Voces Populi — At the French Exhibition
[_Exeunt_ 'ARRIES, _to celebrate their victory in a befitting fashion, as Scene closes in_.
At the French Exhibition.
CHORUS OF ARAB STALL-KEEPERS.
Come an look!
Alaha-ba-li-boo!
Eet is verri cold to-day!
I-ah-rish Brandi!
'Ere _Miss_!
you com' 'ere!
No pay for lookin'.
Alf a price!
Verri pritti, verri nah-ice, verri cheap verri moch!
[_And so on.
_] CHORUS OF BRITISH SALESWOMEN.
_Will_ you allow me to show you this little novelty, Sir?
_'Ave_ you seen the noo perfume sprinkler?
Do come and try this noo puzzle--no 'arm in _lookin'_, Sir.
Very nice little novelties 'ere, Sir!
'Eard the noo French Worltz, Sir?
every article is very much reduced, &c. , &c. AT THE FOLIES-BERGERE.
SCENE--_A hall in the grounds.
Several turnstiles leading to curtained entrances.
_ SHOWMAN (_shouting_).
Amphitrite, the Marvellous Floatin' Goddess Just about to commence!
This way for the Mystic Gallery--three illusions for threepence!
Atalanta, the Silver Queen of the Moon; the Oriental Beauty in the Table of the Sphinx, and the Wonderful Galatea, or Pygmalion's Dream.
Only threepence!
This way for the Mystic Marvel o' She!
Now commencing!
A FEMALE SIGHTSEER (_with the air of a person making an original suggestion_) Shall we go in, just to see what it's like?
MALE DITTO.
May as well, now we _are_ 'ere.
(_To preserve himself from any suspicion of credulity_).
Sure to be a take-in o' some sort.
[Illustration: "COME AN LOOK!
ALAHA-BA-LI-BOO!"
] [_They enter a dim apartment, in which two or three people are leaning over a barrier in front of a small Stage; the Curtain is lowered, and a Pianist is industriously pounding away at a Waltz.
_ THE F.
S.
(_with an uncomfortable giggle_).
Not much to see _so_ far, is there?
HER COMPANION.
Well, they ain't begun yet.
[_The Waltz ends, and the Curtain rises, disclosing a_ CAVERN SCENE.
AMPHITRE, _in blue tights, rises through the floor_.
AMPHITRE (_in the Gallic tongue_).
Mesdarms et Messures, j'ai l'honnoor de vous sooayter le bong jour!
(_Floats, with no apparent support, in the air, and performs various graceful evolutions, concluding by reversing herself completely.
_) Bong swore, Mesdarms et messures, mes remercimongs!
[_She dives below, and the Curtain descends.
_ THE F.
S.
Is that all?
I don't see nothing in _that_!
HER COMP.
(_who, having paid for admission, resents this want of appreciation_).
Why, she was off the ground the 'ole of the time, wasn't she?
I'd just like to see _you_ turnin' and twisting about in the air as easy as she did with nothing to 'old on by!
THE F.
S.
I didn't notice she was off the ground--yes that _was_ clever.
I never thought o' that before.
Let's go and see the other things now.
HER COMP.
Well, if you don't see nothing surprising in 'em till they're all over, you might as well stop outside, _I_ should ha' thought.
THE F.
S.
Oh, but I'll notice more next time--you've got to get _used_ to these things, you know.
[_They enter the Mystic Gallery, and find themselves in a dim passage, opposite a partitioned compartment, in which is a glass case, supported on four pedestals, with a silver crescent at the back.
The illusions--to judge from a sound of scurrying behind the scenes--have apparently been taken somewhat unawares.
_ THE FEMALE SIGHTSEER (_anxious to please_).
They've done that 'alf-moon very well, haven't they?
VOICE OF SHOWMAN (_addressing the Illusions_).
Now then, 'urry up there--we're all waiting for you.
[_The face of "Atalanta, the Silver Queen of the Moon," appears strongly illuminated, inside the glass-box, and regards the spectators with an impassive contempt--greatly to their confusion.
_ THE MALE S.
(_in a propitiatory tone_).
Not a bad-looking girl, is she?
ATALANTA, THE QUEEN OF THE MOON (_to the_ ORIENTAL BEAUTY _in next compartment_).
Polly, when these people are gone, I wish you'd fetch me my work!
[_The Sightseers move on, feeling crushed.
In the second compartment the upper portion of a female is discovered, calmly knitting in the centre of a small table, the legs of which are distinctly visible.
_ THE FEMALE S.
Why, wherever has the _rest_ of her got to?
THE ORIENTAL BEAUTY (_with conscious superiority_).
That's what you've got to find out.
[_They pass on to interview "Galatea, or Pygmalion's Dream," whose compartment is as yet enveloped in obscurity.
_ A Youthful Showman (_apparently on familiar terms with all the Illusions_).
Ladies and Gentlemen, I shell now 'ave the honour of persentin' to you the wonderful Galatear or Livin' Statue; you will 'ave an oppertoonity of 'andling the bust for yourselves, which will warm before your eyes into living flesh, and the lovely creecher live and speak.
'Ere, look sharp, earn't yer!
(_To_ GALATEA.
) PYGMALION'S DREAM (_from the Mystic gloom_).
Wait a bit till I've done warming my 'ands.
Now you can turn the lights up ...
there, you've bin and turned 'em _out_ now, stoopid!
THE Y.
S.
Don't you excite yourself.
I know what I'm doin'.
(_Turns the lights up, and reveals a large terra-cotta Bust.
_) At my request, this young lydy will now perceed to assoom the yew and kimplexion of life itself.
Galatear, will you oblige us by kindly coming to life?
[_The Bust vanishes, and is replaced by a decidedly earthly Young Woman in robust health.
_ THE Y.
S.
Thenk you.
That's all I wanted of yer.
Now, will you kindly return to your former styte?
[_The Young Woman transforms herself into a hideous Skull.
_ THE Y.
S.
(_in a tone of remonstrance_).
No--no, not that ridiklous fice!
We don't want to see what yer will be--it's very _loike_ yer, I know but still--(_the skull changes to the Bust.
_) Ah, that's more the stoyle!
(_Takes the Bust by the neck and hands it round for inspection.
_) And now, thenking you for your kind attention, and on'y 'orskin one little fyvour of you, that is, that you will not reveal 'ow it is done, I will now bid you a very good evenin', Lydies and Gentlemen!
THE F.
S.
(_outside_).
It's wonderful how they can do it all for threepence, isn't it?
We haven't seen _She_ yet!
HER COMP.
What!
'aven't you seen wonders enough?
Come on, then.
But you _are_ going it you know!
[_They enter a small room, at the further end of which are a barrier and proscenium with drawn hangings.
_ THE EXHIBITOR (_in a confidential tone, punctuated by bows_).
I will not keep you waiting, Ladies and Gentlemen, but at once proceed with a few preliminary remarks.
Most of you, no doubt, have read that celebrated story by Mr. Rider 'Aggard, about a certain _She-who-must-be-obeyed_, and who dwelt in a place called Kor, and you will also doubtless remember how she was in the 'abit of repairing at certain intervals, to a cavern, and renooing her youth in a fiery piller.
On one occasion, wishing to indooce her lover to foller her example, she stepped into the flame to encourage him--something went wrong with the works, and she was instantly redooced to a cinder.
I fortunately 'appened to be near at the time (you will escuse a little wild fib from a showman, I'm sure!
) I
'appened to be porsin by, and was thus enabled to secure the ashes of the Wonderful SHE, which--(_draws hangings and reveals a shallow metal Urn suspended_ _in the centre of scene_) are now before you enclosed in that little urn.
She--where are you?
SHE (_in a full sweet voice from below_).
I am 'ere!
SHOWMAN.
Then appear!
[_The upper portion of an exceedingly comely_ YOUNG PERSON _emerges from the mouth of the Urn_.
THE F.
S.
(_startled_).
Lor, she give me quite a turn!
SHOWMAN.
Some people think this is all done by mirrors, but it is not so; it is managed by a simple arrangement of light and shade.
She will now turn slowly round, to convince you that she is really inside the urn and not merely beyind it.
(_She turns round condescendingly.
_) She will next pass her 'ands completely round her, thereby demonstrating the utter impossibility of there being any wires to support her.
Now she will rap on the walls on each side of her, proving to you that she is no reflection, but a solid reality, after which she will tap the bottom of the urn beneath her so that you may see it really is what it purports to be.
(SHE _performs all these actions in the most obliging manner_.
) She will now disappear for a moment.
(SHE _sinks into the Urn_.
) Are you still there, She?
SHE (_from the recess of the Urn_).
Yes.
SHOWMAN.
Then will you give us some sign of your presence?
(_a hand and arm are protruded and waved gracefully_).
Thank you.
Now you can come up again.
(SHE _reappears_.
) She will now answer any questions any lady or gentleman may like to put to her, always provided you won't ask her how it is done--for I'm sure she wouldn't give me away, _would_ you, She?
SHE(_with a slow bow and gracious smile_).
Certingly not.
THE F.
S.
(_to her_ COMPANION).
Ask her something--do.
HER COMP.
Go on!
_I_ ain't got anything to ask her--ask her yourself!
A BOLDER SPIRIT (_with interest_).
Are your _feet_ warm?
SHE.
Quite--thenks.
THE SHOWMAN.
HOW old are you, She?
SHE (_impressively_).
Two theousand years.
'ARRY.
And quite a young thing, too!
A SPECTATOR (_who has read the Novel_).
'Ave you 'eard from Leo Vincey lately?
SHE (_coldly_).
I don't know the gentleman.
SHOWMAN.
If you have no more questions to ask her, She will now retire into her Urn thenking you all for your kind attendance this morning, which will conclude the entertainment.
