Piccadilly A Fragment of Contemporary Biography — 09 - Part Vb: The Flesh

I don't frequent balls now, but I went to Bodwinkle's for a variety of reasons.

One was, that I knew I should see everybody, and have an opportunity of informing the public correctly about my own affairs.

Another, that I should be able to talk over some business matters with Bodwinkle, at a moment when he might possibly be more pliant than I usually found him in the City.

Every soul was at Bodwinkle's--coroneted carriages filled the square; a crowd of draggled men and women formed a line six or eight deep on each side of the awning, and between them fine ladies hurried across the pavement, encouraged and complimented by familiar linkmen, and very particular that the 'Morning Post' reporter, seated at a table in the hall, should take down their names accurately.

The stairs were so crowded that Bodwinkle, who looked like one of his own footmen, and stood at the top of them, facing his wife, was red and apoplectic from pressure.

His "lady," as I heard one of his City friends call her, had achieved the greatest object of her ambition in this life, which consisted in grinning vacantly, and curtsying perpetually to people she had never seen in her life before, and every one of whom despised her for entertaining them.

"Curious idea of the climax of earthly enjoyment," I remarked to Lady Veriphast, who was so tightly wedged between the banisters and a rather highly-scented ambassador from Central Asia, that she spoke with difficulty; "I suppose it must be a pleasure to be at the top of one's own ladder, like our hostess there, when so many are trying to climb it."

"Do _not_ philosophise in that ridiculous way; don't you see I am suffering agonies?"

said Lady Veriphast, in a tone of suppressed anguish.

"Pinch this horrid barbarian in front of me or I shall faint."

"Madam," I overheard a well-known voice say in a nasal tone close to me, "allow me to remark, that for a hand, arm, and wrist, I have not seen anything since I have been in England like that owned by your daughter Mary;" and Mr Wog complacently edged himself from the side of Lady Mundane to that of the daughter he had eulogised, and who audibly asked Scraper to get between her and that horrid man.

"Just what one deserves for coming to such a place," said Lady Mundane furiously, who, by the way, had repeatedly asked Wog to her own parties.

"I have often remarked, sir," said Mr Wog, who I think overheard this observation, turning to me, "that the ladies in your country allow quite a singular effect to be produced in their hair.

If you will cast your eye down the stair you will observe a young person on the landing, the parting of whose hair, for the space of one inch on either side, is black, while the two large bunches on her temples are red.

That, sir, is a phenomenon I have not remarked in my own country."

"Don't you know how it happens?"

said that spiteful old Lady Catchpole, whose eyes twinkled with malice as she explained to Mr Wog that, when the hair had been thoroughly dyed it could only recover its natural colour by this slow process, but that usually the effect was concealed by a _postiche_; and she looked hard at Lady Veriphast, whose hair was suspiciously _crepe_, and who wished it to be supposed that she blushed because she was still under the pressure of the Asiatic ambassador.

"What is the exact meaning of the term _postiche_?"

asked Mr Wog, who observed Lady Veriphast's confusion, and whose thirst for information seemed to increase with his powers of making himself disagreeable; "I guess it must mean some kind of wig."

"No," said Lady Catchpole; "anything false which is well made up we call a _postiche_; it need not be exactly a wig."

"Nor yet a Tory," interrupted Wog, with more readiness than I gave him credit for.

"I calculate you should call a Liberal Conservative a _postiche_.

It seems to me the most popular political platform in this country at your next elections is going to be _postiche_."

"Look, my dear," said Lady Pimlico to Lady Mundane, "there are the two Frenchwomen," and she directed universal attention to the last importations from the Continent, Madame la Princesse de Biaisee a la Queue, and La Baronne de Colte, whose fame had preceded them from Paris, and who created such a sensation that the general hum on the stairs increased, and the whole society collected there audibly criticised the new-comers.

"Why, positively the tall one has got her hair done _en papillon_--I thought it had gone out--I suppose her face won't bear being _coiffe a la grecque_; and the other is outrageously painted."

This remark was made so loud that both ladies looked up, but failed to check the running fire of comments which their dress and appearance suggested.

"They say the Princess makes up for her want of looks by her legs," drawled out Larkington to Lady Veriphast; "but I am afraid we shall not have an opportunity of seeing them to-night, it is so crowded."

"They are not worth looking at; I saw them at a fancy ball in Paris," said Lady Veriphast, "and I assure you you would be disappointed.

By the way, have you the least notion who the Bodwinkles are?"

"Not I," replied Larkington.

"I did not come here to make their acquaintance, nor I hope did you."

I think Mrs Bodwinkle heard the speech--for it is customary in good society to make remarks about one's neighbours in rather a loud tone--as she coloured a little when she was pointed out to Larkington by the fat butler as the person to whom he was expected to bow.

Poor woman!

she probably thought he would be embarrassed when he found out his proximity; but Larkington is above any such weakness, and sauntered on after Lady Veriphast, with whom he has _affiched_ himself for the last few weeks, to the great comfort of Veriphast, who has long been desirous of making his wife share the scandal which has attached to his name for some time past.

"And it is for this, my dear Mrs Bodwinkle," I thought, "that you have given up your villa at Clapham, and the friends that respectfully worshipped at the Bodwinkle shrine, who gazed upon you with reverend upturned eyes, instead of irreverent upturned noses, like the present company!

Do you think, when you have blazed for a moment and gone out like a blue-light, that you will know how to find your way in the dark back to Clapham, or that you will be able to collect your old congregation?

Will not new Bodwinkles have arisen above the suburban horizon, or will the departed glories of your rapid but bright passage across the firmament of fashion always secure you an audience who will gladly listen to your wonderful experiences in the great world, to whom you will recount the devotion manifested towards you by certain noblemen, and the slights you received at the hands of certain noblewomen, and who will stare when you describe the Broadhem-Spiffy combination which sent you up like a rocket, and the sudden collapse of that combination which will assuredly bring you down like a stick?

Never mind, Mrs B. ; whatever happens, nothing short of a fire can deprive you of the basket of fashionable cards which will be left upon you during the season, and which, carefully treasured with your dinner _menus_, will be a lasting evidence of the reality of that social triumph which might otherwise seem like the 'baseless fabric of a dream.'

" And this consideration reminds me that I possess middle-class readers, who may positively doubt the truth of the picture which I am endeavouring to give them of the society in which Mrs Bodwinkle now found herself.

They will not have the advantage of hearing from the lips of that good lady these wonderful traits of the manners and customs of this, to them, mysterious class.

And therefore they will fail to see any particular merit in what they may suppose to be merely a flippant delineation of a purely ideal state of society.

My dear readers, I should be no more competent to invent a state of society so eccentric in its habits and constitution as this of London cream, than I should be to write an account of lion-hunting like the late lamented Jules Gerard.

That was a real strain upon the imaginative and constructive faculties;

I aspire to no such talent, but simply contemplate hyperbolically a certain phase of contemporary civilisation.

If, by way of a little pastime, I put Mayfair into a fancy dress, it only appears in its true colours and becomes fancy-fair, with a great deal of show and very little substance; so I dress it up as it pleases me, but I invent nothing.

I confine myself strictly to the stage properties.

You in the pit or gallery may be too far off to see, but I assure you I have avoided anything beyond the exaggeration permissible in a caricature.

As I know your imitative faculties, dear middle classes, I can conscientiously assure you that you may take 'Piccadilly' as a guide upon which to frame your own society.

Take the most successful costermonger of the neighbourhood and erect him into a Bodwinkle, and fall down upon your knees before the most opulent pawnbroker of your parish; and you will feel that you are only performing, on a humble scale, the same act of worship as those above you.

Lady Jane Helter, followed by Wild Harrie, came up while I was thus musing.

"So, Lord Frank," she said, "you are not to be congratulated after all?

I suppose you heard of our dinner at the Whitechapels'?

We all thought your conduct very incomprehensible.

I assure you Lady Broadhem seemed as much in the dark as the rest of us."

"And you want to be enlightened?"

said I. "Well, it has been a social _canard_ throughout, which I did not at first think worth contradicting.

There must be a certain number every season."

"I am sure we want them more than ever now," said Wild Harrie.

"Was there ever such an utterly flat season?

I only went to two balls last week, and, as they say at 'the corner,' 'there was positively nothing doing.'

" "It is not the same in every corner," said I; "look opposite," and I pointed out Larkington and Lady Veriphast snugly ensconced in a recess.

"Poor Amy!

I am afraid that won't suit her book," said Wild Harrie.

"She is really devoted to Lord Larkington.

I told her to hedge, but she says she has too much heart.

By the way, I want to have a little private conversation with you.

Take me to have a cup of tea, or a quadrille, or something"--this in rather a low tone, not for Lady Jane's benefit; and we sidled off through the throng, leaving Lady Jane at the doorway, which, in the absence of her ladyship, does duty as chaperon.

"Do you know, Lord Frank," said my companion, "that it really was very kind of you to get me the invitation you did, and that I can appreciate kindness; can you guess how?"

"By asking me to do something else for you," I said.

"Exactly," she said, laughing; "but this time it will not perhaps be quite so easy.

I want you to get me a card for Lady Broadhem's on Thursday week."

"For Lady Broadhem's!"

said I, astounded.

"How on earth did you come to hear of it?

Why, it is a meeting, not a party.

A few Christian friends are going to hear the Bishop of the Caribbee Islands describe the state of mission-work in his diocese.

You would be bored to death."

"Indeed I should not," said Wild Harrie.

"I have a brother in India; and I have heard so much about the heathen.

Besides, I want to make Lady Ursula's acquaintance."

"I really don't think," said I, a good deal puzzled, "that you will find it a very congenial atmosphere, but I am sure nobody can know Lady Ursula without deriving benefit, so I should feel too glad to be the means of making you acquainted; but Lady Jane will never take you."

"Oh, mamma will; you know her brother was a clergyman.

Promise.

Don't forget--one for me and one for mamma.

Now I must leave you; I quite forgot I was engaged to little Haultort for this dance, and there he is hunting for me everywhere," and she dragged me to the spot where that young gentleman was stroking a fluffy mustache, with an imbecile air.

"Do you call that hunting?"

said I; "He must be in chase of ideas."

"Of course he is.

Now watch him catch big _idee fixe_," and she placed herself before him.

Poor youth!

how he coloured and stammered, as a ray of intelligence illumined his countenance!

"So that is the way you keep your engagements, Lord Haultort, is it?

Well, you have forfeited your dance"--the ray went out--"but you may take me back to Lady Jane."

The ray came back again; he was sufficiently experienced to know what that meant, and Lord Haultort disappeared into the next room with his _idee fixe_ on his arm, and I looked the other way half an hour after, when I passed the corresponding recess in which Larkington and Lady Veriphast were still sitting, and saw who were there.

"I wonder what that little girl wants to know the Broadhems for?"

I

ruminated, and for some time I was positively fool enough to continue to wonder.

"I tell you what it is, Goldtip," I overheard Bodwinkle say, "that idea of yours about giving presents is all humbug; we've got the people here, what do you want to give them presents for?"

"In the first place," retorted Spiffy, "they will never come again unless you keep faith with them now, for I have been giving it out specially that no expense was to be spared; and in the second place, as you have got all the presents made up in ribbons, &c. , what else are you to do with them?

The girls will be terribly disappointed."

Bodwinkle shook his head sulkily, and Spiffy, seeing me, adroitly turned the conversation.

"I was talking over the prospects of the approaching election, Frank, with Bodwinkle, and telling him how much you could assist us with your influence in Shuffleborough; it seems to me that he is likely to be turned out unless your brother-in-law, Sir John Stepton, will come to the rescue.

It would be well worth your while, Bodwinkle, to let Lady Broadhem's matter stand over until you have made sure of your seat," said Spiffy, looking significantly at me.

"Oh, certainly," said Bodwinkle, "if you will secure your brother-in-law's adhesion to our plans.

You will find me very amenable in that unfortunate affair of Lady Broadhem's. I know what an interest you take in it, and I am sure, for your sake, if not for hers--ahem," and Bodwinkle, quite unconscious that he was behaving like a scoundrel, smiled upon me blandly.

"It seems to me," said I, "that, considering what you owe to Lady Broadhem," and I looked round the crowded room, "you ought not to be too hard upon her."

"Ah, well, I must admit that her ladyship and our friend Goldtip here are doing their best to balance the account; but I have made it a principle through life never to be satisfied with anything short of my full money's worth; and I don't even feel now, if you make my election a certainty, that we shall be more than square."

"What are your other principles besides that of getting your full money's worth?"

said I, with a sneer, that was lost upon Bodwinkle.

"High Tory," he replied, promptly.

"None of your Liberal Conservatives for me this time--that did well enough last election."

"But Stepton is an absolute Radical," said I. "Exactly: that is why he is so important.

You see the fact is--here, Goldtip, explain our little game; it is all his idea, and he can put it better than me."

I knew from the bold defiant way in which Spiffy raised his eyes to mine that his original and unscrupulous genius had conceived a _coup d'etat_ of some kind, so I listened curiously.

"I am going to stand for Shuffleborough, and it is I who want Sir John Stepton's vote and influence," he announced, calmly.

"You!"

said I, amazed; "what are you going to stand as?

and who is going to pay your expenses?"

"I am going to stand as an extreme Liberal, and Bodwinkle as a regular old Tory.

He is going to pay my expenses.

We are going to strike out an entirely new line, and have convictions.

He can't come the Liberal Conservative this time, as one of the Liberals who is very popular has gone in rather extensively for the Moderate Conservatives.

So there is nothing for it but to come forward as an out-and-out Tory, and put me up as a Radical; by these means we hope to floor both the fellows that are trying the trimming game.

Of course I am not intended to come in--I only split the party."

"But if you stand, one of the others will retire.

Look at what has just happened at Westminster."

"Then Bodwinkle starts his wife's cousin Tom--why, he is rich enough to keep all three Liberals in the field to fight him if necessary; and you are pluck to the backbone, aint you, old fellow?"

and Spiffy slapped Bodwinkle on the back.

"Perhaps you would like to see our addresses," he went on,--"here they are; I wrote them both.

I shall issue mine first, and Bodwinkle's a day or two after."

"May I take them home to read?"

I asked.

"Oh, certainly, and frame your own on their model if you like," said Spiffy, laughing; "they'll be the neatest thing out in addresses, I assure you."

"Mr Goldtip, I wish you would exert yourself, instead of talking politics with Mr B. ," said Mrs Bodwinkle, coming up; "there are all sorts of things to arrange, and I am sure I don't know who is to take who down to supper;" and Spiffy was carried away upon special service.

"Good-night, Bodwinkle," said I; "your ball is a great success, but I am an early man, and hot rooms don't suit me.

I understand the political situation thoroughly now, and without pledging myself to anything, will see what is to be done."

"Of course, all in the most perfect confidence; it would never do for Stepton to suspect what we were at."

"Oh, it would be absolute ruin.

There is just one question I should like to ask, Can you give me your solemn word that in all this you have no other motive but the single one of being of use to your country?"

"Eh!"

said Bodwinkle, with his eyes rather wide open.

"I repeat," said I, slowly, "Is your only object in getting into Parliament that you may be of use to the country?

or is it that the country may be of use to you?"

"I must ask you one in return," said Bodwinkle: "Will it depend upon my answer whether or not you exert yourself in my favour?"

"Entirely," said I. "Then, my dear Lord Frank," said Bodwinkle, affectionately grasping my hand, "believe me, that so far as I am concerned, and I can say the same for Goldtip, our only single desire is to do that which England expects of every man at such a crisis,--our duty, entirely irrespective of all personal considerations."

I wrung Bodwinkle's hand warmly (I could have crushed every bone in it), and threw an expression of tender interest into my glance as I said, "I wonder, Bodwinkle, how many candidates are actuated by these lofty views in the coming election; but you must not let yourself be too much carried away by your Quixotic convictions.

Remember, my friend, what you owe to your party."

"I never forget it," said Bodwinkle, readily.

"I have four things to consider--my country, my party, my family, and my conscience.

I begin by asking my conscience what are the interests of my country.

My conscience replies promptly that my party should be in power.

I then ask my conscience what are the interests of my family, and my conscience invariably says the same thing.

I then ask my conscience whether it has any political views of its own, and my conscience responds that it is a mercantile conscience, which has always been absorbed in commerce, and that takes no interest in abstract politics; so that practically, you see, I have no difficulty, so far as my conscience is concerned."

"Wog is right," I mused as I walked home--"_postiche_ is everywhere.

We certainly do 'make up' well.

I suppose this country never looked more fair and flourishing in the eyes of the world in general than it does at this moment.

We have made a great _succes_ by means of _postiche_--there is no denying it.

But we shall fall to pieces all of a sudden like old Lady Pimlico; and the wrinkles will appear before long in the national cheeks in spite of the rouge.

Ah, the taunts we shall have to endure when the _postiche_ is discovered, from the rivals that have always been jealous and are still under the prestige of our former charms!

Then the kings of the earth with whom we have lived delicately will turn against us, for they will remember our greed and our pride and our egotism, in the days when we sold our virtue for gold, and our honour for a mess of pottage.

Is there no one who will cry aloud in the streets while there is yet time?

--will there not be one man in these coming elections who will have the courage to tell the people that their senses are so drugged by prosperity that they are blind to the impending doom, and that the only way to avert it will be by a policy diametrically opposed to that which has fascinated the nation for the last few years, because it has conducted them so pleasantly along those smooth and flowery paths that lead to destruction?

Be sure, oh my countrymen, that for you collectively, as well as individually, there is a broad and a narrow way, and that as surely as a nation ignores its duties towards God and its obligations towards its neighbours, so surely will a swift judgment overtake it!"

I was interrupted by a policeman at this point, who kindly called my attention to the fact that in my prophetic fervour I had myself been crying aloud in the streets, and accompanying my denunciations with appropriate action.

"I will throw off a few of these ideas for the benefit of my constituents, while the sacred fire is still upon me," thought I, as I stood at my bay-window, and watched the grey dawn of the June morning breaking over Green Park.

Sleep at such a moment is impossible, and I pulled the addresses of Spiffy and Bodwinkle from my pocket.

"Gentlemen," says Spiffy to the independent electors of Shuffleborough, "in soliciting the favour of your suffrages at the approaching general election, I am aware that I labour under the disadvantage of coming before you as an untried man, but I ask you all the more confidently on this account to substitute me for one who has been tried and found wanting.

Still more painfully conscious am I of the fact that I am open to the charge of causing a fatal split in that Liberal party to which I have the honour to belong.

Gentlemen, I regret to say that in some instances the members of that party have not been true to the principles which they profess, and have issued addresses almost identical in the terms they employ and in the measures they advocate with those of the Liberal Conservative party.

It is no satisfaction to me to be told that there are as many false Conservatives as there are false Liberals.

As a friend of the people I am opposed to all compromises, and will unflinchingly expose treachery in the camp.

You will find that my political views are clear and decided.

"Though a member of the Church of England, I am in favour of the total abolition of Church-rates, as I believe that you will spiritualise the Church precisely in proportion as you starve it.

"I am in favour of an extension of the franchise to such an extent as will comprise all the working-classes, and thus pave the way to that universal suffrage in which I myself shall be included, and for the first time enjoy the privilege of voting.

"Should I fail to be returned as your member upon this occasion, I shall be in favour of a redistribution of seats.

"I believe that an era of universal peace is dawning upon the world, and I am therefore an advocate of the total suppression of our armaments both by sea and land.

"T think that the Christian spirit displayed in our foreign policy which has induced us to court national insult for the purpose of setting an example of forbearance, and which has enabled us humbly but surely to extend our commercial relations, has procured for us the highest moral position which has ever yet been accorded to a people.

To increase the wealth of the nation and to foster its Christian spirit, will be recognised by me as a primary duty, if I am honoured with the high trust of being your representative in the Commons House of Parliament."

Now comes Bodwinkle's address, written by the versatile author of the last:-- "GENTLEMEN,--The appearance of a third candidate in the Liberal interest within the last few days induces me to break the silence which I have up to this time preserved.

I have observed with pain that in many instances the addresses issued by gentlemen calling themselves Liberal Conservatives or Conservative Reformers, are of the most subversive tendency, and entirely opposed to the spirit of that old and enlightened party to which I have the honour to belong.

I repudiate, therefore, entirely that temporising language which a large number of candidates calling themselves Conservatives hold, and which it has suited one of my opponents, who calls himself a Liberal, to adopt.

I believe I shall best recommend myself to this constituency by an honest and unswerving advocacy of those views which the Tory party of this country have invariably maintained.

More fondly attached, if possible, to the Church of England than I was upon the occasion when I last addressed you, I am more than ever convinced that money is the only thing that keeps it going.

I am therefore entirely opposed to the abolition of those rates which form the foundation of that pillar upon which the State has been accustomed securely to repose.

"I am opposed to the enfranchisement of the working man, as, in the probable event of a combination between the labouring classes and the aristocracy, that middle class to which I have the honour to belong would cease to direct the destinies of the country.

Any lateral measure of reform, unattended, however, by a vertical movement, which should exclude this possibility, will have my entire concurrence.

"I am in favour of a measure which shall largely increase the armaments of the country, and at the same time reduce the cost of their maintenance.

"I have profound confidence in the policy of the great Conservative party in their relations with foreign nations.

The fact that they have hitherto declined to define what that policy is, renders it impossible for me to enter more fully into this subject at present.

"In a word, should you do me the honour to return me as your member, you will find me Liberal only in my views as to the modes in which money may be acquired, and Conservative always when there is a question of expenditure."

It is a grand idea but a great experiment this of having convictions, which Spiffy has just started, thought I. I have been cursed with them all my life, but never could turn them to account.

Now in this case, for instance, he is using convictions--_postiche_ convictions certainly--to get Bodwinkle into Parliament; the result of my convictions is, that if I express them they will turn me out.

A prophet is without honour in his own country, more especially when the whole constituency has become sceptical and apathetic.

I shall issue an address to the free and independent electors of Dunderhead.

And under the inspiration of the moment I wrote as follows:-- "PICCADILLY, _June 20, 1865_.

"GENTLEMEN,--In announcing my intention not to solicit your suffrages at the approaching general election, I feel that it is due to you that I should state the reason why I do not again seek the high honour which you have upon two previous occasions conferred upon me, of representing you in Parliament.

The prosperity of the country is now so great that I feel it has no further need of my services.

In default of any great question of national importance, the rival political parties are reduced to the lamentable predicament of having nothing to fight for except office.

As I have never taken the slightest interest in the fortunes of either party, except as embodying or representing the triumph of certain principles, the disappearance of those principles, and the difficulty of distinguishing by their expressed opinions between one party and the other, renders it quite impossible for me to follow the example of the candidates on both sides, and to stand upon--nothing!

Gentlemen, I have no doubt that before very long something will turn up for me to stand upon.

I will wait till then.

Meantime, I feel that to profess any decided convictions upon matters either of home or foreign politics at this juncture would be considered in bad taste, if not impertinent, and I shall therefore reserve whatever I have to say for a future occasion, when the exigencies of the country may render it absolutely necessary that some individual in it should have an opinion."

There, I don't think I need say anything more.

I meant to have written these Dunderheadians something that would have made them remember me after I was gone; but I am getting sleepy, and they would not have understood it.

I will give L1000 to be applied to the wants of the municipality instead.

"In conclusion," I went on, "I beg to offer a tribute to the only article of political faith in which you still believe, and to place L1000 at the disposal of the mayor and corporation, which, in addition to the money spent in the contest that my retirement will render inevitable, will, I trust, not only be of substantial service to the borough, but secure my re-election upon any future occasion.

"FRANK VANECOURT."

Good-night, Dunderheadians.

If in spite of this you send me a requisition to stand again, I will decline on a ground simple enough even for your comprehension--It is too hot!

It was no business of mine, after the explanation which I had had with Lady Ursula upon the subject of our rumoured engagement, to revert to the topic with any of her family.

If Lady Broadhem was dissatisfied with the position of affairs, I supposed that I should hear of it quite soon enough; my only anxiety was about Ursula herself.

I trembled for her domestic peace and comfort.

Broadhem's few words about his sister's happiness under the altered circumstances were very significant, and I determined therefore to get her ladyship as much in my power as possible, by exercising to its utmost extent the right which I had wrung from her of a full control over her pecuniary affairs.

If my wealth did not enable me to purchase my own happiness, it should at least enable me to secure the happiness of her whom I loved best in the world.

I had never wavered in my resolution somehow or other to effect this great end, but my plans must of necessity undergo some change now that Lady Broadhem's eyes were opened to the real state of the case.

I was much puzzled what to do about Grandon.

Sometimes I felt a yearning to take him fully into my confidence and consult with him upon that delicate topic which touched us both so nearly; but though he was kind and considerate as ever, there was a constraint about our intercourse of which we were both painfully conscious.

We avoided all allusion to the Broadhems, and he never called in Grosvenor Square, nor, so far as I know, had met Lady Ursula since the memorable dinner which had terminated so disagreeably for us all.

Under the circumstances, I had also thought the wisest, and for many reasons the most proper, course for me was, to abstain from going there until I should hear from Lady Broadhem; and although I was anxious to consult her upon many business matters, I preferred letting them remain in abeyance to courting an interview which I dreaded.

At last I began to think Lady Broadhem's silence rather ominous.

I felt that a thunder-cloud had been gathering for some time past, and that the sooner it burst the better.

I

occasionally found myself walking past the door of the house, and wondering what was going on inside it.

I felt that there would be something undignified about pumping Broadhem, and yet every time I met him I experienced an irresistible desire to do so.

At last one day he volunteered a remark, from which I gathered that he was as anxious for information as I was.

"Have you seen my mother lately?"

he began.

"Not for weeks."

"Do you know she is carrying on a lot of things just the same as ever?"

"I don't think that possible," I said; "she could do nothing without my knowledge."

"She is, though," said Broadhem; "I can't quite make out what is going on, because, you know, she never condescends to discuss her affairs with any of us; but I feel certain there is some new scheme afloat."

"Is she kind to your sister?"

I asked.

"She is neither kind nor unkind: she is very little at home, and seems to have lost all interest in her own family.

She wants us to believe that it is the heathen; but I must say that she never used to neglect her daughters for them, and always said, what so many good people forget, that the first duty of a Christian woman was to attend to her own family.

I am getting very uneasy," said Broadhem, with a sigh; "I feel a presentiment that there is some sort of a crash coming; I wish you would go and see her."

"I did not intend going to her conversazione next week, but as she has sent me a card I suppose she wants to see me.

I will come and hear my friend Joseph Caribbee Islands hold forth.

By the way, I quite forgot I promised to ask Lady Broadhem for a card for Lady Wylde and her daughter; will you send one when you get home?

You don't know Miss Wylde, do you?"

"Yes," said Broadhem, and he coloured and looked away; "I have just met her, and that is all.

Did she ask you for the invitation?"

"What!

you have met her, and she did not tell you the interest she takes in missions?

I see you are half converted already.

Take care, Broadhem;

you are no great catch; but she does not, perhaps, exactly know that, and all is fish that comes to her net.

Nevertheless, don't forget to send her the invitation;" and I saw the flush of gratified vanity mount to the brow of Broadhem, and no longer wondered why Wild Harrie had expressed a wish to make Lady Ursula's acquaintance.

Poor Ursula!

what Broadhem had said about his mother's change of manner decided me not to neglect the opportunity which presented itself of going to her "meeting," and coming to a distinct understanding with Lady Broadhem upon the present position of affairs.

I had no doubt that that veteran campaigner had not been idle; and I was afraid, under the circumstances, that too much time had already been allowed her.

"Do you think Miss Wylde is going down to Ascot?"

asked Broadhem, who had maintained an embarrassed silence during this interval.

"She went down yesterday with the Helters; she stays the week with them at their cottage," I replied.

"I have never been to Ascot," he said, awkwardly--"in fact I never saw a race in my life.

I think a man, even though he does not approve of racing, ought to have seen it once--don't you?"

"Certainly," said I, "especially when you can see Wild Harrie at the same time."

"I say," said Broadhem, and he stopped short.

"Well?"

"I wish to goodness there was some way of going to Ascot without being seen.

I suppose one is sure to come across a lot of men one knows."

"Not if you go and stay with the clergyman of the parish," I said.

"I don't know him.

It is not for myself, but I don't think my mother would like my going."

"Then don't go."

"What an unsatisfactory fellow you are!

I shall go and talk over the matter with Ursula--she always helps me out of my difficulties."

"What does she know about Ascot?"

I asked.

"Oh, she does not know about Ascot, but somehow or other she always tells me what is the best thing to do about everything."

"I suppose, then, you tell her everything?"

"Almost," he said.

"Take my advice, and make a clean breast of it, my dear boy;" and I felt kindly towards him for the way he spoke about his sister.

"Depend upon it, no half confidences do in such a case.

Tell her that I shall come to you on Thursday of next week;" and I pressed his hand.

I had never cared about him for his own sake, but my heart warmed towards him for hers.

[Illustration] PART VI. THE "----."