Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, Vol. 3, No. 27, November, 1921 — Questions and Answers
_Questions and Answers_ =_Dear Captain Billy_=—Where can I find a man like Fatty Arbuckle?
—=_Marie De Wildmen.
_= We have referred your inquiry to Pedro.
* * * * * =_Dear Captain Billy_=—What makes the wild cat wild?
—=_Larry Cranker.
_= Turpentine.
* * * * * =_Dear Captain Billy_=—What is a “soubrette?
”—=_Ivegon Buggs.
_= A singer that gets a week and sends home to mother.
* * * * * =_Dear Captain Bill_=—How long does the three-foot kiss in the movies last?
—=_Oscar Latory.
_= Long enough to warp the hands on an asbestos alarm clock.
* * * * * =_Dear Skipper_=—If you were a cowpuncher alone in a big city and without a pony, saddle, or lariat, and desired to corral a calf, what would you do?
—=_Scare D. Catt.
_= “Getting Gertie’s Garter” is one of the biggest hits of the season.
* * * * * =_Captain Billy_=—Why is it that the motion picture producers must give their picture such blatant title as “Once to Every Woman,” “Why Change Your Wife?
”, etc. Stage plays don’t have to have “alluring” names to be successful.
—=_Legit.
_= Quite right, Legit.
The “movies” ought to tone down their titles so as to make them drab and commonplace and on a par with such stage successes, as “Mary’s Ankle,” “Up in Mabel’s Room,” “Twin Beds,” and the recent Broadway hit, “Getting Gertie’s Garter.
” The last must have been some job.
* * * * * =_Dear Captain Billy_=—What is a golf hazard and what does ex-President Taft playing golf remind you of?
—=_Loon Attic.
_= A golf hazard is getting stung by a bee in a rough.
Don’t know what Taft playing golf reminds of unless it’s a hippopotamus playing tiddlywinks.
* * * * * =_Dear Billy_=—What is the best way to tell a gentleman?
—=_Root T. Toot.
_= The best way is to watch how he wears his evening clothes—or pajamas.
The first is preferable for single folk.
* * * * * =_Dear Cap_=—What is meant by the stuff dreams are made of?
—=_Near Beer.
_= Paint, powder, padding and false hair.
* * * * * =_Dear Captain Fawcett_=—Can you give me a recipe for a dish known as Strawberry Surprise?
—=_Miss Conny Sewer.
_= Pick the bones out of a quart of strawberries.
Add two pounds of borrowed sugar.
Throw in a quart of oyster shells and three raisins.
If it is good that’s the surprise.
* * * * * =_Dear Bill_=—What are the best furs for summer wear?
—=_Parry Moore.
_= Deerskin, bearskin and moleskin probably would suit your tastes.
Moleskin is very popular nowadays.
No matter where the mole is the skin can be worn to show it.
* * * * * =_Dear Cap_=—Which animal is the better fighter—dog or badger?
—=_B.
D.
Chamber.
_= It depends on how strong the badger is.
In the usual badger fight, too, much depends on the proficiency shown in the art of releasing the badger.
* * * * * =_Dear Whiz Bang_=—What bird is known as the bird of peace?
—=_Passy Fist.
_= The chicken.
* * * * * =_Captain Breezy Bill_=—Kindly give me your Whiz Bang definition of the phrase “Matrimonial Progress.
”—=_Whipper Will.
_= Adhering strictly to Queens-Gooseberry rules, I cheerfully submit the following: “Maid One; Maid Won; Made One.
” * * * * * =_Dear Billy_=—Where do women’s styles start?
—=_Miss Wobb L. Walke.
_= Styles start in Paris but we finish ’em here.
* * * * * =_Dear Whiz Bang_=—Can you tell me if it is true that some animals use their tails as signals?
—=_Dr.
Walloper.
_= Yes, indeed—here in Robbinsdale and elsewhere.
The South American puma is said to agitate its tail-tip to entice grazing, curious creatures.
The white underneath part of several varieties of deer are said to be used as a guide for other members of the herd.
The horse uses his tail as a sun shade for the driver.
Probably there are other animals that use their tails, but as we have never taken our post-graduate degree in tail technology, this meager answer will have to suffice for the present.
* * * * * =_Dear Captain Billy_=—Would you please define “Platonic Love?
”—=_Plute O.
Fizz.
_= “Platonic Love” means that you can kiss her all you want and forget she is a woman.
But there ain’t no such animal.
* * * * * =_Dear Captain Billy_=—Is it true that Fatty Arbuckle is to plead “insanity”?
—=_Aunty I. Over.
_=
