Alice in Wonderland (Drama) — Act 1
SCENE ONE
_ALICE'S home.
LEWIS CARROLL is discovered, playing chess.
Golden-haired ALICE, in a little blue dress, a black kitten in her arms, stands watching him.
_ ALICE
That's a funny game, uncle.
What did you do then?
CARROLL
A red pawn took a white pawn; this way.
You see, Alice, the chessboard is divided into sixty-four squares, red and white, and the white army tries to win and the red army tries to win.
It's like a battle!
ALICE
With soldiers?
CARROLL
Yes, here are the Kings and Queens they are fighting for.
That's the Red Queen and here's the White Queen.
ALICE
How funny they look!
CARROLL
See the crowns on their heads, and look at their big feet.
ALICE
It's a foot apiece, that's what it is!
Do they hump along like this?
CARROLL
Here!
You're spoiling the game.
I must keep them all in their right squares.
ALICE
I want to be a queen!
CARROLL
Here _you_ are [_he points to a small white pawn_] here _you_ are in your little stiff skirt!
ALICE
How do you do, Alice!
CARROLL
And now you are going to move here.
ALICE
Let me move myself.
CARROLL
When you have traveled all along the board this way and haven't been taken by the enemy you may be a queen.
ALICE
Why do people always play with kings and queens?
Mother has them in her playing cards too.
Look!
[_ALICE goes to the mantel and takes a pack of playing cards from the ledge.
_] Here's the King of Hearts and here's his wife; she's the Queen of Hearts--isn't she cross-looking?
wants to bite one's head off.
[_CARROLL moves a pawn.
_] You're playing against yourself, aren't you?
CARROLL
That's one way of keeping in practice, Alice; I have friends in the university who want to beat me.
ALICE
But if you play against yourself I should think you'd want to cheat!
CARROLL
Does a nice little girl like you cheat when she plays against herself?
ALICE
Oh!
I _never_ do!
I'd scold myself hard.
I always pretend I'm _two_ people too.
It's lots of fun, isn't it?
Sometimes when I'm all alone I walk up to the looking glass and talk to the other Alice.
She's so silly, that Alice;
she can't do anything by herself.
She just mocks me all the time.
When I laugh, she laughs, when I point my finger at her, she points her finger at me, and when I stick my tongue out at her she sticks her tongue out at me!
Kitty has a twin too, haven't you darling?
[_ALICE goes to the mirror to show Kitty her twin.
_] CARROLL
I'll have to write a book some day about Alice--Alice in wonderland, "Child of the pure unclouded brow and dreaming eyes of wonder!"
or, Alice through the looking glass!
ALICE
Don't you wish sometimes you could go into looking-glass house?
See!
[_ALICE stands on an armchair and looks into the mirror.
_] There's the room you can see through the glass; it's just the same as our living-room here, only the things go the other way.
I can see all of it--all but the bit just behind the fireplace.
Oh!
I do wish I could see that bit!
I want so much to know if they've a fire there.
You never _can_ tell, you know, unless our fire smokes.
Then smoke comes up in that room too--but that may be just to make it look as if they had a fire--just to pretend they had.
The books are something like our books, only the words go the wrong way.
Won't there ever be any way of our getting through, uncle?
CARROLL
Do you think Kitty would find looking-glass milk digestible?
ALICE
It doesn't sound awful good, does it; but I might leave her at home.
She's been into an awful lot of mischief today.
She found sister's knitting and chased the ball all over the garden where sister was playing croquet with the neighbors.
And I ran and ran after the naughty little thing until I was all out of breath and so tired!
I am tired.
[_She yawns and makes herself comfortable in the armchair.
_] CARROLL
[_Replaces the playing cards on the mantel and consults his watch.
_] Take a nap.
Yes, you have time before tea.
ALICE
[_Half asleep.
_] We're going to have mock turtle soup for supper!
I heard mamma tell the cook not to pepper it too much.
CARROLL
What a funny little rabbit it is, nibbling all the time!
[_He leans gently over the back of her chair, and seeing that she is going to sleep puts out the lamp light and leaves the room.
A red glow from the fireplace illumines ALICE.
_] [_Dream music.
A bluish light reveals the RED CHESS QUEEN and the WHITE CHESS QUEEN in the mirror.
_] RED QUEEN
[_Points to ALICE and says in a mysterious voice.
_] There she is, let's call her over.
WHITE QUEEN
Do you think she'll come?
RED QUEEN
I'll call softly, Alice!
WHITE QUEEN
Hist, Alice.
RED QUEEN
Alice!
WHITE QUEEN
Hush--if she wakes and catches us-- BOTH QUEENS
Alice, come through into looking-glass house!
[_Their hands beckon her.
_] ALICE
[_Rises, and talks sleepily.
The Queens disappear.
ALICE climbs from the arm of the chair to the back of another and so on up to the mantel ledge, where she picks her way daintily between the vases.
_] I--don't--know--how--I--can--get--through.
I've tried--before--but the glass was hard--and I was afraid of cutting--my fingers-- [_She feels the glass and is amazed to find it like gauze.
_] Why, it's soft like gauze; it's turning into a sort of mist; why, it's easy to get through!
_Why--why_--I'm going _through_!
[_She disappears.
_] SCENE TWO
[_Is Scene One, reversed.
The portieres are black and red squares like a chessboard.
A soft radiance follows the characters mysteriously.
As the curtain rises ALICE comes through the looking glass; steps down, looks about in wonderment and goes to see if there is a "fire."
The RED QUEEN rises out of the grate and faces her haughtily.
_] ALICE
Why, you're the Red Queen!
RED QUEEN
Of course I am!
Where do you come from?
And where are you going?
Look up, speak nicely, and don't twiddle your fingers!
ALICE
I only wanted to see what the looking glass was like.
Perhaps I've lost my way.
RED QUEEN
I don't know what you mean by your way; all the ways about here belong to _me_.
Curtsey while you're thinking what to say.
It saves time.
ALICE
I'll try it when I go home; the next time I'm a little late for dinner.
RED QUEEN
It's time for you to answer now; open your mouth a _little_ wider when you speak, and always say, "Your Majesty."
I suppose you don't want to lose your name?
ALICE
No, indeed.
RED QUEEN
And yet I don't know, only think how convenient it would be if you could manage to go home without it!
For instance, if the governess wanted to call you to your lessons, she would call out "come here," and there she would have to leave off, because there wouldn't be any name for her to call, and of course you wouldn't have to go, you know.
ALICE
That would never do, I'm sure; the governess would never think of excusing me from lessons for that.
If she couldn't remember my name, she'd call me "Miss," as the servants do.
RED QUEEN
Well, if she said "Miss," and didn't say anything more, of course you'd miss your lessons.
I dare say you can't even read this book.
ALICE
It's all in some language I don't know.
Why, it's a looking-glass book, of course!
And if I hold it up to a glass, the words will all go the right way again.
JABBERWOCKY
'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves, And the mome raths outgrabe.
It seems very pretty, but it's _rather_ hard to understand; somehow it seems to fill my head with ideas--only I don't exactly know what they are.
RED QUEEN
I daresay you don't know your geography either.
Look at the map!
[_She takes a right angle course to the portieres and points to them with her sceptre.
_] ALICE
It's marked out just like a big chessboard.
I wouldn't mind being a pawn, though of course I should like to be a Red Queen best.
RED QUEEN
That's easily managed.
When you get to the eighth square you'll be a Queen.
It's a huge game of chess that's being played--all over the world.
Come on, we've got to run.
Faster, don't try to talk.
ALICE
I can't. RED QUEEN
Faster, faster.
ALICE
Are we nearly there?
RED QUEEN
Nearly there!
Why, we passed it ten minutes ago.
Faster.
You may rest a little now.
ALICE
Why, I do believe we're in the same place.
Everything's just as it was.
[Illustration] RED QUEEN
Of course it is, what would you have it?
ALICE
Well, in our country you'd generally get to somewhere else--if you ran very fast for a long time as we've been doing.
RED QUEEN
A slow sort of country.
Now _here_ you see, it takes all the running _you_ can do, to keep in the same place.
If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that.
ALICE
I'd rather not try, please!
I'm quite content to stay here--only I _am_ so hot and thirsty.
RED QUEEN
I know what you'd like.
[_She takes a little box out of her pocket.
_] Have a biscuit?
[_ALICE, not liking to refuse, curtseys as she takes the biscuit and chokes.
_] RED QUEEN
While you're refreshing yourself, I'll just take the measurements.
[_She takes a ribbon out of her pocket and measures the map with it.
_] At the end of two yards I shall give you your directions--have another biscuit?
ALICE
No thank you, one's _quite_ enough.
RED QUEEN
Thirst quenched, I hope?
At the end of three yards I shall repeat them--for fear of your forgetting them.
At the end of _four_, I shall say good-bye.
And at the end of five, I shall go!
That Square belongs to Humpty Dumpty and that Square to the Gryphon and Mock Turtle and that Square to the Queen of Hearts.
But you make no remark?
ALICE
I--I didn't know I had to make one--just then.
RED QUEEN
You _should_ have said, "It's extremely kind of you to tell me all this," however, we'll suppose it said.
Four!
Good-bye!
Five!
[_RED QUEEN vanishes in a gust of wind behind the portieres.
Rabbit music.
WHITE RABBIT comes out of the fireplace and walks about the room hurriedly.
He wears a checked coat, carries white kid gloves in one hand, a fan in the other and takes out his watch to look at it anxiously.
_] WHITE RABBIT
Oh the Duchess!
the Duchess!
Oh!
won't she be savage if I've kept her waiting!
ALICE
I've never seen a rabbit with a waistcoat and a watch!
And a waistcoat pocket!
If you please, sir-- WHITE RABBIT
Oh!
[_He drops fan and gloves in fright and dashes out by way of the portieres in a gust of wind.
ALICE picks up the fan and playfully puts on the gloves.
The portieres flap in the breeze and a shawl flies in.
_] ALICE
[_Catches the shawl and looks about for the owner; then meets the WHITE QUEEN.
_] I'm very glad I happened to be in the way.
WHITE QUEEN
[_Runs in wildly, both arms stretched out wide as if she were flying, and cries in a helpless frightened way.
_] Bread-and-butter, bread-and-butter.
ALICE
Am I addressing the White Queen?
WHITE QUEEN
Well, yes, if you call that a-dressing.
It isn't my notion of the thing, at all.
ALICE
If your Majesty will only tell me the right way to begin, I'll do it as well as I can.
WHITE QUEEN
But I don't want it done at all.
I've been a-dressing myself for the last two hours.
ALICE
Every single thing's crooked, and you're all over pins; may I put your shawl straight for you?
WHITE QUEEN
I don't know what's the matter with it!
It's out of temper.
I've pinned it here, and I've pinned it there, but there's no pleasing it.
ALICE
It _can't_ go straight, you know, if you pin it all on one side, and dear me, what a state your hair is in!
WHITE QUEEN
The brush has got entangled in it!
And I lost the comb yesterday.
ALICE
[_Takes out the brush and arranges the QUEEN'S hair.
_] You look better now!
But really you should have a lady's maid!
WHITE QUEEN
I'm sure I'll take you with pleasure.
Two pence a week and jam every other day.
ALICE
[_Who cannot help laughing.
_] I don't want you to hire me--and I don't care for jam.
WHITE QUEEN
It's very good jam.
ALICE
Well, I don't want any today, at any rate.
WHITE QUEEN
You couldn't have it if you _did_ want it.
The rule is, jam tomorrow and jam yesterday--but never jam today.
ALICE
It must come sometimes to "jam today."
WHITE QUEEN
