Ragged Trousered Philanthropists — Chapter 45, Part 1
Chapter 45
The Great Oration The outlook for the approaching winter was—as usual—gloomy in the extreme.
One of the leading daily newspapers published an article prophesying a period of severe industrial depression.
“As the warehouses were glutted with the things produced by the working classes, there was no need for them to do any more work—at present; and so they would now have to go and starve until such time as their masters had sold or consumed the things already produced.
” Of course, the writer of the article did not put it exactly like that, but that was what it amounted to.
This article was quoted by nearly all the other papers, both Liberal and Conservative.
The Tory papers—ignoring the fact that all the Protectionist countries were in exactly the same condition, published yards of misleading articles about Tariff Reform.
The Liberal papers said Tariff Reform was no remedy.
Look at America and Germany—worse than here!
Still, the situation was undoubtedly very serious—continued the Liberal papers—and Something would have to be done.
They did not say exactly what, because, of course, they did not know; but Something would have to be done—tomorrow.
They talked vaguely about Re-afforestation, and Reclaiming of Foreshores, and Sea walls: but of course there was the question of Cost!
that was a difficulty.
But all the same Something would have to be done.
Some Experiments must be tried!
Great caution was necessary in dealing with such difficult problems!
We must go slow, and if in the meantime a few thousand children die of starvation, or become “rickety” or consumptive through lack of proper nutrition it is, of course, very regrettable, but after all they are only working-class children, so it doesn’t matter a great deal.
Most of the writers of these Liberal and Tory papers seemed to think that all that was necessary was to find “Work” for the “working” class!
That was their conception of a civilized nation in the twentieth century!
For the majority of the people to work like brutes in order to obtain a “living wage” for themselves and to create luxuries for a small minority of persons who are too lazy to work at all!
And although this was all they thought was necessary, they did not know what to do in order to bring even that much to pass!
Winter was returning, bringing in its train the usual crop of horrors, and the Liberal and Tory monopolists of wisdom did not know what to do!
Rushton’s had so little work in that nearly all the hands expected that they would be slaughtered the next Saturday after the “Beano” and there was one man—Jim Smith he was called—who was not allowed to live even till then: he got the sack before breakfast on the Monday morning after the Beano.
This man was about forty-five years old, but very short for his age, being only a little over five feet in height.
The other men used to say that Little Jim was not made right, for while his body was big enough for a six-footer, his legs were very short, and the fact that he was rather inclined to be fat added to the oddity of his appearance.
On the Monday morning after the Beano he was painting an upper room in a house where several other men were working, and it was customary for the coddy to shout “Yo!
Ho!
” at mealtimes, to let the hands know when it was time to leave off work.
At about ten minutes to eight, Jim had squared the part of the work he had been doing—the window—so he decided not to start on the door or the skirting until after breakfast.
Whilst he was waiting for the foreman to shout “Yo!
Ho!
” his mind reverted to the Beano, and he began to hum the tunes of some of the songs that had been sung.
He hummed the tune of “He’s a jolly good fellow”, and he could not get the tune out of his mind: it kept buzzing in his head.
He wondered what time it was?
It could not be very far off eight now, to judge by the amount of work he had done since six o’clock.
He had rubbed down and stopped all the woodwork and painted the window.
A
jolly good two hours’ work!
He was only getting sixpence-halfpenny an hour and if he hadn’t earned a bob he hadn’t earned nothing!
Anyhow, whether he had done enough for ’em or not he wasn’t goin’ to do no more before breakfast.
The tune of “He’s a jolly good fellow” was still buzzing in his head;
he thrust his hands deep down in his trouser pockets, and began to polka round the room, humming softly: “I won’t do no more before breakfast!
I won’t do no more before breakfast!
I won’t do no more before breakfast!
So ’ip ’ip ’ip ’ooray!
So ’ip ’ip ’ip ’ooray So ’ip ’ip ’ooray!
I won’t do no more before breakfast—etc. ” “No!
and you won’t do but very little after breakfast, here!
” shouted Hunter, suddenly entering the room.
“I’ve bin watchin’ of you through the crack of the door for the last ’arf hour; and you’ve not done a dam’ stroke all the time.
You make out yer time sheet, and go to the office at nine o’clock and git yer money;
we can’t afford to pay you for playing the fool.
” Leaving the man dumbfounded and without waiting for a reply, Misery went downstairs and after kicking up a devil of a row with the foreman for the lack of discipline on the job, he instructed him that Smith was not to be permitted to resume work after breakfast.
Then he rode away.
He had come in so stealthily that no one had known anything of his arrival until they heard him bellowing at Smith.
The latter did not stay to take breakfast but went off at once, and when he was gone the other chaps said it served him bloody well right: he was always singing, he ought to have more sense.
You can’t do as you like nowadays you know!
Easton—who was working at another job with Crass as his foreman—knew that unless some more work came in he was likely to be one of those who would have to go.
As far as he could see it was only a week or two at the most before everything would be finished up.
But notwithstanding the prospect of being out of work so soon he was far happier than he had been for several months past, for he imagined he had discovered the cause of Ruth’s strange manner.
This knowledge came to him on the night of the Beano.
When he arrived home he found that Ruth had already gone to bed: she had not been well, and it was Mrs Linden’s explanation of her illness that led Easton to think that he had discovered the cause of the unhappiness of the last few months.
Now that he knew—as he thought—he blamed himself for not having been more considerate and patient with her.
At the same time he was at a loss to understand why she had not told him about it herself.
The only explanation he could think of was the one suggested by Mrs Linden—that at such times women often behaved strangely.
However that might be, he was glad to think he knew the reason of it all, and he resolved that he would be more gentle and forebearing with her.
The place where he was working was practically finished.
It was a large house called “The Refuge”, very similar to “The Cave”, and during the last week or two, it had become what they called a “hospital”.
That is, as the other jobs became finished the men were nearly all sent to this one, so that there was quite a large crowd of them there.
The inside work was all finished—with the exception of the kitchen, which was used as a mess room, and the scullery, which was the paint shop.
Everybody was working on the job.
Poor old Joe Philpot, whose rheumatism had been very bad lately, was doing a very rough job—painting the gable from a long ladder.
But though there were plenty of younger men more suitable for this, Philpot did not care to complain for fear Crass or Misery should think he was not up to his work.
At dinner time all the old hands assembled in the kitchen, including Crass, Easton, Harlow, Bundy and Dick Wantley, who still sat on a pail behind his usual moat.
Philpot and Harlow were absent and everybody wondered what had become of them.
Several times during the morning they had been seen whispering together and comparing scraps of paper, and various theories were put forward to account for their disappearance.
Most of the men thought they must have heard something good about the probable winner of the Handicap and had gone to put something on.
Some others thought that perhaps they had heard of another “job” about to be started by some other firm and had gone to inquire about it.
“Looks to me as if they’ll stand a very good chance of gettin’ drowned if they’re gone very far,” remarked Easton, referring to the weather.
It had been threatening to rain all the morning, and during the last few minutes it had become so dark that Crass lit the gas, so that—as he expressed it—they should be able to see the way to their mouths.
Outside, the wind grew more boisterous every moment; the darkness continued to increase, and presently there succeeded a torrential downfall of rain, which beat fiercely against the windows, and poured in torrents down the glass.
The men glanced gloomily at each other.
No more work could be done outside that day, and there was nothing left to do inside.
As they were paid by the hour, this would mean that they would have to lose half a day’s pay.
“If it keeps on like this we won’t be able to do no more work, and we won’t be able to go home either,” remarked Easton.
“Well, we’re all right ’ere, ain’t we?
” said the man behind the moat;
“there’s a nice fire and plenty of heasy chairs.
Wot the ’ell more do you want?
” “Yes,” remarked another philosopher.
“If we only had a shove-ha’penny table or a ring board, I reckon we should be able to enjoy ourselves all right.
” Philpot and Harlow were still absent, and the others again fell to wondering where they could be.
“I see old Joe up on ’is ladder only a few minutes before twelve,” remarked Wantley.
Everyone agreed that it was a mystery.
At this moment the two truants returned, looking very important.
Philpot was armed with a hammer and carried a pair of steps, while Harlow bore a large piece of wallpaper which the two of them proceeded to tack on the wall, much to the amusement of the others, who read the announcement opposite written in charcoal.
Every day at meals since Barrington’s unexpected outburst at the Beano dinner, the men had been trying their best to “kid him on” to make another speech, but so far without success.
If anything, he had been even more silent and reserved than before, as if he felt some regret that he had spoken as he had on that occasion.
Crass and his disciples attributed Barrington’s manner to fear that he was going to get the sack for his trouble and they agreed amongst themselves that it would serve him bloody well right if ’e did get the push.
When they had fixed the poster on the wall, Philpot stood the steps in the corner of the room, with the back part facing outwards, and then, everything being ready for the lecturer, the two sat down in their accustomed places and began to eat their dinners, Harlow remarking that they would have to buck up or they would be too late for the meeting;
and the rest of the crowd began to discuss the poster.
“Wot the ’ell does PLO mean?
” demanded Bundy, with a puzzled expression.
“Plain Layer On,” answered Philpot modestly.
“’Ave you ever ’eard the Professor preach before?
” inquired the man on the pail, addressing Bundy.
Imperial Bankquet Hall “The Refuge” on Thursday at 12. 30 prompt Professor Barrington WILL DELIVER A
ORATION
ENTITLED
THE GREAT SECRET, OR
HOW TO LIVE WITHOUT WORK
The Rev. Joe Philpot PLO (Late absconding secretary of the light refreshment fund) Will take the chair and anything else he can lay his hands on.
At The End Of The Lecture A MEETING WILL BE
ARRANGED
And carried out according to the Marquis of Queensbury’s Rules.
A Collection will be took up in aid of the cost of printing “Only once, at the Beano,” replied that individual; “an’ that was once too often!
” “Finest speaker I ever ’eard,” said the man on the pail with enthusiasm.
“I wouldn’t miss this lecture for anything: this is one of ’is best subjects.
I got ’ere about two hours before the doors was opened, so as to be sure to get a seat.
” “Yes, it’s a very good subject,” said Crass, with a sneer.
“I believe most of the Labour Members in Parliament is well up in it.
” “And wot about the other members?
” demanded Philpot.
“Seems to me as if most of them knows something about it too.
” “The difference is,” said Owen, “the working classes voluntarily pay to keep the Labour Members, but whether they like it or not, they have to keep the others.
” “The Labour members is sent to the ’Ouse of Commons,” said Harlow, “and paid their wages to do certain work for the benefit of the working classes, just the same as we’re sent ’ere and paid our wages by the Bloke to paint this ’ouse.
” “Yes,” said Crass; “but if we didn’t do the work we’re paid to do, we should bloody soon get the sack.
” “I can’t see how we’ve got to keep the other members,” said Slyme;
“they’re mostly rich men, and they live on their own money.
” “Of course,” said Crass.
“And I should like to know where we should be without ’em!
Talk about us keepin’ them!
It seems to me more like it that they keeps us!
The likes of us lives on rich people.
Where should we be if it wasn’t for all the money they spend and the work they ’as done?
If the owner of this ’ouse ’adn’t ’ad the money to spend to ’ave it done up, most of us would ’ave bin out of work this last six weeks, and starvin’, the same as lots of others ’as been.
” “Oh yes, that’s right enough,” agreed Bundy.
“Labour is no good without Capital.
Before any work can be done there’s one thing necessary, and that’s money.
It would be easy to find work for all the unemployed if the local authorities could only raise the money.
” “Yes; that’s quite true,” said Owen.
“And that proves that money is the cause of poverty, because poverty consists in being short of the necessaries of life: the necessaries of life are all produced by labour applied to the raw materials: the raw materials exist in abundance and there are plenty of people able and willing to work; but under present conditions no work can be done without money; and so we have the spectacle of a great army of people compelled to stand idle and starve by the side of the raw materials from which their labour could produce abundance of all the things they need—they are rendered helpless by the power of Money!
Those who possess all the money say that the necessaries of life shall not be produced except for their profit.
” “Yes!
and you can’t alter it,” said Crass, triumphantly.
“It’s always been like it, and it always will be like it.
” “’Ear!
’Ear!
” shouted the man behind the moat.
“There’s always been rich and poor in the world, and there always will be.
” Several others expressed their enthusiastic agreement with Crass’s opinion, and most of them appeared to be highly delighted to think that the existing state of affairs could never be altered.
“It hasn’t always been like it, and it won’t always be like it,” said Owen.
“The time will come, and it’s not very far distant, when the necessaries of life will be produced for use and not for profit.
The time is coming when it will no longer be possible for a few selfish people to condemn thousands of men and women and little children to live in misery and die of want.
” “Ah well, it won’t be in your time, or mine either,” said Crass gleefully, and most of the others laughed with imbecile satisfaction.
“I’ve ’eard a ’ell of a lot about this ’ere Socialism,” remarked the man behind the moat, “but up to now I’ve never met nobody wot could tell you plainly exactly wot it is.
” “Yes; that’s what I should like to know too,” said Easton.
“Socialism means, ‘What’s yours is mine, and what’s mine’s me own,’” observed Bundy, and during the laughter that greeted this definition Slyme was heard to say that Socialism meant Materialism, Atheism and Free Love, and if it were ever to come about it would degrade men and women to the level of brute beasts.
Harlow said Socialism was a beautiful ideal, which he for one would be very glad to see realized, and he was afraid it was altogether too good to be practical, because human nature is too mean and selfish.
Sawkins said that Socialism was a lot of bloody rot, and Crass expressed the opinion—which he had culled from the delectable columns of the Obscurer—that it meant robbing the industrious for the benefit of the idle and thriftless.
