Silly Syclopedia — 05 - M-Q
LOVE.
A certain party who is supposed to be blind, but he doesn't seem to have much trouble in finding someone to lead him around.
[Illustration: "M--One experiment that few are willing to make."
] Money cannot buy happiness, but most of us are willing to make the experiment.
Many people would take a short walk on the road to ruin if they were sure their friends wouldn't see them.
Money is the root of much friendship.
Marry in haste and repent in Dakota.
* * * * * #### M: The thirteenth letter of the alphabet, which very few people use because thirteen is unlucky.
#### * * * * * MACARONI.
An excuse for opening an Italian restaurant.
MAP.
That part of the human face which is visible above the collar.
[Illustration] MARVEL.
A man who never tells you his troubles.
MEDAL.
A gold or silver dingus which you get for doing something you intended to do anyway.
MEDDLER.
The fellow who butts in and says you're not entitled to a medal.
MISER.
A man who has all the money he wants but wants more.
MONEY.
Something which talks, but a poor man can't keep it long enough to know what it says.
[Illustration: 1/1000 MICROBE ENLARGED] MICROBE.
A very small animal that devotes all its energy to moving into the system of an entire stranger.
Once in it begins to do light housekeeping on the aforementioned stranger's epiglottis.
(For the meaning of epiglottis consult the first doctor you meet.
If he doesn't tell you he's no gentleman.
) [Illustration: N ] No matter how many good things our friends say about us, we are never surprised.
Nothing is so astonishing to us as another man's success.
Needless to say, a friend in need is a friend in the soup.
Nothing ventured nothing wonderful.
* * * * * ### N: The fourteenth letter of the alphabet, sometimes called a nasal by those who ought to know better.
### * * * * * NABOB.
A man who can put on a new suit of clothes every fifteen minutes.
NATION.
A large principality ready to go to war at a moment's notice.
For example: Carrie Nation.
NATURE.
Something which makes no mistakes, with the exception of a crowded street car.
NECESSITY.
The mother of many an empty stomach.
[Illustration] NECK.
A place to get it in.
NEXT.
The battle cry in a barber shop before blood is shed.
NIT.
An abbreviation of Nix.
NIX.
An abbreviation of Nit.
NOPE.
An abbreviation of No!
[Illustration] NOISE.
The sound of a new suit of clothes on a loud man.
NODDLE.
The place where some people think they think.
NOVEL.
A book that sells better than it reads.
[Illustration: "O--A well balanced Head."
] Of two evils choose the one least likely to be talked about.
Oh, yes, the man with a jag can hold on to the fence, but he can't hold on to his reputation.
Opportunity is something a Fool waits for while the Wise Guy runs down the road to meet it.
Occasionally we meet men who have to part their hair in the middle in order to have a well-balanced head.
* * * * * ### O: The fifteenth letter of the alphabet, used principally by the Irish in front of their names.
### * * * * * OH!
The mild-mannered sister of Ouch!
OATS.
A substance invented by Nature and intended for a breakfast food, but because pine shavings are cheaper it is now obsolete.
OBEY.
A word put in the marriage service for the purpose of giving the parties of the first part something to kick about.
[Illustration] OCULIST.
A man many young people should consult who think they have fallen in love at first sight.
OIL.
See John D. Rockerfeller--if you can.
OLD HEN.
The pet name a man has for his wife because she rules the roost.
OLIVE.
A green grape dropped in a cocktail so the customer can pull it out with his fingers.
See _Cherry_.
ONION.
A noisy vegetable eaten principally by people who sit next to us in street cars.
OPERA.
A device used for the purpose of making a fortune for a good singer.
OPPORTUNITY.
Something never seen until it is not there to be looked at.
ORIGINALITY.
The gift some people have of saying the bright things which we intended to think about later on.
OSLER.
A modern abbreviation of chloroform.
An up to date bogie man invented for the purpose of chasing "has-beens" to the woods.
OSLERESQUE.
The state of being ready for _Oslerizing_.
See any man over forty.
OSLERISM.
The art of picking out a fit subject for the _Osler_ treatment.
"You can lead an old man into a drugstore but you can't make him drink chloroform."
(Tupper's Proverbial Philosophy, page 19. ) OSLERIZE.
To pour chloroform over an old man's breakfast food and telephone for the undertaker.
OSLERITIS.
An attack of hysteria which broke out at a banquet and became epidemic in the newspapers.
OSLEROOZA.
A man who believes in _Oslerism_.
He is generally a young man in love with a girl whose Papa is over forty and who wears No. 11 shoes of a high voltage.
OSLERETTA.
A young woman who believes in _Oslerism_.
She is the same girl whose Papa has just been mentioned.
[Illustration: "P--Philosophy makes good reading for the man who has his rent paid."
] Perseverance is the root of all money.
Perhaps you have met the man who is so wrapped up in himself that he thinks he is a warm baby.
Pleasure travels with a brass band, but Trouble sneaks in on rubber shoes.
Philosophers do not believe half the things they tell themselves.
* * * * * ### P: The sixteenth letter of the alphabet, used principally in pickled peppers.
### * * * * * PAINT.
A polite name for balloon juice.
See the bartender.
PALPITATION OF THE TONGUE.
A disease that affects many women.
PATRIOT.
A man who spends all his money for fireworks for the little boy and doesn't hold out for the doctor's bill.
PATHOS.
A poor man laughing at his rich wife's poor joke.
PEACH.
A bit of domestic fruit, consisting of blonde tresses, a dimple, and three bows of pink ribbon.
PEEKABOO.
A summer idea invented for the purpose of making a girl's shirtwaist something like a barb-wire fence with a full view of the scenery.
It is constructed by making one stitch and forgetting seven.
The Peekaboo is the only friend the mosquito has on earth.
PENITENTIARY.
An assembly hall which always plays to a full house because whiskey is it's advance agent.
PHILOSOPHER.
A man who can size himself up and forget the result.
PLAN.
Something which any fool can lay, but it takes patience like a hen to hatch it.
PLEASURE.
Fun you have to-day so you can worry over it to-morrow.
[Illustration] POETICAL LICENSE.
A woman who weighs 275 pounds and listens to the name of Birdie.
POLITICS.
The place where a man gets it--sometimes in the neck, sometimes in the bank.
POLITICIAN.
The reason we have so much politics.
POPULARITY.
The cold storage house where the world sends her favorites before she forgets them.
POSTERITY.
A lot of people who will forget all about you before they are born.
PRACTICAL JOKE.
When Nature makes a pink lobster look like a man.
PREDICTION.
A bit of funny business invented by the Weather Man for the purpose of playing tiddledewinks with the weather.
He says what he thinks it will be and then the weather is what it pleases.
[Illustration] PROMISE.
What a man says to a woman or a child to keep them quiet.
PRUDE.
A female lady who wishes someone will say something so she can blush to listen and listen to blush.
[Illustration: "Q--Young writers Outfit."
] Quitters cannot be trained to quit quitting.
Queer, isn't it, that the lazier a man gets the more he wants to work somebody else.
Quotation marks cover a multitude of plagiarists.
Qualmless consciences are fashionable nowadays.
* * * * * ### Q: The seventeenth and the most hunted letter in the alphabet, because it is always followed by u. ### * * * * * QUACK.
A doctor who ducks the law.
QUARREL.
Something that shouldn't be picked before it's ripe.
QUART.
The amount of wine a sport always wants to open.
QUIRE.
A bunch of singers in a church.
Sometimes called _Choir_, sometimes called down.
See Scrap, fight, jealousy.
[Illustration] QUIVER.
To shake for the drinks.
QUITTER.
A man who stops before he gets started.
