My Lady of the Chinese Courtyard — Part 1 Letters 17 - 25
Thy Wife.
17 My Dear One, Thine house of intrigue.
Deep, dark intrigue and plotting.
Thy wife has lent herself to a most unwomanly thing, and doubtless thou wilt tell her so, but Mah-li begged so prettily, I could refuse her nothing.
I told thee in my last letter that thine Honourable Mother had been regarding the family of Sheng Ta-jen with a view to his son as husband of Mah-li.
It is settled, and Mah-li leaves us in the autumn.
None of us except Chih-peh has seen the young man, and Mah-li did a most immodest thing the other day.
She came to me and asked me to find out from Chih-peh if he were handsome, if he were young-- all the questions that burn the tongue of a young girl, but which she must keep within tightly closed lips if she would not be thought unmaidenly.
I asked thy brother; but his answer was not in regard to the questions Mah-li wished so much to know.
So we arranged a plan-- a plan that caused me many nights of sleeplessness.
It was carried out and-- still the sky is blue, the stars are bright at night, and the moon shines just as softly on the valley.
The first part of the plan was for Li-ti.
She must persuade Chih-peh to ask Shen-go to spend the day with him at the Fir-tree Monastery.
When he knew the meaning of the invitation he refused.
He was shocked, and properly; as it was a thing unheard-of.
He could not understand why Mah-li would not be content with her mother's choice.
Li-ti brought all her little ways to bear-- and Chih-peh can refuse her nothing.
At the Feast of the Moon thy brother asked three friends to join him at the monastery and stroll amongst its groves.
The rest of the plan was for me to carry out; and I, thy wife, displayed a talent for diplomacy.
I noticed that the cheeks of our Honourable Mother were pale, that she seemed listless, that her step was wearied.
I said doubtless she was tired of being shut within the compound walls with three aimless, foolish women, and proposed a feast or pilgrimage.
I mentioned the Goldfish Pond, knowing she was tired of it; spoke of the Pagoda on the Hills, knowing full well that she did not like the priests therein; then, by chance, read from a book the story of the two kings.
It is the tale of the King of Hangchow and the King of Soochow who, in the olden time, divided our great valley between them.
The King of Hangchow was an old man and the cares of state fell heavily upon his shoulders.
The King of Soochow was a man, eaten up with mad ambitions.
He began to tread upon the lands of the old King, taking now a farmhouse, now a village, and at last a city, until the poor old King was threatened at his very gateway by the army of the young man.
The young King had strength, but the old King had guile, so he made a peace with his enemy for one year.
He sent him presents, costly silks and teas, and pearls and jade and ginseng, and, last and best, a beautiful slave-girl, the most beautiful in the province.
The young King was delighted, and forgot his warring, passing all his days within the women's quarters.
As the winter waned and the spring came, the slave-girl sickened, said she panted for the hillsides, and she pointed to the mountain outside his city walls.
He was a foolish King, and he builded for her a palace, and she moved there with her women.
The King was lonely in the city, and he passed his days with the women in the palace on the mountain.
While living there in pleasure, and his army in the city, the old King of Hangchow sent his soldiers; and soon there was no King of Soochow, only a slave-girl decked with many jewels was taken back with honour to the old King's city.
I read all this to thine Honourable Mother, and told her we could see the ruins of the fish-pond, of the palace, see the fallen marbles from the tea-house, and-- the chairs were ordered, and we went.
We wandered over deserted pathways, saw the lotus pools once filled with goldfish, picked our way through lonely courtyards, climbed the sunken steps of terraces that had once been gay with flowers.
It all was melancholy, this palace built for pleasure, now a mass of crumbling ruins, and it saddened us.
We sat upon the King's bench that overlooked the plain, and from it I pointed out the Fir-tree Monastery in the distance.
I spoke of their famous tea, sun-dried with the flowers of jessamine, and said it might bring cheer and take away the gloom caused by the sight of death and vanished grandeurs now around us.
We were carried swiftly along the pathways that wound in and out past farm villages and rest-houses until we came to the monastery, which is like a yellow jewel in its setting of green fir-trees.
The priests made us most welcome, and we drank of their tea, which has not been overpraised, sitting at a great open window looking down upon the valley.
Strolling in the courtyard was Chih-peh with his three friends.
Mah-li never raised her eyes; she sat as maidens sit in public, but-- she saw.
We came home another pathway, to pass the resting-place of Sheng-dong, the man who at the time of famine fed the poor and gave his all to help the needy.
The Gods so loved him that when his body was carried along the road-way to the Resting-place of his Ancestors, all the stones stood up to pay him reverence.
One can see them now, standing straight and stiff, as if waiting for his command to lie down again.
Art thou dissatisfied with me?
Have I done wrong?
Dear One, it means so much to Mah-li.
Let her dream these months of waiting.
It is hard to keep wondering, doubting, fearing one knows not what, hoping as young girls hope.
But now she has seen him.
To me he was just a straight-limbed, bright-faced boy; to her he is a God.
There are no teeth so white, no hair so black, and man were not born who walked with such a noble stride.
It will make the summer pass more quickly, and the thought of the marriage-chair will not be to her the gateway of a prison.
Art thou not tired of that far-off country?
Each time I break the seal of thy dear letter I say, "Perhaps this time-- it holds for me my happiness.
It will say, 'I am coming home to thee'."
I am longing for that message.
Thy Wife.
18 My Dear One, It will soon be the Feast of the Springtime.
Even now the roads are covered with the women coming to the temple carrying their baskets of spirit money and candles to lay before the Buddha.
Spring will soon be truly here; the buds are everywhere.
Everything laughs from the sheer joy of laughter.
The sun looks down upon the water in the canal and it breaks into a thousand little ripples from pure gladness.
I too am happy, and I want to give of my happiness.
I have put a great kang of tea down by the rest-house on the tow-path, so that they who thirst may drink.
Each morning I send Chang-tai, the gate-keeper, down to the man who lives in the little reed hut he has builded by the grave of his father.
For three years he will live there, to show to the world his sorrow.
I think it very worthy and filial of him, so I send him rice each morning.
I have also done another thing to express the joy that is deep within my heart.
The old abbot, out of thankfulness that the tall poles were not erected before the monastery gateway, has turned the fields back of the temple into a freeing-place for animals.
There one may acquire merit by buying a sheep, a horse, a dog, a bird, or a snake that is to be killed, and turning it loose where it may live and die a natural death, as the Gods intended from the beginning.
I have given him a sum of money, large in his eyes but small when compared to my happiness, to aid him in this worthy work.
I go over in the morning and look at the poor horses and the dogs, and wonder whose soul is regarding me from out of their tired eyes.
Let me hear that thou art coming, man of mine, and I will gather dewdrops from the cherry-trees and bathe me in their perfume to give me beauty that will hold thee close to me.
I am, Thy Wife.
19. My Dear One, I have received thy letter telling me thou wilt not be here until the summer comes.
Then, I must tell thee my news, as the springtime is here, the flowers are budding, the grass is green, soon the plum-tree in the courtyard will be white.
I am jealous of this paper that will see the delight and joy in thine eyes.
In the evening I watch the rice boats pass along the canal, where the water is green and silvery like the new leaves of the willow, and I say, "Perhaps when you return, I shall be the mother of a child."
Ah--!
I have told thee.
Does it bring thee happiness, my lord?
Does it make a quick little catch in thy breath?
Does thy pulse quicken at the thought that soon thou wilt be a father?
[Illustration: Mylady12.
] Thou wilt never know what this has meant to me.
It has made the creature live that was within my soul, and my whole being is bathed with its glory.
Thou wilt never know how many times I have gone down the pathway to the temple and asked this great boon of our Lady of Mercy.
She granted it, and my life is made perfect.
I am indeed a woman, fulfilling a woman's destiny.
If a woman bear not sons for her lord, what worth her life?
Do we not know that the first of the seven causes for putting away a wife is that she brings no sons into the world to worship at the graves of her husband's ancestors?
But I, Kwei-li, that will not be said of me.
Sometimes I think, "If something should happen; if the Gods should be jealous of my happiness and I should not see thee more?"
Then the heart of the woman throbs with fear, and I throw myself at the feet of Kwan-yin and beg for strength.
She gives me peace and brings to my remembrance that the bond of fate is sealed within the moon.
There is no place for fear, for aught but love; my heart is filled so with its happiness.
Thy Wife.
20 My Dear One, The spring has come, and with it some new pulse of life beats through my quiet veins.
I spend long hours upon the terrace, breathing in the perfume of the many flowers.
The cherry-blossoms are a glory.
The whole steep hillside is covered with a fairy lace, as if some God knew how we hungered after beauty and gave us these pink blossoms to help us to forget the bare cold earth of winter.
It is the time of praying, and all the women with their candles and their incense are bending knees and chanting prayers to Kwan-yin for the blessing of a son.
There is a pilgrimage to the Kwem-li Pagoda.
I can see it in the distance, with its lotus bells that sway and ring with each light breath of wind.
One does not think of it as a thing of brick and mortar, or as a many-storied temple, but as a casket whose jewels are the prayers of waiting, hoping women.
You ask me how I pass my days?
I cannot tell.
At dawn, I wake with hope and listen to the song of the meadow-lark.
At noon, I dream of my great happiness to come.
At sunset, I am swept away into the land of my golden dreams, into the heart of my golden world that is peopled with but three-- Thou, Him, and Me.
I am drifting happily, sleepily, forgetting care, waiting for the Gods to bring my joy.
Thy Wife.
21. My Dear One, My courtyard is filled with the sounds of chatting women.
I have sent for the sewiing-women and those who do embroidery, and the days are passed in making little garments.
We are all so busy; Li-ti, Mah-li, even thine Honourable Mother takes again the needle and shows us how she broidered jackets for thee when thou wert young.
The piles of clothing grow each day, and I touch them and caress them and imagine I can see them folding close a tiny form.
There are jackets, trousers, shoes, tiny caps and thick warm blankets.
I send for Blind Chun, the story-teller, and he makes the hours pass quickly with his tales of by-gone days.
The singers and the fortune-tellers all have found the path that leads up to our gateway, knowing they will find a welcome.
[Illustration: Mylady13.
] I am, Thy Happy Wife.
22 I send thee cherry-blossoms.
They grew within thy courtyard, and each tiny petal will bring to thee remembrance of thy wife who loves thee well.
23 If thou couldst see my courtyard!
It seems carpeted with snow, so many are the cherry-blossoms on its pavement.
They say I am untidy that I permit it to be untouched by broom or brush.
It is cleaned and spotless all the year, save at this the time of cherry-blossoms, when 'tis untrodden and unswept.
I cannot write thee merely household cares and gossip.
I am so filled with happiness, I can only dream and wonder.
Joy is beating with his wings just outside my open window, and soon all the gates of Heaven will be opened wide to me.
Thy Wife.
24 He is here, beloved, thy son!
I put out my hand and touch him, and the breath of the wind through the pine-trees brings the music of the Gods to me.
He is big and strong and beautiful.
I see in his eyes as in a mirror the reflection of thy dear face, and I know he is thine and mine, and we three are one.
He is my joy, my son, my first-born.
I am tired, my lord, the brush is heavy, but it is such a happy, happy tired.
Thy Wife.
25 Is there anything so wonderful as being the mother of a son?
I simply sing, and laugh, and live-- oh, how I live the long days through.
I have happiness enough for all the world, and I want to give and give and give.
Thy mother says that all the beggers within the province know there is rice outside our gateway; but when I look into my son's eyes, and feel his tiny fingers groping in my neck, I feel I must give of my plenty to those who have no joy.
