Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, Vol. 3, No. 27, November, 1921 — Pasture Pot Pourri
Pasture Pot Pourri Sniff, Sniff _The following poem was written originally on tissue paper with a wire nail.
_ I was born about ten thousand years ago.
There isn’t a doggone thing that I don’t know.
I played “ring around the roses,” With Peter, Paul, and Moses, And I’ll choke the guy that says it isn’t so.
I once saw Satan as he looked the garden o’er.
I saw Adam and Eve kicked out of the garden door.
Through the bushes I was peeking At the apple they were eating, And I’ll swear I was the guy who ate the core.
Queen Elizabeth she fell in love with me.
We were married in Milwaukee secretly.
I tired of her and shook her And went with General Hooker To fight mosquitoes down in Tennessee.
* * * * * Whuzzat?
The Patagonian Pee Wee is now described as a small bird of the Andes which stands on its head during severe storms and huddles under its feet.
* * * * * _We are still looking for a mate to the gink who quit drinking coffee because the spoon handle hit his eye.
_ * * * * * Such a busyness!
Such a blondeness!
Such a dizzyness!
Such a fondness!
Such a kissyness!
Wife’s on t’us!
Such a pretty mess!
* * * * * In the Day’s News “The other day my mother sent me to the grocery store for a pound of sugar.
The grocer did not have any on hand, so I went out.
When I got on the icy sidewalk I slipped and fell, but I went home with some lumps anyway.
” * * * * * “_Waiter, bring me a cup of coffee the color of my girl’s neck.
_” * * * * * His Pathos Burning “You know, folks, what makes me so late in arriving at this party is that my mother lost a lid off the kitchen range, and I had to sit on the stove to keep the smoke in until she found the lid.
” * * * * * Now, after the outburst of applause has subsided, we will sing a song entitled, “Why the Corkscrew Has Lost Its Pull,” written by William Jennings Bryan.
* * * * * _Let us now sing another little song entitled, “Mother, Hang Out the Service Flag; Father Has Gone to Work Again.
”_ * * * * * “How long,” she blushingly inquired, “Must one beat a cow before she will give whipped cream?
” * * * * * Up to Date He—Where is your husband?
She—He went back to his wife.
* * * * * Height of Piety Out in San Francisco is a Scotch woman who is so religious that she will not give the children medicine on Saturday night for fear it will work on Sunday.
* * * * * _Our idea of tough luck is to work for your board and then lose your appetite.
_ * * * * * I asked her why she wore socks and she said they were not socks; that they were stockings, and she had water on the knee which caused her stockings to shrink.
I suppose her bobbed hair was caused by water on the brain.
* * * * * _Every young man believes in the advice “Begin at the Bottom” when looking over the feminine parade down the street.
_ * * * * * My father was killed in a feud.
I never would ride in one of those cheap cars.
* * * * * Another suitor won her Hand, but I am trying to win her Back.
* * * * * Lead Me to It!
Advertisement on cover of movie magazine: Picture of Billie Burke Inside.
Who said beauty is only skin deep?
* * * * * We Printed This Before _I want a good girl and I want her bad.
_ * * * * * Cut ’er Out, Dang!!
The man in the restaurant next to me made so much noise drinking his coffee that a deaf man in the front of the restaurant shouted “Run for your lives, the dam has broken!
” * * * * * _A dog can bury a bone and go to sleep knowing his “wife” won’t find it.
_ _But a man can’t get away with it, with a wife who goes through his pockets.
_ * * * * * An Accommodating Judge (From the Creston Gazette.
) The trial jurors called for the August term of the district court in this county appeared this afternoon at 1:30 when court convened and were dismissed by District Judge Evans until 9:00 A. M.
tomorrow.
Immediately after the dismissal of the jurors for the day the equity case of Reid vs. Ternihan was taken up and at the time of this paper going to press, was on trial before Judge Evans.
A number of jurors called for service this term asked to be excused from duty and some were excused.
One juror, a man, asked to be excused.
“What are your reasons for wishing to be excused?
” asked Judge Evans.
“I am needed at home,” the juror answered.
“Who did you leave at home?
” the judge asked.
“My wife and—and—the hired man,” timidly replied the juror.
He was excused until Thursday morning.
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