticate, For the sign will never fail, I know, When this is Polly's pate.

The Butter Betty Bought Betty Botta bought some butter;

"But," said she, "this butter's bitter!

If I put it in my batter It will make my batter bitter.

But a bit o' better butter Will but make my batter better."

Then she bought a bit o' butter Better than the bitter butter, Made her bitter batter better.

So 'twas better Betty Botta Bought a bit o' better butter.

[Illustration] A Marvel An old astronomer there was Who lived up in a tower, Named Ptolemy Copernicus Flammarion McGower.

He said: "I can prognosticate With estimates correct;

And when the skies I contemplate, I know what to expect.

When dark'ning clouds obscure my sight, I think perhaps 'twill rain;

And when the stars are shining bright, I know 'tis clear again."

And then abstractedly he scanned The heavens, hour by hour, Old Ptolemy Copernicus Flammarion McGower.

An Alphabet Zoo A was an apt Alligator, Who wanted to be a head-waiter;

He said, "I opine In that field I could shine, Because I am such a good skater."

B was a beggarly Bear, Who carefully curled his front hair;

He said, "I would buy A red-spotted tie,-- But I haven't a penny to spare."

C was a cool Chimpanzee, Who went to an afternoon tea.

When they said, "Will you take A caraway cake?"

He greedily took twenty-three!

D was a diligent Doe, In summer she shovelled the snow;

In the spring and the fall She did nothing at all, And in winter the grass she would mow.

E was an erudite Ermine, Who tried very hard to determine If he _should_ earn a cent, How it ought to be spent, And decided to purchase a sermon.

F was a fussy Flamingo, Who remarked to his family, "By jingo!

I think I would go To that animal show, But they all talk such barbarous lingo."

G was a giddy Gazelle, Who never could learn how to spell;

But she managed to pass To the head of her class, Because she did fractions so well.

H was a haughty young Hawk, Who affected society talk;

But when introduced At a large chicken roost He excitedly screamed out, "Oh, Lawk!"

I was an idle Iguana, Who lived upon curried banana;

With tears he'd protest That he never could rest Till he learned to sing "Eileen Alanna."

J was a jimp Jaguar, Who purchased a Spanish guitar;

He played popular airs At _fêtes_ and at fairs, And down at the Fancy Bazaar.

K was a kind Kangaroo, Whose bonnet was always askew;

So they asked her to wait While they put it on straight And fastened it firmly with glue.

L was a lachrymose Leopard, Who ate up twelve sheep and a shepherd, But the real reason why He continued to cry Was his food was so lavishly peppered.

M was a mischievous Marten, Who went to the Free Kindergarten;

When they asked him to plat A gay-colored mat, He tackled the job like a Spartan.

N was a naughty Nylghau, Who wandered too near a buzz saw.

It cut off his toes, And the shrieks that arose Filled all of the neighbors with awe.

O was an ossified Oyster, Who decided to enter a cloister.

He could not return, So continued to yearn For his home in the sea, which was moister.

P was a poor old Poll Parrot, Who had nothing to eat but a carrot, And nothing to wear But a wig of red hair, And nowhere to live but a garret.

Q was a querulous Quab Who at every trifle would sob;

He said, "I detest To wear a plaid vest, And I hate to eat corn from the cob!"

R was a rollicking Ram, Attired in an old pillow sham.

When asked if he'd call At the masquerade ball, He said, "I'll go just as I am."

S was a shy Salamander, Who slept on a sunny veranda.

She calmly reposed, But, alas!

while she dozed They caught her and killed her and canned her.

T was a tidy young Tapir, Who went out to bring in the paper;

And when he came back He made no muddy track, For he wiped his feet clean on the scraper.

U was a young Unicorn, The bravest that ever was born.

They bought him a boat And they set him afloat, And straightway he sailed for Cape Horn.

V was a vigorous Vulture, Who taught animals physical culture;

When a pupil dropped dead, The kind teacher said, "You needn't consider sepulture."

W was a wild Worm, All day he did nothing but squirm.

They sent him to school, But he broke every rule, And left at the end of the term.

X was a Xiphias brave, Who lived on the crest of the wave.

To each fish he would say, "Good day, sir, good day!"

And then a polite bow he gave.

Y was a young Yellowhammer, Who raised a ridiculous clamor;

And he chattered until An owl said, "Keep still!

I'm trying to study my grammar."

Z was a zealous old Zibet, Toboggans he tried to prohibit.

If any one tried To take a sly slide, He ordered him hanged on a gibbet.

Found Wanting [Illustration] There lived a wondrous sculptor once, a genius in his way, Named Phidias Praxiteles Canova Merryday.

He sat within his studio and said, "I really must Begin a Rhodian anaglyptic ceroplastic bust.

"My customers demand them, their fame rings near and far, But then, alas, the trouble is, I don't know what they are.

Though I could carve a Venus or a Belvedere with ease, My wondrous skill is lacking when it comes to carving these.

"I cast and cut and chisel, I model and I mould, I copy poses picturesque from studies new and old;

In marble, bronze, and potter's clay, in wax and wood and stone I carve the old-time statues with improvements of my own.

[Illustration] "I have Apollo on a horse, Minerva on a wheel, Hercules going fishing with his basket and his creel.

A Mercury on roller-skates, Diana with a hat, And Venus playing tennis with Achilles at the bat.

"Yet these my customers pass by, and ask with interest keen, For things with long and tiresome names,--I don't know what they mean.

And so I let my hammers hang, and let my chisels rust, For I cannot do an anaglyptic ceroplastic bust."

A Tragic Tale of Tea [Illustration] The Beetle was blind, and the Bat was blinder, And they went to take tea with the Scissors-grinder.

The Scissors-grinder had gone away Across the ocean to spend the day;

But he'd tied his bell to the grapevine swing.

The Bat and the Beetle heard it ring, And neither the Beetle nor Bat could see Why no one offered them any tea.

So, polite and patient, they're waiting yet For the cup of tea they expect to get.

[Illustration] The Erratic Rat [Illustration] There was a ridiculous Rat Who was awfully puffy and fat.

"I'll carry," he said, "This plate on my head, 'Twill answer in place of a hat."

[Illustration] And then he remarked with a frown, "I suppose that I must have a gown;

I'll make me a kilt Of this old crazy-quilt, To wear when I'm going to town.

"And of course, though the weather is warm, It may be there'll come up a storm;

An umbrella I'll make Of a caraway cake, It'll match with my whole uniform.

And I'll carry a bottle of ink In case I should wish for a drink;

And this flat-iron so sweet I'll take with me to eat, And now I am ready, I think."

[Illustration] [Illustration] The Two Friends A Spider and a Centipede went out to take a walk;

The Centipede said frankly, "I will listen while you talk, But I may appear distracted, or assume a vacant stare, Because to keep my feet in step requires my constant care."

Said the Spider: "I appreciate your most peculiar case, And your feet must be quite handy when you want to run a race;

But though you gain in some ways, in some other ways you lose;

And, of course, my friend, you must be quite extravagant in shoes."

"Ah!

yes.

Ah!

yes," a heavy sigh escaped the Centipede;

"And I have other trials, too;--my life is hard indeed!

Why, sometimes when I'm very tired, a long, long time it takes To ascertain with certainty which foot it is that aches.

"And when I go to dancing-class on Saturdays at three, I find the First Position very difficult for me.

Though I put my best foot foremost, and good time I try to keep, To my chagrin, I often find a foot or two asleep.

Athletics I attempted, but, alas!

I must admit That every exercise I tried I put my foot in it.

I think I'll join a foot-ball team,--as many friends suggest,-- Before I've one foot in the grave and gout in all the rest.

But now I'll say good-morning; for, my friend, I have to stop To get my boots blacked neatly at this little boot-black's shop;

And, as you may imagine, it will keep me here some time, But, what is worse, I'll have to pay him many a hard-earned dime."

The Spider said good-morning, and pursued his way alone, And as he went he murmured, in a thoughtful undertone: "I'm a happy little Spider, and I'm very glad indeed, That I was born an octoped and not a centipede!"