Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, Vol. 3, No. 27, November, 1921 — Short Quips
Oh, Cholly!
Gwendolyn—“This is my beau’s birthday, but I don’t know what present to give him.
” Susie—“Give him a book.
” “But he already has a book.
” “Give him a box of cigars.
” “But he doesn’t smoke.
” “Give him a case of Near Beer.
” “But he doesn’t drink.
” “Well, if that’s the sort of guy he is, you’d better send him a kimona.
” * * * * * An Irishman’s Toast Whisky, you are me darlint’, I love you both early and late, You above all other liquors I pledge me whole estate.
If I were as low as a beggar, You’d make me as high as a king, And whisky, when you’re in me tummy, I rattle, I roar, and I sing.
* * * * * Brigham Young would rejoice in present day styles.
A bolt of gingham would go almost around the family.
* * * * * Embolusing the Thrombosis Question (to doctor on witness stand in murder case)—“Just tell the jury what, in your opinion, caused the death of the late Mr. Scrapple.
” Answer—“Well, when deceased laid down his full house with buoyancy of spirit and was about to reach for the pot, the accused, Mr. Jopkins, cried out, ‘Hold on!
What’s the matter with them four treys?
’ This sudden cessation of undue elation on the part of the late Mr. Scrapple created an anti-climax and caused the blood of the myocardium to go galloping round and round the heart, thus supercharging the pulmonary arteries until the renal, splenic and cerebral vessels went to pieces and left the embolus lodging crosswise against the primary thrombosis.
Thus it is self-evident that the booze he had obviously been imbibing became partially coagulated, forming an aneurism which brought about a spiflication of the sine quo non.
This would, I think, be sufficient to cause death.
” His Honor—“I think so, too.
” * * * * * Good Evening, Bartender!
Boyce—I was arrested last night for impersonating an officer.
Royce—What did you do?
Boyce—I knocked at a side door and drank the slug of hootch they handed out.
