Japanese Girls and Women — Wife and Mother, Part 2

The Japanese mother's life is one of perfect devotion to her children;

she is their willing slave.

Her days are spent in caring for them, her evenings in watching over them; and she spares neither time nor trouble in doing anything for their comfort and pleasure.

In sickness,[19] in health, day and night, the little ones are her one thought; and from the home of the noble to the humble cot of the peasant, this tender mother-love may be seen in all its different phases.

The Japanese woman has so few on whom to lavish her affection, so little to live for beside her children, and no hopes in the future except through them, that it is no wonder that she devotes her life to their care and service, deeming the drudgery that custom requires of her for them the easiest of all her duties.

Even with plenty of servants, the mother performs for her children nearly all the duties often delegated to nurses in this country.

Mother and babe are rarely separated, night or day, during the first few years of the baby's life, and the mother denies herself any entertainment or journey from home when the baby cannot accompany her.

To give the husband any share in the baby-work would be an unheard-of thing, and a disgrace to the wife; for in public and in private the baby is the mother's sole charge, and the husband is never asked to sit up all night with a sick baby, or to mind it in any way at all.

Nothing in all one's study of Japanese life seems more beautiful and admirable than the influence of the mother over her children,--an influence that is gentle and all-pervading, bringing out all that is sweetest and noblest in the feminine character, and affording the one almost unlimited opportunity of a Japanese woman's life.

The lot of a childless wife in Japan is a sad one.

Not only is she denied the hopes and the pleasures of a mother in her children, but she is an object of pity to her friends, and well does she know that Confucius has laid down the law that a man is justified in divorcing a childless wife.

All feel that through her, innocent though she is, the line has ceased; that her duty is unfulfilled; and that, though the name be given to adopted sons, there is no heir of the blood.

A man rarely sends away his wife solely with this excuse, but children are the strongest of the ties which bind together husband and wife, and the childless wife is far less sure of pleasing her husband.

In many cases she tries to make good her deficiencies by her care of adopted children; in them she often finds the love which fills the void in her heart and home, and she receives from them in after-life the respect and care which is the crown of old age.

[19] Since the introduction of the foreign system of medicine and nursing, the Japanese realize so acutely the lack of conveniences and appliances for nursing the sick in their own homes, that cases of severe or even serious illness are usually sent to hospitals, where the invalids can have the comforts that even the wealthy Japanese homes cannot furnish.

We have hitherto spoken of married life when the wife is received into her husband's home.

Another interesting side of Japanese marriage is when a man enters the wife's family, taking her name and becoming entirely one of her family, as usually the wife becomes of the husband's. When there are daughters but no sons in a family to inherit the name, one of three things may happen: a son may be adopted early in life and grow up as heir; or he may be adopted with the idea of marrying one of the daughters; or, again, no one may have been formally adopted, but on the eldest daughter's coming to a marriageable age, her family and friends seek for her a _y[=o]shi_, that is to say, some man (usually a younger son) who is willing and able to give up his family name, and, by marrying the daughter, become a member of her family and heir to the name.

He cuts off all ties from his own family, and becomes a member of hers, and the young couple are expected to live with her parents.

In this case the tables are turned, and it is he who has to dread the mother-in-law; it is his turn to have to please his new relatives and to do all he can to be agreeable.

He, too, may be sent away and divorced by the all-powerful parents, if he does not please; and such divorces are not uncommon.

Of course, in such marriages, the woman has the greater power, and the man has to remember what he owes her; and though the woman yields to him obediently in all respects, it is an obedience not demanded by the husband, as under other circumstances.

In such marriages the children belong to the family whose name they bear, so that in case of divorce they remain in the wife's family, unless some special arrangement is made about them.

It may be wondered why young men ever care to enter a family as _y[=o]shi_.

There is only one answer,--it is the attraction of wealth and rank, very rarely that of the daughter herself.

In the houses of rich _daimi[=o]s_ without sons, _y[=o]shi_ are very common, and there are many younger sons of the nobility, themselves of high birth, but without prospects, who are glad enough to become great lords.

In feudal times, the number of _samurai_ families was limited.

Several sons of one family could not establish different _samurai_ families, but all but the eldest son, if they formed separate houses, must enroll themselves among the ranks of the common people.

Hence the younger sons were often adopted into other _samurai_ families as _y[=o]shi_, where it was desired to secure a succession to a name that must otherwise die out.

Since the Restoration, and the breaking down of the old class distinctions, young men care more for independence than for their rank as _samurai_; and it is now quite difficult to find _y[=o]shi_ to enter _samurai_ families, unless it be because of the attractiveness and beauty of the young lady herself.

Many a young girl who could easily make a good marriage with some suitable husband, could she enter his family, is now obliged to take some inferior man as _y[=o]shi_, because few men in these days are willing to change their names, give up their independence, and take upon themselves the support of aged parents-in-law; for this also is expected of the _y[=o]shi_, unless the family that he enters is a wealthy one.

From this custom of _y[=o]shi_, and its effect upon the wife's position, we see that, in certain cases, Japanese women are treated as equal with men.

It is not because of their sex that they are looked down upon and held in subjection, but it is because of their almost universal dependence of position.

The men have the right of inheritance, the education, habits of self-reliance, and are the bread-winners.

Wherever the tables are turned, and the men are dependents of the women, and even where the women are independent of the men,--there we find the relations of men to women vastly changed.

The women of Japan must know how to do some definite work in the world beyond the work of the home, so that their position will not be one of entire dependence upon father, husband, or son.

If fathers divided their estates between sons and daughters alike, and women were given, before the law, right to hold property in their own names, much would be accomplished towards securing them in their positions as wives and mothers; and divorce, the great evil of Japanese home life to-day, would become simply a last resort to preserve the purity of the home, as it is in most civilized countries now.

The difference between the women of the lower and those of the higher classes, in the matter of equality with their husbands, is quite noticeable.

The wife of the peasant or merchant is much nearer to her husband's level than is the wife of the Emperor.

Apparently, each step in the social scale is a little higher for the man than it is for the woman, and lifts him a little farther above his wife.

The peasant and his wife work side by side in the field, put their shoulders to the same wheel, eat together in the same room, at the same time, and whichever of them happens to be the stronger in character governs the house, without regard to sex.

There is no great gulf fixed between them, and there is frequently a consideration for the wife shown by husbands of the lower class, that is not unlike what we see in our own country.

I remember the case of a _jinrikisha_ man employed by a friend of mine in T[=o]ky[=o], who was much laughed at by his friends because he actually used to spend some of his leisure moments in drawing the water required for his household from a well some distance away, and carrying the heavy buckets to the house, in order to save the strength of his little, delicate wife.

That cases of such devotion are rare is no doubt true, but that they occur shows that there is here and there a recognition of the claims that feminine weakness has upon masculine strength.

A frequent sight in the morning, in T[=o]ky[=o], is a cart heavily laden with wood, charcoal, or some other country produce, creaking slowly along the streets, propelled by a farmer and his family.

Sometimes one will see an old man, his son, and his son's wife with a baby on her back, all pushing or pulling with might and main; the woman with tucked-up skirts and tight-fitting blue trousers, a blue towel enveloping her head,--only to be distinguished from the men by her smaller size and the baby tied to her back.

But when evening comes, and the load of produce has been disposed of, the woman and baby are seen seated upon the cart, while the two men pull it back to their home in some neighboring village.

Here, again, is the recognition of the law that governs the position of woman in this country,--the theory, not of inferior position, but of inferior strength; and the sight of the women riding back in the empty carts at night, drawn by their husbands, is the thing that strikes a student of Japanese domestic life as nearest to the customs of our own civilization in regard to the relations of husbands and wives.

Throughout the country districts, where the women have a large share in the labor that is directly productive of wealth, where they not only work in the rice fields, pick the tea crops, gather the harvests, and help draw them to market, but where they have their own productive industries, such as caring for the silkworms, and spinning, and weaving both silk and cotton, we find the conventional distance between the sexes much diminished by the important character of feminine labor; but in the cities, and among the classes who are largely either indirect producers or non-producers, the only labor of the women is that personal service which we account as menial.

It is for this reason, perhaps, that the gap widens as we go upward in society, and between the same social levels as we go cityward.

The wife of the countryman, though she may work harder and grow old earlier, is more free and independent than her city sister; and the wife of the peasant, pushing her produce to market, is in some ways happier and more considered than the wife of the noble, who must spend her life among her ladies-in-waiting, in the seclusion of her great house with its beautiful garden, the plaything of her husband in his leisure hours, but never his equal, or the sharer of his cares or of his thoughts.

One of the causes which must be mentioned as contributing to the lowering of the wife's position, among the higher and more wealthy classes, lies in the system of concubinage which custom allows, and the law until quite recently has not discouraged.

From the Emperor, who was, by the old Chinese code of morals, allowed twelve supplementary wives, to the _samurai_, who are permitted two, the men of the higher classes are allowed to introduce into their families these _mékaké_, who, while beneath the wife in position, are frequently more beloved by the husband than the wife herself.

It must be said, however, to the credit of many husbands, that in spite of this privilege, which custom allows, there are many men of the old school who are faithful to one wife, and never introduce this discordant element into the household.

Even should he keep _mékaké_, it is often unknown to the wife, and she is placed in a separate establishment of her own.

And in spite of the code of morals requiring submission in any case on the part of the woman, there are many wives of the _samurai_ and lower classes who have enough spirit and wit to prevent their husbands from ever introducing a rival under the same roof.

In this way the practice is made better than the theory.

Not so with the more helpless wife of the nobleman, for wealth and leisure make temptation greater for the husband.

She submits unquestioningly to the custom requiring that the wife treat these women with all civility.

Their children she may even have to adopt as her own.

The lot of the _mékaké_ herself is rendered the less endurable, from the American point of view, by the fact that, should the father of her child decide to make it his heir, the mother is thenceforth no more to it than any other of the servants of the household.

For instance, suppose a hitherto childless noble is presented with a son by one of his concubines, and he decides by legal adoption to make that son his heir: the child at its birth, or as soon afterwards as is practicable, is taken from its mother and placed in other hands, and the mother never sees her own child until, on the thirtieth day after its birth, she goes with the other servants of the household to pay her respects to her young master.

If it were not for the habit of abject obedience to parents which Japanese custom has exalted into the one feminine virtue, few women could be found of respectable families who would take a position so devoid of either honor or satisfaction of any kind as that of _mékaké_.

That these positions are not sought after must be said, to the honor of Japanese womanhood.

A nobleman may obtain _samurai_ women for his "_O mékaké_" (literally, honorable concubines), but they are never respected by their own class for taking such positions.

In the same way the _mékaké_ of _samurai_ are usually from the _héimin_.

No woman who has any chance of a better lot will ever take the unenviable position of _mékaké_.

A law which has recently been promulgated strikes at the root of this evil, and, if enforced, will in course of time go far toward extirpating it.

Henceforth in Japan, no child of a concubine, or of adoption from any source, can inherit a noble title.

The heir to the throne must hereafter be the son, not only of the Emperor, but of the Empress, or the succession passes to some collateral branch of the family.

This law does not apply to Prince Haru, the present heir to the throne, as, although he is not the son of the Empress, he was legally adopted before the promulgation of the law; but should he die, it will apply to all future heirs.

That public opinion is moving in the right direction is shown by the fact that the young men of the higher classes do not care to marry the daughters of _mékaké_, be they ever so legally adopted by their own fathers.

When the girls born of such unions become a drug in the matrimonial market, and the boys are unable to keep up the succession, the _mékaké_ will go out of fashion, and the real wife will once more assume her proper importance.

[20] [20] It is worth while to mention in this connection the noteworthy efforts made by the Woman's Christian Temperance Union of Japan in calling the attention of the public to this custom, and in arousing public sentiment in favor of legislation against not only this system, but against the licensed houses of prostitution.

Though there has not yet been any practical result, much discussion has ensued in the newspapers and magazines, lectures have been given, and much strong feeling aroused, which may, before long, produce radical change.

Upon the 11th day of February, 1889, the day on which the Emperor, by his own act in giving a constitution to the people, limited his own power for the sake of putting his nation upon a level with the most civilized nations of the earth, he at the same time, and for the first time, publicly placed his wife upon his own level.

In an imperial progress made through the streets of T[=o]ky[=o], the Emperor and Empress, for the first time in the history of Japan, rode together in the imperial coach.

[*115] Until then, the Emperor, attended by his chief gentlemen-in-waiting and his guards, had always headed the procession, while the Empress must follow at a distance with her own attendants.

That this act on the part of the Emperor signifies the beginning of a new and better era for the women of Japan, we cannot but hope; for until the position of the wife and mother in Japan is improved and made secure, little permanence can be expected in the progress of the nation toward what is best and highest in the Western civilization.

Better laws, broader education for the women, a change in public opinion on the subject, caused by the study, by the men educated abroad, of the homes of Europe and America,--these are the forces which alone can bring the women of Japan up to that place in the home which their intellectual and moral qualities fit them to fill.

That Japan is infinitely ahead of other Oriental countries in her practices in this matter is greatly to her credit; but that she is far behind the civilized nations of Europe and America, not only in practice but in theory, is a fact that is incontestable, and a fact that, unless changed, must sooner or later be a stumbling-block in the path of her progress toward the highest civilization of which she is capable.

[21] The European practice cannot be grafted upon the Asiatic theory, but the change in the home must be a radical one, to secure permanent good results.

As long as the wife has no rights which the husband is bound to respect, no great advance can be made, for human nature is too mean and selfish to give in all cases to those who are entirely unprotected by law, and entirely unable to protect themselves, those things which the moral nature declares to be their due.

In the old slave times in the South, many of the negroes were better fed, better cared for, and happier than they are to-day; but they were nevertheless at the mercy of men who too often thought only of themselves, and not of the human bodies and souls over which they had unlimited power.

It was a condition of things that could not be prevented by educating the masters so as to induce them to be kind to their slaves; it was a condition that was wrong in theory, and so could not be righted in practice.

In the same way the position of the Japanese wife is wrong in theory, and can never be righted until legislation has given to her rights which it still denies.

Education will but aggravate the trouble to a point beyond endurance.

The giving to the wife power to obtain a divorce will not help much, but simply tend to weaken still further the marriage tie.

Nothing can help surely and permanently but the growth of a sound public opinion, in regard to the position of the wife, that will, sooner or later, have its effect upon the laws of the country.

Legislation once effected, all the rest will come, and the wife, secure in her home and her children, will be at the point where her new education can be of use to her in the administration of her domestic affairs and the training of her children; and where she will finally become the friend and companion of her husband, instead of his mere waitress, seamstress, and housekeeper,--the plaything of his leisure moments, too often the victim of his caprices.

[21] Many of the thinking men of Japan, though fully recognizing the injustice of the present position of woman in society, and the necessity of reform in the marriage and divorce laws, refuse to see the importance of any movement to change them.

Their excuse is, that such power in the hands of the husband over his wife might be abused, but that in fact it is not.

Wrongs and injustice are rare, they argue, and kind treatment, affection, and even respect for the wife is the general rule; and that the keeping of the power in the hands of the husband is better than giving too much freedom to women who are without education.

These men wish to wait until every woman is educated, before acting in a reform movement, while many conservatives oppose the new system of education for girls as making them unwomanly.

Between these two parties, the few who really wish for a change are utterly unable to act.