Piccadilly A Fragment of Contemporary Biography — 12 - Conclusion

MORAL.

PICCADILLY, _July 15_.

It will be seen by the date at which I am writing this, that I have been compelled to increase the pace I have been keeping up during the season.

The fact is, my episode, like those of my neighbours, seems likely to be prematurely concluded by the course of political events, which will no doubt act prejudicially this year upon the happiness of many interesting members of society.

Towards the close of the London season it is only natural that everything should culminate; but generally the actors in the scenes of real life so calculate that the curtain falls just at the right moment; or rather, that they shall be doing just the right thing when the curtain falls.

The artists insensibly group themselves for the _grand tableau_.

All over the stage episodes are occurring, any one of which taken separately would make a good sensation finale.

There are wily mothers and desperate daughters throwing with unerring aim their nets over youths who have become reckless or imbecile.

And there are unprincipled poachers setting snares for the pretty game they hope to destroy.

Look at the poor victims, both male and female, trying to get disentangled.

What a rush, and shuffle, and conflict of feelings and affections it is!

The hearts that for the first time feel they have been touched as the moment of separation draws near; the "histories" which in all future time will form the most marked page in his or her life, and which have begun and ended in the season; the intimacies that have been formed, and which are to last for ever; those that have been broken; the fatal friendships which have been cemented this year, and the disastrous results of which, suspected on neither side, we shall read of in the newspapers years to come.

What a curious picture would be the mind of London society if we could photograph it in February, and how strangely different would it be from a photograph of the same subject taken in July, more especially when, as now, the elections throw everything into confusion; and little Haultort gets so bewildered, that he encloses, by mistake, his address to his constituents to Wild Harrie, instead of his proposal to her, which he has forwarded to his local attorney for publication in the Liberal organ of that borough which is honoured by possessing him as a representative!

In these days when good taste requires that our affections should be as shallow as our convictions, we are puzzled, at a crisis like this, to know which we love most, our seats or our mistresses.

There is a general disposition on the part of the lavender-gloved tribe to resent the extra wear and tear of mind suddenly imposed upon them this hot weather.

Why should they unexpectedly be called away from the corners devoted to _tete-a-tetes_, to stand on hotel balconies, and stammer, in unintelligible language, their views upon Reform to crowds of free and independent electors?

"For goodness' sake," says Larkington to Lady Veriphast, "give me some ideas; I've got to go and meet these wretched constituents of mine, and I had promised myself a much more agreeable occupation with you at Richmond.

Couldn't you get Veriphast to go down?

I should be delighted to retire in his favour; and with his abilities it is ridiculous his not being in Parliament."

"How absurdly you talk about my persuading Veriphast to do anything?

the only person, as you know, who has any influence over him is Mrs Loveton," responds her ladyship, with a sigh--arising from dyspepsia.

"I have hit it;" and for a moment Larkington looks animated.

"Squabbleton is close to the coast, and we will make a party, and I will take you all round in my yacht, the Lovetons and you and Veriphast;

we'll go and do the electioneering business together, and keep the yacht as a sort of _pied a terre_, or rather _pied a mer_;" and Larkington chuckled, partly at his joke, and partly at this brilliant solution of his dilemma.

And so, while all the world is trying to reconcile their pleasure with what they are pleased to term their duty, being always the duty they owe to themselves, my thoughts are diverted into a very different channel.

I

am beginning daily to feel, while in the world, that I am less of it.

Already I have cut myself off from the one great source of interest which Parliament afforded me, and I have not succeeded in my love as a compensation--that is why Larkington's arrangement to secure both seemed a sort of mockery of my misery.

For it was impossible to resist the occasional fits of depression which reduced my mind to the condition of white paper, and the world to that of a doll stuffed with sawdust.

I was suffering in this manner the day following the evening entertainment at Lady Broadhem's, which I have already described.

The interview which impended inspired me with vague terrors.

The night before I had looked forward to it with positive enjoyment.

There is no greater bore than to get up morally and physically unhinged, upon the very day that you expect an unusual strain upon your faculties.

The days it does not matter, you feel up to anything; but nature too often perversely deserts you at the most critical moment.

Now, upon the morning in question it was necessary as a preliminary measure for me to go into the City and acquire some information essential to the success of my interview with Lady Broadhem, but before starting I was anxious to gain a few particulars from Grandon, the knowledge of which would materially aid me in disentangling the complicated skein of our joint affairs.

I therefore looked in upon him for a moment _en passant_.

"I went to Lady Broadhem's last night, Grandon," I said, "and I have reasons for wishing to know whether you have had any communication with the family lately.

I think the time is coming when I shall be able to explain much of my conduct which I can well understand has perplexed and distressed you."

"It would be a relief to me to feel that there was no more mystery between us," he replied.

"You have certainly at last most effectually contradicted the report you were the means of originating, but the reparation was tardy, and should never have been rendered necessary.

However, there is no use in recurring to the past; but I am entitled to ask what your object is in making your present inquiries?"

"I am to see Lady Broadhem this afternoon," I said, "and I wish to be prepared on all points.

I heard something last night which may influence your future far more seriously than mine; and it is in fact in your interests, and not in my own, that I wish to be well informed."

"What do you want to know?"

"I want to know whether you have ever actually proposed to Lady Ursula, and, if so, what was the result?"

"Frank," said Grandon, "after what has passed you are pushing my confidence in you, and my friendship for you, to their utmost limits, in expecting me to answer you in this matter.

Still I cannot believe your motives to be unworthy, though they may be unintentionally perverted;

nor do I think that it is in your power to affect the position of affairs either for good or harm.

The fact is, then, that Lady Ursula does know precisely the state of my feelings towards her, and I feel that, though there may be insuperable obstacles to our union at present, she would never consent to yield to any pressure exercised by her mother in favour of another."

"In other words, the situation is unchanged, for I think I knew as much as that before.

Have you never spoken to Lady Broadhem directly on the subject?"

"No," said Grandon--"never."

"I think," said I, "the time is coming when you will be able to do so with advantage.

I cannot tell you more now, but this afternoon I shall hope to retrieve myself in your estimation by being the bearer of some good news.

By the way, what are you going to do about your election?

--they say your prospects are getting cloudy."

"Say rather utterly obscured," he replied.

"You know the borough I sit for is in Lord Scilly's pocket, and he says I have not sufficiently stuck to my party.

They have never forgiven me for understanding the Schleswig-Holstein question; and Scilly has extracted a promise from his new nominee that he is never to inform himself upon any question of foreign politics.

The Government is so weak in this department that they are more afraid of their own _enfants terribles_ than they are of the Opposition, which is not saying much for the latter."

"Who is Scilly's new nominee?"

I asked.

"No less a person than our old friend Chundango," he replied.

"It seems Lady Broadhem put pressure upon his lordship in his favour, and he at last consented, though I suspect it was with a bad grace."

"Well, I don't think the Government need be afraid of Chundango on foreign policy, though he probably knows as much as the others."

It required no little effort to reach Bodwinkle's office at 10 A. M. I

found that great millionaire in a peculiarly amiable frame of mind.

Though two or three of his neighbours had been smashing around him, his superior foresight had enabled him to escape the calamities which had overtaken them; and he was sitting chuckling in that rather dingy alley, from the recesses of which he had dug his fortune, when I entered.

"Ah, Lord Frank," he said, affably; "come to give me some of your valuable advice and assistance in my election affairs, I feel sure.

Don't forget your promise about Stepton.

I have already given the necessary instructions about that matter of Lady Broadhem's; there is nothing going to be done about it for the present."

"It is just with reference to Lady Broadhem's affairs that I have come to consult you," I said.

"You have a pretty extensive Indian connection, I think?"

"Rather," said Bodwinkle, in a tone which meant to imply gigantic.

"Now I have reason to believe that her ladyship is interested in some Bombay houses, and I shall be able to throw some light upon her affairs which may be of use to us both, if you will give me the benefit of a little of that exclusive information with reference to cotton and those who are embarked in its trade which I know you possess."

Bodwinkle was loath at first to let me into those mysteries which he speedily revealed to me on my explaining more fully my reasons for requiring to know them, and I jumped into a hansom and drove off to Grosvenor Square, planning a little plot which I completed ere I arrived, and the construction of which had acted as beneficially upon my nerves as one of Lady Broadhem's own "pick-me-ups."

Drippings let me in, and his countenance wore an expression of anxious consciousness.

As he led the way up-stairs he whispered, "I trust, my lord, that under the circumstances your lordship will not betray me--my own livelihood, not to say that of my wife and little ones, depends upon my keeping this place; and I would not have mentioned what had come to my knowledge with respect to her ladyship if it had not been that, knowing the interest your lordship takes in the family, and more especially when I come to consider Lady Ursula----" "Hold your tongue," I interrupted, angrily.

"If you wish me to reduce you and your family to beggary, dare to open your lips to me again unless you're spoken to."

I felt savage with him for ruffling my temper at the moment when I desired to have my faculties completely under control; and as my readers will have perceived, though my intentions are always excellent, my course is occasionally, under any unusual strain, erratic.

I never saw Lady Broadhem looking better.

One or two wrinkles were positively missing altogether, and an expression of cheerful benevolence seemed to play about the corners of her mouth.

She greeted me with an _empressement_ totally at variance with the terms on which we had parted upon the previous evening.

I must say that, when Lady Broadhem chooses, there is nobody of my acquaintance whose manner is more attractive, and whose conversation is more agreeable.

She had been a _belle_ in her day, and had achieved some renown among the "wholly-worldlies" when she first married the late lord.

Her "history," connected chiefly with another lord of that period, is not yet altogether forgotten.

The end of it was, that the world looked coldly upon her ladyship for a few seasons, and she scrambled with some difficulty into the society of the "worldly-holies," among whom she has ever since remained.

There are occasions when a certain amount of coquetry of manner betrays the existence of some of those "devil's leavings" which she is still engaged in sacrificing.

Had it not been for the information I had derived from Drippings, her cordial reception and unembarrassed manner would have puzzled me.

As it was, I felt assured by the indications they furnished, that the butler had told me the truth.

"My dear Lady Broadhem," I said, with enthusiasm, "how well you are looking!

I am sure you must have some charming news to tell me.

Is some near and wealthy relation dead, or what?"

"For shame, Frank!

what a satirical creature you are!

Do you know I only discovered lately that irony was your strong point?

I am positively beginning to be afraid of you."

"Come now," I said, "own frankly, what you have to tell me to-day makes you feel more afraid of me than you ever did before."

Lady Broadhem blushed--yes, actually blushed.

It was not the flush of anger which I had often seen dye her cheeks, or of shame, which I never did; but it was a blush of maiden consciousness, if I may so express it, though it is occasionally to be observed in widows.

It mounted slowly and suffused her whole neck and face, even unto the roots of her hair;

it was a blush of that kind which I have seen technically described by a German philosopher as a "rhythm of exquisite sweetness."

The effect of this hardened old lady indulging in a rhythm of this description struck me as so ludicrous that I was compelled to resort to my pocket-handkerchief and pretend to sneeze behind it.

At the same moment Lady Broadhem resorted to hers, and applied it with equal sincerity to her eyes.

"Dear Frank," she said, and sobbed.

"Dear Lady Broadhem," I responded, and nearly choked with suppressed laughter, for I knew what was coming.

"All my money difficulties are at an end at last, and if I am affected, it is that I feel I am not worthy of the happiness that is in store for me," and she lifted up her eyes, in which real tears were actually glistening, and said, "What have I done to deserve it?"

"Well, really," I replied, "if you ask me that question honestly, I must wait till I know what 'it' is; perhaps you would have been better without--'it.'

" "I assure you, Frank, one of the uppermost feelings in my mind is that of relief.

I fully appreciate the warm-hearted generosity which has prompted you to take so much interest in my affairs; but when it was all over between you and Ursula, my conscience would not allow me to let you make pecuniary sacrifices on so large a scale for my sake.

When Broadhem told me that you had determined to persevere in your munificence, notwithstanding Ursula's most inexplicable conduct, I made up my mind at once to adopt a course which, I am happy to say, not merely my sense of propriety but my feelings told me was the right one.

I must therefore relieve you from all further anxiety about my business matters.

You have, I think, still got some papers of mine, which you may return to me; and I will see that my solicitor not only releases you from any engagements which you may have entered into for me, but will repay those sums which you have so kindly advanced on my account already."

There was a tone of triumph pervading this speech which clearly meant, "Now we are quits.

I don't forget the time when you drank my 'pick-me-up' first, and biologised me afterwards.

And this is my revenge."

I must say I looked at Lady Broadhem with a certain feeling of admiration.

She was a woman made up of "forces."

Last night passionate and intemperate under the influence of the society she had called round her: to-day calm and wily, using her advantages of situation with a judgment and a moderation worthy of a great strategist.

She is only arrogant and insolent in the hour of disaster; but she can conquer magnanimously.

I assumed an air of the deepest regret and disappointment.

"Of course, Lady Broadhem, any change in your circumstances which makes you independent, even of your friends, must be agreeable to you; but I cannot say how deeply disappointed I feel that my labour of love is over, and that I shall no longer have the pleasure of spending my resources in a cause so precious to me."

The last words almost stuck in my throat; but I wanted to overdo it, to see the effect.

"My dear Frank," she said, laughing, and her eyes would have twinkled had they not become too watery from age, "I shall never make you out; I am so stupid at reading character, and I suppose so dull altogether, that sometimes I am not sure when you're joking and when you are in earnest.

Now I want you seriously to answer me truly one question, not as people of the world, you know, making pledges to each other, but as old friends, as we are, who may dispense with mystery."

She held out her hand with an air of charming candour.

"Tell me," she said, as she pressed mine,--"tell me honestly, what could possibly have been your motive in being prepared to go on sacrificing your fortune for me when you had no chance of Ursula?"

"Tell me honestly, Lady Broadhem," I said, and pressed her hand in return, "how you are going to render yourself independent of my assistance hence-forward, and I will tell you the motives which have actuated me in proffering it."

"It is only just settled, and I have not even told it yet either to Broadhem or my daughters.

I am quite prepared for the sensation it will make when it is known, and the ill-natured things people will say of me;

but my mind is made up, and we are told to expect persecution.

I am going to be married to Mr Chundango!"

Lady Broadhem evidently expected to stun me with this announcement, but as I had already been prepared for it by Drippings on the occasion of our first private interview, which the reader will remember, I received it with perfect equanimity.

"I had no conception," her ladyship went on, "of the sterling worth and noble character of that man until I had an opportunity of observing it closely.

The munificence of his liberality, and the good uses to which he applies his enormous wealth, the cultivation of his mind, the excellence of his principles, and the perfect harmony of feeling upon religious subjects which exists between us, all convince me that I shall best consult my own happiness and the interests of my dear children by uniting my fate to his.

I suppose you know Lord Scilly is going to put him into Parliament for the Scilly boroughs instead of Lord Grandon?"

"No one could congratulate you more sincerely than I do, Lady Broadhem," I said.

"I can conceive no greater happiness than an alliance in which that perfect harmony of thought and feeling you describe reigns paramount; and now it is my turn to tell you why I have acted the part which seems so incomprehensible to you.

Grandon is, as you know, my dearest friend, but he is poor.

Ursula cares for him more, if possible, than I do.

And I need not tell you that my own attachment to your daughter is the strongest sentiment of my nature.

Now, I determined to prove the depth of my affection for these two people by making them both happy, and when all my arrangements were completed I intended to make a final stipulation with you, that you should give your consent to their marriage, and that I should play the part of a bountiful prince in the Arabian Nights, and that we should all live happy ever after."

"A very pretty little plot indeed," said Lady Broadhem, with a sneer.

"You are too good and disinterested for this planet, Frank.

So you thought you could coerce me into giving my consent to a marriage I never have approved, and never shall?"

"Don't be too sure of that," I said, and I allowed the faintest tinge of insolence to appear in my manner, for the sentiments and the sneer that accompanied it both irritated me, and I felt that we were morally drawing our revolvers, and looking at the caps.

"Why not?

What do you mean?"

she said, sharply.

"Who do you suppose is to dictate to me upon such a subject?

Ursula will be very well off, and I shall take care that she marries suitably."

"I don't know where she is to get her money from," I said, calmly.

"You need give yourself no anxiety about her for the future, I assure you.

Mr Chundango has been most liberal in his arrangements about both my girls."

"But, unfortunately, it is not in Mr Chundango's power to make any such arrangements," I retorted.

"I am sure nothing will alter your feelings towards a man you really love, and that your own personal conduct will not be influenced by the fact that Mr Chundango is a beggar.

You could go back to India with him, you know, and make a home for him in a bungalow in the Bombay Ghauts."

Lady Broadhem's face had become rigid and stony; so had my whole nature.

I did not feel a particle of compassion or of triumph.

I was cold, hard, and judicial.

Her hour was come, and I had to pass the sentence.

"Yes," I said, "there is no doubt about it.

I got it from Bodwinkle this moment.

The Bombay mail arrived last night, and you know the way everything has been crashing there through speculations in Back Bay shares, cotton, &c. Well, the great Parsee house of Burstupjee Cockabhoy has come down with a grand crash, and all our friend Chundango's jewels in the back verandah, added to everything else he possesses in the world, will fail to meet his liabilities.

Terrible thing, isn't it?

but we must bear up, you know."

But Lady Broadhem had done bearing up some time ago, and had sunk gently back on the couch, in a dead faint.

As there was not the slightest sham about it, I rang the bell for Jenkins, and felt under the pillow for the "pick-me-up," which I failed to make her swallow; so I slapped the soles of her feet with her shoes, till her maid arrived, followed by Drippings, who, I suspect, had spent some portion of his time in the neighbourhood of the keyhole.

"I will go and look for Lady Ursula," I said; "where shall I find her?"