This Giddy Globe — 09 - Part 3, Chapters 33-37
[Illustration] Monaco is the centre of the spinning industry of the world.
Over a million and a quarter people go to Monte Carlo every year to spin.
* * * The inhabitants of Monaco are the most Moral and Patriotic people in the World, and their army is second to none in bravery and won the World War.
CHAPTER XXXIV TURKEY
[Illustration] When what was once a Turkey comes before us on a platter (like this) shorn of all that endeared it to itself, a burnt offering to Appetite, fresh from the burning, no one questions what will be the "_ ...
last scene of all.
That ends this strange eventful history.
_" All he wants to know is whether he will get the particular slice he has mentally reserved for himself.
Just so that other Turkey that sits on the fence between Europe and Asia and gobbles defiance at an avenging world.
The avenging Powers sit round as they have sat round before, waiting each one for the slice he has mentally reserved for himself.
But there won't be any slices!
_You may burn, you may shatter_ _The Turk if you will,_ _He will rise from his ashes_ _And roost with you still.
_ He is the modern incarnation of the indestructible Phoenix Bird.
Nevertheless we must give the Devil his due; the Turks are a fearless people; they have many wives.
* * * The inhabitants of Turkey are the most Moral and Patriotic people in the World, and their army is second to none in bravery and they won the World War.
[Illustration: A PERFECT DAY IN PETROGRAD] CHAPTER XXXV RUSSIA
Russia comprises one-sixth of the landscape and snowscape of the Globe.
Formerly the property of a Czar named Nicholas, it is now owned by a Superczar named Lenine.
The principal objects of interest are Samovars, Soviets, Sables, and the Steppes.
The Steppes of Russia, though vast and quite bare, have nothing to do with those of the Russian Dancers.
At the present stage of Russian Affairs they may better be compared to the well-known Steps to Avernus, which are for descent only--and easy at that!
Today almost the only articles of Russian Manufacture are Natural Ice and Press Dispatches.
Of manufacture of the latter, as regards volume at least, there has never been such an enorm----* * Why go on about Russia?
_The Reader.
_ Quite right!
Russia is too large for such a little Geography as this.
[Illustration: Map of THE BLACK SEA] We will leave Russia as quickly as possible.
Watch your Steppe!
CHAPTER XXXVI NORWAY AND SWEDEN
It is all very sad about Norway and Sweden!
A handsomer country couple--or couple of countries--it would be hard to meet anywhere, and so propinquous!
Have they not been next-door neighbours from the infancy of the world?
And everybody knows what Propinquity does.
It is Cupid's middle name; what more natural than that they should get married?
Haven't you heard?
Well, it all happened so quickly, they were married in Vienna in 1815, and--well, you know Propinquity is the Devil's middle name, too--they were divorced in 1905 after a brief married life of only ninety years!
What could have been the trouble?
Some say the food, others attribute it to the Domestic Drama.
Perhaps it was both.
Here is a typical Scandinavian Menu-- Pjkled Ojsters Bjsque of Snajls Frjed Fjsh Natjve Wjne Qujnce Jce-cream Onjons and Bjsqujts It might almost pass for an Ibsen Play with the average theatre-goer; it has what the average theatre-goer calls "atmosphere."
[Illustration] _I once drew Ibsen, looking bored_ _Across a deep Norwegian Fjord,_ _And very nearly everyone_ _Mistook him for the Midnight Sun.
_ Norway is the home of the Ibsenian or stodgy, as distinguished from the stagey, Drama.
James Huneker, the eminent Lexicographer, as a compliment to that great and hirsutiferous playwright, has re-christened Norway "The Land of the Midnight Whiskers."
* * * The inhabitants of Norway and Sweden are the most Moral and Patriotic People in the World, and they won the World War.
CHAPTER XXXVII AFRICA
"The apparel oft proclaims the man."
--HAMLET.
Africa is the richest "jack-pot" in the game of territorial "freeze-out" played by the European Powers.
The stakes represent diamonds, gold, ivory, rubber and slaves, though the latter are nominally outside the limit.
[Illustration: AN ELEPHANT (From an instantaneous photograph of an animal cracker)] The game began nearly three centuries ago and now in the early morning of the twentieth century (such a fascinating game is Poker!
) it is still in progress, though Germany, who staked all her pile and lost, has dropped out.
[Illustration: A LION (From an instantaneous photograph of an animal cracker)] The ancient Greek Geographer Strabo (64 B. C.
) describes Africa as "the fruitful nurse of large serpents, elephants, antelopes and similar animals; of lions also and panthers."
He does not mention the Chimpanzees, who are the most remarkable of all the aboriginal inhabitants, a gentle and peace-loving race, abstemious without being bigoted, and patriotic to a high degree, very few surviving transportation from their native jungle.
[Illustration] _Children, behold the Chimpanzee!
_ _He sits on the ancestral tree_ _From which we sprang in ages gone,_ _I'm glad we sprang--had we held on_ _We might, for all that I can say,_ _Be horrid Chimpanzees to-day.
_ * * * The inhabitants of Africa are the most Moral and Patriotic in the World, and their army is second to none in bravery and won the World War.
CHAPTER XXXVIII ARABIA
