Why Marry? — Act 2
_It is the next morning, Sunday.
_ _It appears that at JOHN'S country place they have breakfast at small tables out upon the broad, shaded terrace overlooking the glorious view of his little farm.
_ _ERNEST and THEODORE, the scientist and the clergyman, are breakfasting together.
The others are either breakfasting in their rooms or are not yet down, it being Sunday.
_ _The man of God is enjoying his material blessings heartily.
Also he seems to be enjoying his view of the man of science, who eats little and says less.
_ THEODORE
[_with coffee-cup poised_] What's the matter with your appetite this morning, Ernest?
[_ERNEST,
gazing up at one of the second-story windows, does not hear.
The door opens.
He starts.
Then, seeing it's only a servant with food, he sighs.
_] Expecting something?
The codfish balls?
Well, here they are.
[_ERNEST refuses the proffered codfish balls, scowls, brings out cigar case, lights cigar, looks at watch, and fidgets.
_] Oh, I know--you're crazy to go with me--to church!
[_ERNEST doesn't hear.
Creates a cloud of smoke.
_] Their regular rector is ill.
So I agreed to take the service this morning....
Always the way when off for a rest ...
isn't it?
[_No answer.
THEODORE gets up, walks around the table, and shouts in ERNEST'S face.
_] Isn't it?
ERNEST
[_startled_] I beg your pardon?
THEODORE
[_laughs, ERNEST wondering what's the joke_] Oh, you're hopeless!
[_Going.
_] I can't stand people who talk so much at breakfast.
ERNEST
[_suddenly wakes up_] Wait a minute.
Sit down.
Have a cigar.
Let's talk about God.
[_THEODORE
stops smiling.
_] But I mean it.
I'd like to have a religion myself.
THEODORE
I had an idea you took no stock in religion.
[_Takes the cigar.
ERNEST holds a match for him.
_ ERNEST
[_enthusiastically_] Just what I thought, until ...
well, I've made a discovery, a great discovery!
THEODORE
A scientific discovery?
ERNEST
[_with a wave of the hand_] It makes all science look like a ...
mere machine.
THEODORE
Well, if you feel so strongly about it ...
better come to church after all!
ERNEST
I'm not talking about the Church--I'm talking about _religion_.
THEODORE
You're not talking about religion; you're talking about--love.
ERNEST
[_quietly_] Certainly; the same thing, isn't it?
I'm talking about the divine fire that glorifies life and perpetuates it--the one eternal thing we mortals share with God....
If _that_ isn't religious, what is?
[_THEODORE smiles indulgently.
_] Tell me, Theodore--you know I wasn't allowed to go to church when young, and since then I've always worked on the holy Sabbath day, like yourself--does the Church still let innocent human beings think there's something inherently wrong about sex?
[_THEODORE drops his eyes.
ERNEST disgusted with him.
_] I see!
Good people should drop their eyes even at the mention of the word.
THEODORE
Sex is a necessary evil, I admit, but---- ERNEST
[_laughs_] Evil!
The God-given impulse which accounts for you sitting there, for me sitting here?
The splendid instinct which writes our poetry, builds our civilizations, founds our churches--the very heart and soul of life is evil.
Really, Theodore, I don't know much about religion, but that strikes me as blasphemy against the Creator.
THEODORE
Very scientific, my boy, very modern; but the Church believed in marriage before Science was born.
ERNEST
As a compromise with evil?
THEODORE
As a sacrament of religion--and so do you!
ERNEST
Good!
Then why practise and preach marriage as a sacrament of property?
"Who giveth this woman to be married to this man--" Women are still goods and chattels to be given or sold, are they?
THEODORE
Oh, nonsense!
ERNEST
Then why keep on making them promise to "serve and obey"?
Why marry them with a ring--the link of the ancient chain?
[_He smiles.
_] In the days of physical force it was made of iron--now of gold.
But it's still a chain, isn't it?
THEODORE
Symbols, my dear fellow, not to be taken in a literal sense--time-honored and beautiful symbols.
ERNEST
But why insult a woman you respect--even symbolically?
THEODORE
[_with a laugh_] Oh, you scientists!
ERNEST
[_joining in the laugh_] We try to find the truth--and you try to hide it, eh?
Well, there's one thing we have in common, anyway--one faith I'll never doubt again; I believe in Heaven now.
I always shall.
THEODORE
Do you mind telling me why, my boy?
ERNEST
Not in the least.
I've been there.
[_JOHN comes out to breakfast.
He is scowling.
_] Good morning; could you spare me five minutes?
JOHN
[_ringing bell_] Haven't had breakfast yet.
ERNEST
After breakfast?
JOHN
I've an appointment with young Baker.
ERNEST
[_smiles_] I'll wait my turn.
JOHN
Going to be pretty busy to-day--you, too, I suppose, if you're sailing to-morrow.
ERNEST
I can postpone sailing.
This is more important.
JOHN
I should hate to see _anything_ interfere with your career.
[_LUCY also arrives for breakfast.
She "always pours her husband's coffee."
_ ERNEST
I appreciate your interest, but I'll look out for my "career."
[_To LUCY.
_] Could you tell me when your sister will be down?
JOHN
[_overriding LUCY_] My sister is ill and won't be down at all ...
until _after_ you _leave_.
[_LUCY pretends not to hear.
THEODORE walks away.
_ ERNEST
[_aroused, but calm_] I don't believe you quite understand.
It is a matter of indifference to me whether we have a talk or not.
Entirely out of courtesy to you that I suggest it.
JOHN
Don't inconvenience yourself on my account.
ERNEST
[_shrugs shoulders and turns to THEODORE_] Wait, I think I'll sit in church till train time.
THEODORE
[_smoothing it over_] Come along.
I'm going to preach about marriage!
[_THEODORE starts off.
_ ERNEST
[_going, turns to LUCY_] Thanks for your kindness.
Will you ask the valet to pack my things, please?
I'll call for them on the way to the station.
[_To JOHN.
_] Do you understand?
I have no favors to ask of you.
You don't own your sister--she owns herself.
[_The scientist goes to church.
_ JOHN
[_with a loud laugh, turns to LUCY_] Rather impertinent for a two-thousand-dollar man, I think.
[_Resumes breakfast, picks up newspaper.
LUCY says nothing, attending to his wants solicitously.
_] Bah!
what does this highbrow know about the power men of my sort can use ...
when we have to?
[_LUCY cringes dutifully in silence.
JOHN, paper in one hand, brusquely passes cup to LUCY with other.
_] Helen got her own way about college, about work, about living in her own apartment--but if she thinks she can put _this_ across!
Humph!
These modern women must learn their place.
[_LUCY, smiling timidly, returns cup.
JOHN takes it without thanks, busied in newspapers.
A look of resentment creeps over LUCY'S pretty face, now that he can't see her.
_] Ah!
I've got something up my sleeve for that young woman.
[_LUCY says nothing, looks of contempt while he reads.
_] Well, why don't you say something?
LUCY
[_startled_] I thought you didn't like me to talk at breakfast, dear.
JOHN
Think I like you to sit there like a mummy?
[_No reply.
_] Haven't you _any_thing to say?
[_Apparently not.
_] You never have any more, nothing interesting....
Does it ever occur to you that I'd like to be diverted?...
No!
LUCY
Yes....
Would you mind very much if ...
if I left you, John?
JOHN
Left me?
When--where--how long?
LUCY
[_gathering courage_] Now--any place--entirely.
JOHN
[_bursts out laughing_] What suddenly put _this_ notion in your head?
LUCY
I'm sorry--John, but I've had it--oh, for years.
I never dared ask you till now.
JOHN
[_still glancing over paper_] Like to leave me, would you?...
You have no grounds for divorce, my dear.
LUCY
But _you_ will have--after I leave you.
JOHN
[_yawns_] You have no lover to leave with.
LUCY
[_daintily_] But couldn't I just desert you--without anything horrid?
JOHN
[_reads_] No money to desert with.
LUCY
[_springs up_--_at bay_] You won't let me escape decently when I tell you I don't want to stay?
When I tell you I can't stand being under your roof any longer?
When I tell you I'm sick of this life?
JOHN
[_gets up calmly_] But, you see, I can stand it.
I want you to stay.
I'm not sick of it.
You belong to me.
LUCY
[_shrinking away as he approaches_] Don't touch me!
Every time you come near me I have to nerve myself to stand it.
JOHN
What's got into you?
Don't I give you everything money can buy?
My God, if I only gave you something to worry about; if I ran after other women like old man Baker---- LUCY
If you only would!
--Then you'd let _me_ alone.
To me you are repulsive.
JOHN
[_taking hold of her_] Lucy!
You are my wife.
LUCY
[_looking him straight in the eye_] But you don't respect me, and I--I hate you--oh, how I hate you!
JOHN
[_holds her fast_] I am your husband, your lawful husband.
LUCY
[_stops struggling_] Yes, this is lawful--but, oh, what laws you men have made for women!
[_The JUDGE comes out, carrying a telegram.
_ JUDGE
Rather early in the day for conjugal embraces, if you should ask me.
[_JOHN and LUCY separate.
_] Makes me quite sentimental and homesick.
[_JUDGE raises telegram and kisses it.
_ LUCY
[_calming herself_] From Aunt Julia again?
Do you get telegrams every day from Reno?
JUDGE
No, but she caught cold.
Went to the theatre last night and caught a cold.
So she wired me--naturally; got the habit of telling me her troubles, can't break it, even in Reno.
JOHN
I thought she hated the theatre!
JUDGE
So she does, but I'm fond of it; she went for my sake.
She's got the habit of sacrificing herself for me.
Just as hard to break good habits as bad.
JOHN
True women enjoy sacrificing themselves.
JUDGE
Yes, that's what we tell them.
Well, we ought to know.
We make 'em do it.
[_Brings out a fountain pen and sits abruptly.
_] That's what I'll tell her.
I can hear her laugh.
You know her laugh.
LUCY
[_rings for a servant_] A telegraph blank?
JUDGE
[_with a humorous expression he brings a whole pad of telegraph blanks out of another pocket_] Carry them with me nowadays.
[_Begins to write.
_] Wish I hadn't sold my Western Union, John.
JOHN
I don't believe you want that divorce very much.
JUDGE
It doesn't matter what _I_ want--what she wants is the point.
You must give the woman you marry tutti-frutti, divorces--everything....
Why, I've got the habit myself, and God knows I don't enjoy sacrifice--I'm a man!
The superior sex!
JOHN
I don't believe you appreciate that wife of yours.
JUDGE
[_between the words he's writing_] Don't I?
It isn't every wife that'd travel away out to Reno--you know how she hates travelling--and go to a theatre--and catch a cold--and get a divorce--all for the sake of an uncongenial husband.
[_Suddenly getting an idea, strikes table.
_] I know what gave her a cold.
She raised all the windows in her bedroom--for _my_ sake!
--I always kept them down for _her_ sake.
I'll have to scold her.
[_Bends to his writing again.
_] Poor little thing!
She doesn't know how to take care of herself without me.
I doubt if she ever will.
[_Looks over telegram.
A SERVANT comes, takes telegram, and goes.
