Pride and Prejudice: A Play — Act Two
ACT II
_The Conservatory or Orangery at Netherfield.
On one side, an archway, approached by two or three steps and hung with curtains, separates the Orangery from the ball-room.
On the opposite side is a smaller archway with curtains, which are looped back, giving a glimpse of the drawing-room beyond.
There is another door on the right.
_ BINGLEY _is discovered directing two_ FOOTMEN, _who are putting a bench in place_.
DARCY _stands watching him_.
BINGLEY.
A little more to the right, Martin.
That will do.
Push those lights farther back--behind the trees.
Yes, that is better.
[_Looking about him.
_] I think that is all.
You may go.
[_The men leave the room.
_] Well, Darcy, do you approve of the arrangements?
Have you anything to suggest?
Any criticisms?
DARCY.
I have no criticisms for the arrangements.
BINGLEY.
[_Laughing.
_] But you have for the _ball_.
Yes, I know--still I was really obliged to keep my promise.
DARCY.
I am glad to find that a promise is with you an obligation.
BINGLEY.
Oh, come, Darcy!
I understand.
Set your mind at rest.
I am going to London with you, although I must say I do not see the necessity for it.
I think you are exaggerating the effect of any small attentions of mine toward Miss Bennet.
However, we will cling together, and fly a common danger.
DARCY.
[_Coldly.
_] Common danger?
BINGLEY.
[_Smiling.
_] Yes, common danger!
I, too, have eyes.
Where will you match the wit and vivacity of Miss Elizabeth Bennet?
DARCY.
[_Quietly.
_] She is indeed charming, and I admit that were it not for the inferiority of her connections, I might be in some danger.
[_Very coolly and confidently.
_] But they form, for me, an insurmountable barrier against any possible peril.
BINGLEY.
Love laughs at bars, Darcy!
[DARCY _looks annoyed_.
] No,--I won't!
It really is not fair, since it is my fault.
You would never have been put to this test if you hadn't been so good as to stay on here with me after that---- [_Stopping suddenly, and with an entire change from his former bantering tone, he says in a hesitating manner.
_] Darcy, do you really think you should be silent about Wickham?
DARCY.
[_Haughtily.
_] Decidedly!
I do not choose to lay my private affairs before the world.
BINGLEY.
But the fellow is sailing under false colours.
You do not know what the result may be.
I really must speak of this again, Darcy, even at the risk of offending you.
[DARCY _makes an impatient gesture_.
] I am truly concerned at the foothold this rascal has already gained in the Bennet family.
What he has failed to accomplish once he may succeed in again.
These young ladies have no brother to defend them.
DARCY.
Neither have they the wealth to excite Wickham's cupidity.
At any rate I do not wish to be the one to enlighten the neighbourhood.
Besides, I understand that he has left Meryton.
BINGLEY.
Even so--I---- [_He is interrupted by_ MISS BINGLEY, _who enters gaily from the drawing-room_.
] MISS BINGLEY.
Ah!
Here you are!
[_To_ DARCY.
] Will you be so kind?
[_She holds out her arm for him to clasp her bracelet.
_] Your sister Georgiana should be here, Mr. Darcy.
[_To her brother.
_] Charles, you should have insisted on her coming.
BINGLEY.
I am not in the habit of insisting with Darcy.
MISS BINGLEY.
[_Laughingly.
_] Very true.
[_To_ DARCY, _who has at length succeeded in fastening the bracelet_.
] Thank you.
[_Looking about her.
_] It is vastly pretty, Charles, but I am much mistaken if there are not some among us to whom a ball will be rather a punishment than a pleasure.
BINGLEY.
[_Laughing.
_] If you mean Darcy, he may go to bed, if he pleases, before it begins.
MISS BINGLEY.
But, Charles, it would certainly be more rational if conversation instead of dancing were made the order of the day.
BINGLEY.
Much more rational, my dear Caroline, but it would not be near so much like a ball.
MARTIN, THE FOOTMAN.
[_Entering, to_ BINGLEY.
] Several of the carriages have arrived, sir, and the guests will soon be entering the ball-room.
BINGLEY.
[_To the_ FOOTMAN.
] Very well.
[_To_ MISS BINGLEY.
] Come Caroline, we must be at our post.
We will leave Darcy to make up his mind whether he will join us later.
[BINGLEY _and his sister disappear through the archway leading to the ball-room_.
DARCY _does not follow them, but walks thoughtfully up and down the room.
The sound of a voice is heard announcing_.
] THE VOICE.
Mrs. Long--the Miss Longs.
[_A pause.
_] Colonel Forster and Mr. Denny.
[_A pause.
_] Mr. and Mrs. Goulding.
[_A pause.
_] Mrs. Bennet--the Miss Bennets.
[DARCY _stops in his walk and goes toward the ball-room archway--then he walks once more up and down_.
] Mrs. King--Miss King.
[DARCY _again moves toward the ball-room; he lifts the curtain, hesitates--looks in--then disappears_.
] Sir William and Lady Lucas--Miss Lucas--Mr. Robinson.
[_The music now begins, the stage is left empty.
After a short pause_, ELIZABETH _and_ CHARLOTTE _appear between the curtains of the ball-room archway_.
] CHARLOTTE.
[_Peeps in--then enters.
_] Isn't this pretty!
Come in here for a moment, Eliza.
I want to tell you something.
ELIZABETH.
[_Following her.
_] Why _did_ I promise to dance with Mr. Darcy just now!
Why did not I have more presence of mind!
[_They sit on the bench together while they talk; the guests, at the back, pass to and from the drawing-room and ball-room, and the sound of music is heard faintly.
_] CHARLOTTE.
I dare say you will find him very agreeable.
ELIZABETH.
Heaven forbid!
That would be the greatest misfortune of all.
To find a man agreeable whom one is determined to hate!
Do not wish me such an evil.
CHARLOTTE.
I wouldn't be a simpleton, Eliza.
You are angry because Wickham is not here, but I wouldn't allow my fancy for him to make me unpleasant in the eyes of a man of ten times his consequence.
ELIZABETH.
My _fancy_ for Wickham, as you choose to call it, is simply my sympathy for a most ill-used man: also the relief of meeting with good manners and a good understanding after the insufferable pride of Mr. Darcy, and the stupid pomposity of that _dreadful_ Mr. Collins!
[CHARLOTTE
_starts_.
] Oh, my dear Charlotte, I have never thanked you half enough for helping us to endure that man.
It was so good-natured in you to sacrifice yourself by listening to those interminable speeches of his.
--I am more obliged to you than I can express.
But oh, what a relief it is to know that he is really gone!
CHARLOTTE.
[_Who has listened to all this tirade in increasing embarrassment.
_] Oh, don't!
Don't, Eliza!
You are making it so terribly hard for me.
But,--but I must tell you.
--I am engaged to Mr. Collins!
[ELIZABETH _is stupefied with surprise and looks at_ CHARLOTTE _for a moment in silent and incredulous amazement.
Then with difficulty she speaks.
_] ELIZABETH.
Engaged!
Engaged to--to Mr. Collins!
Oh, my dear Charlotte--_impossible_!
[_Hopefully.
_] You are joking!
CHARLOTTE.
[_With spirit.
_] No, indeed, Eliza, I am in most serious earnest.
Why should you be so surprised?
Do you think it incredible that Mr. Collins should be able to procure _any_ woman's good opinion, because he was not so happy as to succeed with you?
ELIZABETH.
[_Confused.
_] Oh, no--no--of course not.
And,--and you must forgive all I have just said.
I couldn't possibly have imagined---- CHARLOTTE.
[_More sweetly.
_] No, Eliza, indeed you could not.
[_She puts her hand on_ ELIZABETH'S _shoulder_.
] And we shall be friends still?
ELIZABETH.
Why, of course, of course, dear Charlotte.
It was only the--the surprise.
You know how fond I am of you.
You know I wish you all imaginable happiness.
CHARLOTTE.
Yes, I am sure of it.
You must be surprised--very much surprised, so lately as Mr. Collins was wishing to marry you.
But, dear Eliza, when you have had time to think it all over, I hope you will be satisfied with what I have done.
I am not romantic.
I ask only a comfortable home, and, considering Mr. Collins' situation in life, I am convinced that my chance of happiness with him is as fair as most people can boast on entering the marriage state.
ELIZABETH.
[_In an absent manner.
_] Undoubtedly.
CHARLOTTE.
[_Looking at Elizabeth affectionately and wistfully.
_] And you will come to visit me sometimes?
I could not bear to lose you, Eliza!
ELIZABETH.
[_Looking up, and patting_ CHARLOTTE'S _hand_.
] Surely, Charlotte!
[_Smiling.
_] We are to be cousins, you know.
CHARLOTTE.
[_Cheerfully.
_] Why, so we are!
[COLONEL FORSTER _comes from the ball-room_.
LYDIA _and_ DENNY _enter from the drawing-room_.
] COLONEL FORSTER.
[_Hurriedly going to_ CHARLOTTE.
] I am to have the honour of this reel, I believe, Miss Lucas.
CHARLOTTE.
Oh yes, Colonel Forster.
[_She goes out with_ FORSTER, _leaving_ ELIZABETH _alone, still seated_.
LYDIA _and_ DENNY _approach_ ELIZABETH.
] LYDIA.
I think we are being treated abominably ill, Lizzy!
It seems that Mr. Wickham has gone off on business somewhere, so he will not be here at all.
[LYDIA _looks off toward the ball-room_.
] DENNY.
[_Aside to_ ELIZABETH _significantly_.
] I do not imagine his business would have called him away just now if he had not wished to avoid a certain gentleman.
LYDIA.
[_Suddenly.
_] Why, Mr. Denny--I do believe the reel is half over--I dearly love a reel!
We shall miss it, altogether.
Come!
[_She drags_ DENNY _off_.
] ELIZABETH.
[_Alone.
_] Well!
Well!
The world is surely upside down.
Charlotte and--Collins!
_What_ a match!
DARCY.
[_Approaching from the ball-room.
_] Do not you feel a great inclination, Miss Bennet, to seize such an opportunity of dancing a reel?
[ELIZABETH _makes no answer_.
] Do not you enjoy the reel, Miss Bennet?
ELIZABETH.
[_Looking up.
_] Oh, I heard you before, but I could not immediately determine what to say in reply.
You wanted me, I know, to say--"Yes," that you might have the pleasure of despising my taste; but I always delight in overthrowing that kind of scheme.
I have therefore made up my mind to tell you that I do not want to dance a reel at all; and now despise me, if you dare!
DARCY.
[_Smiling.
_] I do not dare.
[MISS BINGLEY _enters from the ball-room with an officer.
They talk together.
_] COLONEL FORSTER.
[_Entering from the ball-room, and looking about him, sees_ ELIZABETH _and comes to her_.
] May I have the honour, Miss Bennet?
ELIZABETH.
I do not dance the reel, Colonel Forster.
COLONEL FORSTER.
Oh, the reel is over.
This is our dance.
ELIZABETH.
Oh!
[_She goes off with_ COLONEL FORSTER.
DARCY _remains where_ ELIZABETH _leaves him and watches her till she disappears into the ball-room.
The officer bows and leaves_ MISS BINGLEY.
] MISS BINGLEY.
[_Approaching_ DARCY.
] I can guess the subject of your reverie.
DARCY.
I should imagine not.
MISS BINGLEY.
You are considering how insufferable it would be to pass many evenings in such society.
Indeed, I am quite of your opinion.
I was never more annoyed.
The insipidity and yet the noise;--the nothingness and yet the self-importance of all these people!
What would I give to hear your strictures on them!
DARCY.
Your conjecture is totally wrong.
I assure you, my mind was more agreeably engaged.
I was meditating on the very great pleasure which a pair of fine eyes in the face of a pretty woman can bestow.
MISS BINGLEY.
[_Looking at him very meaningly and sweetly, speaks with coquetry.
_] Indeed!
And will not you tell me what lady has the credit of inspiring such reflections?
DARCY.
[_With great intrepidity.
_] Miss Elizabeth Bennet.
MISS BINGLEY.
[_Taken aback.
_] Miss Elizabeth Bennet!
I am all astonishment!
How long has she been such a favourite?
Pray when am I to wish you joy?
DARCY.
That is exactly the question which I expected you to ask.
A lady's imagination is very rapid: it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.
I knew you would be wishing me joy.
MISS BINGLEY.
Nay, if you are so serious about it I shall consider the matter as absolutely settled.
You will have a charming mother-in-law!
Of course she will always be at Pemberley with you.
Perhaps you might give her a few hints as to the advantage of holding her tongue.
