Headlong Hall (dramatic reading) — Chapter 15

CHAPTER XV

The Conclusion The squire and his select party of philosophers and dilettanti were again left in peaceful possession of Headlong Hall: and, as the former made a point of never losing a moment in the accomplishment of a favourite object, he did not suffer many days to elapse, before the spiritual metamorphosis of eight into four was effected by the clerical dexterity of the Reverend Doctor Gaster.

Immediately after the ceremony, the whole party dispersed, the squire having first extracted from every one of his chosen guests a positive promise to re-assemble in August, when they would be better enabled, in its most appropriate season, to form a correct judgment of Cambrian hospitality.

Mr Jenkison shook hands at parting with his two brother philosophers.

"According to your respective systems," said he, "I ought to congratulate _you_ on a change for the better, which I do most cordially: and to condole with _you_ on a change for the worse, though, when I consider whom you have chosen, I should violate every principle of probability in doing so."

"You will do well," said Mr Foster, "to follow our example.

The extensive circle of general philanthropy, which, in the present advanced stage of human nature, comprehends in its circumference the destinies of the whole species, originated, and still proceeds, from that narrower circle of domestic affection, which first set limits to the empire of selfishness, and, by purifying the passions and enlarging the affections of mankind, has given to the views of benevolence an increasing and illimitable expansion, which will finally diffuse happiness and peace over the whole surface of the world."

"The affection," said Mr Escot, "of two congenial spirits, united not by legal bondage and superstitious imposture, but by mutual confidence and reciprocal virtues, is the only counterbalancing consolation in this scene of mischief and misery.

But how rarely is this the case according to the present system of marriage!

So far from being a central point of expansion to the great circle of universal benevolence, it serves only to concentrate the feelings of natural sympathy in the reflected selfishness of family interest, and to substitute for the _humani nihil alienum puto_ of youthful philanthropy, the _charity begins at home_ of maturer years.

And what accession of individual happiness is acquired by this oblivion of the general good?

Luxury, despotism, and avarice have so seized and entangled nine hundred and ninety-nine out of every thousand of the human race, that the matrimonial compact, which ought to be the most easy, the most free, and the most simple of all engagements, is become the most slavish and complicated,--a mere question of finance,--a system of bargain, and barter, and commerce, and trick, and chicanery, and dissimulation, and fraud.

Is there one instance in ten thousand, in which the buds of first affection are not most cruelly and hopelessly blasted, by avarice, or ambition, or arbitrary power?

Females, condemned during the whole flower of their youth to a worse than monastic celibacy, irrevocably debarred from the hope to which their first affections pointed, will, at a certain period of life, as the natural delicacy of taste and feeling is gradually worn away by the attrition of society, become willing to take up with any coxcomb or scoundrel, whom that merciless and mercenary gang of cold-blooded slaves and assassins, called, in the ordinary prostitution of language _friends_, may agree in designating as a _prudent choice_.

Young men, on the other hand, are driven by the same vile superstitions from the company of the most amiable and modest of the opposite sex, to that of those miserable victims and outcasts of a world which dares to call itself virtuous, whom that very society whose pernicious institutions first caused their aberrations,--consigning them, without one tear of pity or one struggle of remorse, to penury, infamy, and disease,--condemns to bear the burden of its own atrocious absurdities!

Thus, the youth of one sex is consumed in slavery, disappointment, and spleen; that of the other, in frantic folly and selfish intemperance: till at length, on the necks of a couple so enfeebled, so perverted, so distempered both in body and soul, society throws the yoke of marriage: that yoke which, once rivetted on the necks of its victims, clings to them like the poisoned garments of Nessus or Medea.

What can be expected from these ill-assorted yoke-fellows, but that, like two ill-tempered hounds, coupled by a tyrannical sportsman, they should drag on their indissoluble fetter, snarling and growling, and pulling in different directions?

What can be expected for their wretched offspring, but sickness and suffering, premature decrepitude, and untimely death?

In this, as in every other institution of civilised society, avarice, luxury, and disease constitute the TRIANGULAR HARMONY of the life of man.

Avarice conducts him to the abyss of toil and crime: luxury seizes on his ill-gotten spoil; and, while he revels in her enchantments, or groans beneath her tyranny, disease bursts upon him, and sweeps him from the earth."

"Your theory," said Mr Jenkison, "forms an admirable counterpoise to your example.

As far as I am attracted by the one, I am repelled by the other.

Thus, the scales of my philosophical balance remain eternally equiponderant, and I see no reason to say of either of them, OICHETAI EIS AIDAO[15.

1]."

NOTES

Chapter 1

[1. 1] Foster, quasi _Phostaer_,--from _phaos_ and _taereo_, lucem servo, conservo, observo, custodio,--one who watches over and guards the light; a sense in which the word is often used amongst us, when we speak of _fostering_ a flame.

[1. 2] Escot, quasi _es skoton_, _in tenebras_, scilicet, intuens; one who is always looking into the dark side of the question.

[1. 3] Jenkison: This name may be derived from _aien ex ison_, _semper ex aequalibus_--scilicet, mensuris omnia metiens: one who from equal measures divides and distributes all things: one who from equal measures can always produce arguments on both sides of a question, with so much nicety and exactness, as to keep the said question eternally pending, and the balance of the controversy perpetually in statu quo.

By an aphaeresis of the _a_, an elision of the second _e_, and an easy and natural mutation of _x_ into _k_, the derivation of this name proceeds according to the strictest principles of etymology: _aien ex ison--Ien ex ison--Ien ek ison--Ien 'k ison--Ienkison_--Ienkison--Jenkison.

[1. 4] Gaster: scilicet _Gastaer_--Venter, et praeterea nihil.

Chapter 2

[2. 1] See Emmerton on the Auricula.

Chapter 3

[3. 1] Mr Knight, in a note to the Landscape, having taken the liberty of laughing at a notable device of a celebrated _improver_, for giving greatness of character to a place, and showing an undivided extent of property, by placing the family arms on the neighbouring _milestones_, the improver retorted on him with a charge of misquotation, misrepresentation, and malice prepense.

Mr Knight, in the preface to the second edition of his poem, quotes the improver's words:--"The market-house, or other public edifice, or even a _mere stone with distances_, may bear the arms of the family:" and adds:--"By a _mere stone with distances_, the author of the Landscape certainly thought he meant a _milestone_; but, if he did not, any other interpretation which he may think more advantageous to himself shall readily be adopted, as it will equally answer the purpose of the quotation."

The improver, however, did not condescend to explain what he really meant by a _mere stone with distances_, though he strenuously maintained that he did _not_ mean a _milestone.

_ His idea, therefore, stands on record, invested with all the sublimity that obscurity can confer.

[3. 2] "Il est constant qu'elles se baisent de meilleur coeur, et se caressent avec plus de grace devant les hommes, fieres d'aiguiser impunement leur convoitise par l'image des faveurs qu'elles savent leur faire envier."

--Rousseau, _Emile_, liv.

5. Chapter 4

[4. 1] See Price on the Picturesque.

[4. 2] See Knight on Taste, and the Edinburgh Review, No. XIV.

[4. 3] Protracted banquets have been copious sources of evil.

Chapter 5

[5. 1] See Lord Monboddo's Ancient Metaphysics.

[5. 2] Drummond's Academical Questions.

[5. 3] Homer is proved to have been a lover of wine by the praises he bestows upon it.

[5. 4] A cup of wine at hand, to drink as inclination prompts.

Chapter 6

[6. 1] See Knight on Taste.

[6. 2] This stanza is imitated from Machiavelli's _Capitolo dell' Occasione_.

Chapter 7

[7. 1] Fragments of a demolished world.

[7. 2] Took's Diversions of Purley.

Chapter 8

[8. 1] Some readers will, perhaps, recollect the Archbishop of Prague, who also was an excellent sportsman, and who, Com' era scritto in certi suoi giornali, Ucciso avea con le sue proprie mani Un numero infinito d'animali: Cinquemila con quindici fagiani, Seimila lepri, ottantantre cignali, E per disgrazia, ancor _tredici cani_, &c. Chapter 9

[9. 1] Me miserable!

and thrice miserable!

and four times, and five times, and twelve times, and ten thousand times miserable!

[9. 2] Pronounced cooroo--the Welsh word for _ale.

_ Chapter 10

[10. 1] Long since dead.

[10. 2] Georg.

I.

199. [10. 3] Sat.

XIII.

28. [10. 4] Carm.

III.

6, 46. Chapter 11

[11. 1] Pistyll, in Welch, signifies a cataract, and Rhaidr a cascade.

[11. 2] Rabelais.

Chapter 13

[13. 1] Rousseau, Discours sur les Sciences.

[13. 2] Imitated from a passage in the Purgatorio of Dante.

Chapter 14

[14. 1] Jeremy Taylor.

Chapter 15

[15. 1] _It descends to the shades_: or, in other words, _it goes to the devil_.

TRANSCRIPTION NOTES

Source Form: printed book Title: Headlong Hall Author: Thomas Love Peacock Publisher: J. M.

Dent & Co. at Aldine House, 69 Great Eastern St. , London.

Date: 1891 Editor: Richard Garnett, LLD.

Printer: Turnbull and Spears, Printers, Edinburgh.

British Library Shelfmark: 012611. i.

37/1 Description: tan cloth over board binding, 122mm x 184mm x 21mm, 176 pages plus 2 at front and 1 at back Modifications Chapter head and foot decorations have been deleted -- to simplify production to purely text.

Decorative chapter-start drop-caps have been replaced with capitals -- to simplify production to purely text.

Page numbers and headers have been deleted -- the new document is unpaginated.

Fullstops have been deleted from chapter titles and song titles -- they are superfluous.

All notes have been moved to the end of the document -- to suit the unpaginated format.

All notes by the editor Richard Garnett have been deleted -- to remove (insubstantial) attachments to the original text.

Chapter 1 paragraph 7: inserted closing quotes after "perpetually in statu quo."

-- they appear to be missing, since the speech is not continued in the next paragraph.

Chapter 1 paragraph 8: deleted fullstop after "astronomy----" -- the sentence is truncated, it does not end.

Chapter 1 paragraph 9: deleted fullstop after "selfishness----" -- the sentence is truncated, it does not end.

Chapter 1 paragraph 10: deleted fullstop after "cloth----" -- the sentence is truncated, it does not end.

Chapter 1 paragraph 11: inserted a comma after "sprained ankle" -- there is a small comma-sized gap at the end of the line where a comma appears to have been omitted.

Chapter 2 paragraph 1: deleted comma after "oils" in "oils, and colours" -- "and" clusters things in an item, not separates items, in this list.

Chapter 4 paragraph 13: inserted closing quotes after "summit of Ararat."

-- they appear to be missing, since the speech is not continued in the next paragraph.

Chapter 5 paragraph 33: replaced emdash before "Exactly, sir: an' ye" with fullstop and space -- it appears to be an erroneous inconsistency, there being no other like instances in speech indication.

Chapter 7 paragraph 5: deleted closing quotes after "confracti mundi rudera:" -- the phrase is not quoted, and the speech does not end there.

Chapter 7 paragraph 6: replaced "procession" with "precession" in "The procession of the equinoxes" -- it appears to be a spelling error, since Mr Foster is informed on the subject and not tending to make such mistakes.

Chapter 7 paragraph 17: inserted "_Mr Escot.

_" at start of paragraph before "Nor is" -- to follow consistent indication and layout of speech.

Chapter 8 paragraph 1: replaced "befel" with "befell" -- it appears to be a spelling error.

Chapter 9 paragraph 16: replaced fullstop with questionmark after "the tevil with" -- the sentence is a question.

Chapter 9 paragraph 22: replaced fullstop with questionmark after "away with me" -- the sentence is a question.

Chapter 9 paragraph 23: replaced "b" with "p" in "by his chost" -- the sexton in all other cases says "py" instead of "by".

Chapter 10 paragraph 6: inserted single closing quote after "_Oioi nun brotoi eisin_" -- it appears to be missing.

Chapter 11 paragraph 3: replaced "y" in "Vouley" with "z" -- it appears to be a spelling error.

Chapter 12 paragraph 1: replaced "wolves" in "individual lion, tiger, wolves," with "wolf" -- it is a list of singulars.

Chapter 12 paragraph 9: inserted paragraph start and opening quotes before "You observe, in both these skulls" -- blockquotes cannot be inside paragraphs in the layout scheme.

Chapter 12 paragraph 13: inserted closing quotes after "becoming a judge."

-- they appear to be missing, since the speech is not continued in the next paragraph.

Chapter 13 paragraph 17: replaced "woful" with "woeful" in "by woful experience" -- it appears to be a spelling error.

Chapter 13 ballad: replaced "feats" with "feasts" in "O rich are the feats" -- it appears to be a spelling error.

Chapter 14 paragraph 3: replaced fullstop with questionmark after "Llewelyn Ap-Yorwerth" -- the sentence is a question.

Chapter 14 paragraph 5: inserted comma after "said the lady" -- one would be expected here.

Chapter 14 paragraph 27: capitalised "Squire" in ""Your daughter," said squire Headlong."

-- all other instances of "Squire Headlong" are capitalised.

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