Voces Populi — A Recitation Under Difficulties
A Recitation Under Difficulties.
SCENE.
--_An Evening Party_; MISS FRESIA BLUDKINSON, _a talented young Professional Reciter, has been engaged to entertain the company, and is about to deliver the favourite piece entitled_, "_The Lover of Lobelia Bangs, a Cowboy Idyl_."
_There is the usual crush, and the guests outside the drawing-room, who can neither hear nor see what is going on, console themselves by conversing in distinctly audible tones.
_ _Jammed in a doorway, between the persons who are trying to get in, and the people who would be only too glad to get out, is an_ UNSOPHISTICATED GUEST _who doesn't know a soul, and is consequently reduced to listening to the Recitation_.
_This is what he hears_:-- MISS FRESIA BLUD.
(_in a tone of lady-like apology_).
I am only a Cowboy---- [_Several Ladies put up their glasses, and examine her critically, as if they had rather expected this confession.
Sudden burst of Society Chatter from without.
_ SOCIETY CHATTER.
How d'ye do?...
Oh, but her parties never _are_!...
How are you?...
No, I left her at ....
Yes, he's somewhere about....
Saw you in the Row this mornin'....
Are you doing anything on----?...
Oh, _what_ a shame!...
No, but _doesn't_ she now?...
No earthly use trying to get in at present ...
&c. , &c. MISS FRESIA B.
(_beginning again, with meek despair, a little louder_).
I am only a Cowboy; reckless, rough, in an unconventional suit of clothes;
I hain't, as a rule, got much to say, and my conversation is mostly oaths.
[_Cries of "Ssh!"
intended, however, for the people outside, who are chattering harder than ever.
_ When the cackle of females strikes my ear---- SOCIETY CHATTER (_as before_).
Oh, _much_ cooler here....
Yes, delightful, wasn't it?
Everybody one knows....
No, you don't _really_?...
Oh, Popsy's flourishing, thanks....
The new Butler turned out a perfect demon ...
but I said I wouldn't have his tail docked for anything ...
so they've painted it _eau de Nil_, and it looks _so_ nice!
MISS F.
B.
(_pointedly_).
When the cackle of females strikes my ear, I jest vamose, for they make me skeered, And I sorter suspicion I skeer them too, with my hulking form, and my bushy beard!
[_Here, of course, she strokes a very round chin.
_ SOCIETY CHATTER.
Seems to be somethin' goin' on in there--singin', actin', dancin', or somethin'....
Well, of course, only heard _her_ version of it as yet, y' know....
Have you seen him in ...
white bengaline with a Medici collar, and one of those ...
nasty gouty attacks he _will_ have are only rheumatism, &c. , &c. MISS F.
B.
(_when next heard_).
I cleared my throat and I tried to speak--but the words died strangled-- A FEMININE VOICE OUTSIDE.
So _long_ since we had a quiet talk together!
Do tell me all about, &c. , &c. MISS F.
B.
----strangled by sheer alarm.
For there in front---- [_Here she points dramatically at a stout matron, who fans herself consciously.
_ ----was the slender form, and the sweet girl-face of our new "School Marm"!
Say, boys!
hev' ye heard an AEolian harp which a Zephyr's tremulous finger twangs?
Wa'al, it kinder thrills ye the way I felt when I first beheld Lobelia Bangs!
SOC.
CHAT.
Oh, you really _ought_ to go--so touching!
Dick and I both regularly howled all through the last act....
Not in the _least_, thanks.
Well, if there _is_ a seat....
You're sure there _are_ any ices?
Then, strawberry, please--no, _nothing_ to drink!...
_Will_ you allow me?
[Illustration: "I AM ONLY A COWBOY."
] Told she could dress hair perfectly, but I soon found she was ...
a Swedenborgian, my dear, or something horrid....
Haven't you?
_I've_ had it three times, and ...
so many people have asked me for cards that really I ...
had the drains thoroughly looked to, and now they're ...
delicious, but rather overpowering in a _room_, I think!
&c. , &c. MISS F.
B.
(_with genuine feeling_).
Who would imagine one meek-voiced girl could have held her own in a deafening din!
But Lobelia's scholars discovered soon she'd a dead-sure notion of discipline;
For her satin palm had a sting like steel, and the rowdiest rebel respected her, When she'd stretched out six of the hardest lots in the Bible-Class with a Derringer!
SOC.
CHAT.
No, a very dull party, you could move about quite easily in all the rooms, so we ...
kicked the whole concern to shivers and ...
came on here as soon as we could....
Capital dinner they _gave_ us too &c. , &c. MISS F.
B.
(_with as much conviction as possible under the circumstances_).
And the silence deepened; no creature stirred in the stagnant hush, and the only sound Was the far-off lumbering jolt, produced by the prairie rolling for leagues around!
SOC.
CHAT.
(_crescendo_).
Oh, an old aunt of mine has gone in for step-dancing--she's had several lessons ...
and cut her knees rather badly, y'know, so I put her out to grass ...
and now she can sit up and hold a biscuit on her nose ...
but she really ought to mix a little grey in her wig!
[_&c. , &c. , to the distraction of the_ UNSOPHISTICATED GUEST, _who is getting quite interested in Lobelia Bangs, whom he suddenly discovers, much to his surprise, on horseback_.
MISS F.
B.
And on we cantered, without a word, in the mid-day heat, on our swift mustangs.
I was only ignorant Cowboy Clem--but I worshipped bright Lobelia Bangs!
SOC.
CHAT.
(_fortissimo_).
Not for ages; but last time I met him he was in a dreadful state, with the cook down with influenza ...
and so I suppose he's _married_ her by this time!
MISS F.
B.
(_excitedly_).
But hark!
in the distance a weird shrill cry, a kinder mournful, monotonous yelp-- (_Further irruption of_ SOCIETY CHATTER) ...
is it jackal?
--bison?
--a cry for help.
SOC.
CHAT.
Such a complete _rest_, you know--so perfectly peaceful!
Not a soul to talk to.
I _love_ it ...
but, to really enjoy a tomato, you must see it dressed ...
in the _sweetest_ little sailor suit!
MISS F.
B.
My horse was a speck on the pampas' verge, for I dropped the rein in my haste to stoop;
Then I pressed my ear to the baking soil--and caught--ah, horror--the Indian whoop!
SOC.
CHAT.
Some say it _isn't_ infectious, but one can't be too careful, and, with children in the house, &c. , &c. MISS F.
B.
I rose to my feet with quivering knees, and my face went white as a fresh-washed towel;
I had heard a war-cry I knew too well--'twas the murderous bellow of Blue-nosed Owl!
SOC.
CHAT.
Nice fellow--I'm very fond of him--so fresh--capital company--met him when I was over there, &c. MISS F.
B.
"What!
leave you to face those fiends alone!"
she cried, and slid from her horse's back;
"Let me die with you--for I love you, Clem!"
Then she gave her steed a resounding smack, And he bounded off; "Now Heaven be praised that my school six-shooter I brought!"
said she.
"Four barrels I'll keep for the front-rank foes--and the next for you--and the last for me!"
SOC.
CHAT.
Is it a _comic_ piece she's doing, do you know?
Don't think so, I can see somebody smiling.
Sounds rather like Shakespeare, or Dickens, or one of those fellahs....
Didn't catch what you said.
No. Quite impossible to hear one's self speak, _isn't_ it?
MISS F.
B.
And ever louder the demons yelled for their pale-faced prey--but I scorned death's pangs, For I deemed it a doom that was half delight to die by the hand of Lobelia Bangs!
Then she whispered low in her dulcet tones, like the crooning coo of a cushat dove!
(_At the top of her voice.
_) "Forgive me, Clem, but I could not bear any squaw to torture my own true love!"
And she raised the revolver--"crack-crack-crack!"
[_To the infinite chagrin of the_ UNSOPHISTICATED GUEST, _who is intensely anxious to hear how Miss Bangs and her lover escaped from so unpleasant a dilemma--the remaining cracks of her revolver, together with the two next stanzas, are drowned in afresh torrent of small-talk--after which he hears_ MISS F. B.
_conclude with repressed emotion_: But the ochre on Blue-nosed Owl was blurred, as his braves concluded their brief harangues;
And he dropped a tear on the early bier of our Prairie Belle, Lobelia Bangs!
[_Which of course leaves him in a state of hopeless mystification.
_ SOC.
CHAT.
Is that the _end_?
Charming!
Now we shall be able to _talk_ again!
&c. , &c.
