Voces Populi — At a Sale of High Class Sculpture
At a Sale of High-Class Sculpture.
SCENE--_An upper floor in a City Warehouse; a low whitewashed room, dimly lighted by dusty windows and two gas-burners in wire cages.
Around the walls are ranged several statues of meek aspect, securely confined in barred wooden cases, like a sort of marble menagerie.
In the centre, a labyrinthine grove of pedestals, surmounted by busts, groups, and statuettes by modern Italian masters.
About these pedestals a small crowd--consisting of Elderly Merchants on the look out for a "neat thing in statuary" for the conservatory at Croydon or Muswell Hill, Young City Men who have dropped in after lunch, Disinterested Dealers, Upholsterers' Buyers, Obliging Brokers, and Grubby and Mysterious men--is cautiously circulating.
_ OBLIGING BROKER (_to_ AMIABLE SPECTATOR, _who has come in out of curiosity, and without the remotest intention of purchasing sculpture_).
No Catlog, Sir?
'Ere, allow me to orfer you mine--that's _my_ name in pencil on the top of it, Sir; and, if you _should_ 'appen to see any lot that takes your fancy, you jest ketch my eye.
(_Reassuringly.
_) I
sha'n't be fur off.
Or look 'ere, gimme a nudge--I shall know what it means.
[_The_ A. S.
_thanks him profusely, and edges away with an inward vow to avoid his and the_ AUCTIONEER'S _eyes, as he would those of a basilisk_.
AUCTIONEER (_from desk, with the usual perfunctory fervour_).
Lot 13, Gentlemen, very charming pair of subjects from child life--"_The Pricked Finger_" and "_The Scratched Toe_"--by Bimbi.
A STOLID ASSISTANT (_in shirtsleeves_).
Figgers _'ere_, Gen'lm'n!
[_Languid surge of crowd towards them.
_ [Illustration: "FIGGERS _'ere_, GEN'L'M'N!"
] A FACETIOUS BIDDER.
Which of 'em's the finger and which the toe?
AUCT.
(_coldly_).
I should have thought it was easy to identify by the attitude.
Now, Gentlemen, give me a bidding for these very finely-executed works by Bimbi.
Make any offer.
What will you give me for 'em?
Both very sweet things, Gentlemen.
Shall we say ten guineas?
A GRUBBY MAN.
Give yer five.
AUCT.
(_with grieved resignation_).
Very well, start 'em at five.
Any advance on five?
(_To_ ASSIST.
) Turn 'em round, to show the back view.
And a 'arf!
Six!
And a 'arf!
Only six and a 'arf bid for this beautiful pair of figures, done direct from nature by Bimbi.
Come, Gentlemen, come!
Seven!
Was that _you_, MR. GRIMES?
(THE GRUBBY MAN _admits the soft impeachment_.
) Seven and a 'arf.
Eight!
It's _against_ you.
MR.
GRIMES (_with a supreme effort_).
Two-and-six!
[_Mops his brow with a red cotton handkerchief.
_ AUCT.
(_in a tone of gratitude for the smallest mercies_).
Eight-ten-six.
All done at eight-ten-six?
Going ...
gone!
GRIMES, Eight, ten, six.
Take money for 'em.
Now we come to a very 'andsome work by Piffalini--"_The Ocarina Player_," one of this great artist's masterpieces, and an exceedingly choice and high-class work, as you will all agree directly you see it.
(_To_ ASSIST.
) Now, then, Lot 14, there--look sharp!
STOLID ASSIST.
"Hocarina Plier" eyn't arrived, Sir.
AUCT.
Oh, hasn't it?
Very well, then.
Lot 15. "_The Pretty Pill-taker_," by Antonio Bilio--a really magnificent work of Art, Gentlemen.
(_"Pill-taker, 'ere.!"
from the_ S. A.
) What'll you give me for her?
Come, make me an offer.
(_Bidding proceeds till the "Pill-taker" is knocked down for twenty-three-and-a-half guineas.
_) Lot 16, "_The Mixture as Before_," by same artist--make a charming and suitable companion to the last lot.
What do you say, MR. MIDDLEMAN--take it at the same bidding?
(Mr. M.
_assents, with the end of one eyebrow_.
) Any advance on twenty-three and a 'arf?
None?
Then,--MIDDLEMAN, Twenty-four, thirteen, six.
MR.
MIDDLEMAN (_to the_ AMIABLE SPECTATOR, _who has been vaguely inspecting the "Pill-taker"_).
Don't know if you noticed it, Sir, but I got that last couple very cheap--on'y forty-seven guineas the pair, and they are worth eighty, I solemnly declare to you.
I could get forty a piece for 'em to-morrow, upon my word and honour, I could.
Ah, and I know who'd _give_ it me for 'em, too!
THE A.
S.
(_sympathetically_).
Dear me, then you've done very well over it.
MR.
M.
Ah, well ain't the word--and those two aren't the only lots I've got either.
That "_Sandwich-Man_" over there is mine--look at the work in those boards, and the nature in his clay pipe; and "_The Boot-Black_," that's mine, too--all worth twice what _I_ got 'em for--and lovely things, too, ain't they?
THE A.
S.
Oh, very nice, very clever--congratulate you, I'm sure.
MR.
M.
I can see you've took a fancy to 'em, Sir, and, when I come across a gentleman that's a connysewer, I'm always sorry to stand in his light; so, see here, you can have any one you like out o' my little lot, or all on 'em, with all the pleasure in the wide world, Sir, and I'll on'y charge you five per cent.
on what I gave for 'em, and be exceedingly obliged to you, into the bargain, Sir.
(_The_ A. S.
_feebly disclaims any desire to take advantage of this magnanimous offer_.
) Don't say No, if you mean Yes, Sir.
Will you _'ave "The Pill-taker,"_ Sir?
THE A.
S.
(_politely_).
Thank you very much, but--er--I think _not_.
MR.
M.
Then perhaps you could do with "_The Little Boot-Black_," or "_The Sandwich-Man_," Sir?
THE A.
S.
Perhaps--but I could do still better _without_ them.
[_He moves to another part of the room.
_ THE OBL.
BROKER (_whispering beerily in his ear_).
Seen anythink yet as takes your fancy, Sir; 'cos, if so-- [THE A.
S.
_escapes to a dark corner--where he is warmly welcomed by_ MR.
MIDDLEMAN.
MR.
M.
_Knew_ you'd think better on it, Sir.
Now which is it to be--the "_Boot-Black_," or "_Mixture as Before_"?
AUCT.
Now we come to Lot 19. Massive fluted column in coral marble with revolving-top--a column, Gentlemen, which will speak for itself.
THE FACETIOUS BIDDER (_after a scrutiny_).
Then it may as well mention, while it's _about_ it, that it's got a bit out of its back!
AUCT.
Flaw in the marble, that's all.
(_To_ ASSIST.
) Nothing the _matter_ with the column, is there?
ASSIST.
(_with reluctant candour_).
Well, it _'as_ got a little chipped, Sir.
AUCT.
(_easily_).
Oh, very well then, we'll sell it "A. F."
Very glad it was found out in time, I'm sure.
[_Bidding proceeds.
_ FIRST DEALER _to_ SECOND (_in a husky whisper_).
Talkin' o' Old Masters, I put young 'Anway up to a good thing the other day.
SECOND D.
(_without surprise--probably from a knowledge of his friend's noble unselfish nature_).
Ah--'ow was that?
FIRST D.
Well, there was a picter as I 'appened to know could be got in for a deal under what it ought--in good 'ands, mind yer--to fetch.
It was a Morlan'--leastwise, it was so like you couldn't ha' told the difference, if you understand my meanin'.
(_The other nods with complete intelligence.
_) Well, I 'adn't no openin' for it myself just then, so I sez to young 'Anway, "You might do worse than go and 'ave a _look_ at it," I told him.
And I run against him yesterday, Wardour Street way, and I sez, "Did yer go and _see_ that picter?"
"Yes," sez he, "and what's more, I got it at pretty much my own figger, too!"
"Well," sez I, "and ain't yer goin' to _shake 'ands with me over it_?"
SECOND D.
(_interested_).
And _did_ he?
FIRST D.
Yes, he did--he beyaved very fair over the matter, I will say _that_ for him.
SECOND D.
Oh, 'Anway's a very decent little feller--_now_.
AUCT.
(_hopefully_).
Now, Gentlemen, this next lot'll tempt you, _I'_m sure!
Lot 33, a magnificent and very finely executed dramatic group out of the "_Merchant of Venice_," _Othello_ in the act of smothering _Desdemona_, both nearly life-size.
(ASSIST.
, _with a sardonic inflection_.
"_Group_ 'ere, _Gen'lm'n_!"
) What shall we say for this great work by Roccocippi, Gentlemen?
A hundred guineas, just to start us?
THE F.
B.
Can't you put the two figgers up separate?
AUCT.
You know better than that--being a group, Sir.
Come, come, any one give me a hundred for this magnificent marble group!
The figure of _Othello_ very finely finished, Gentlemen.
THE F.
B.
I should ha' thought it was _her_ who was the finely finished one of the two.
AUCT.
(_pained by this levity_).
Really, Gentlemen, _do_ 'ave more appreciation of a 'igh-class work like this!...
Twenty-five guineas?...
Nonsense!
I can't put it up at that.
[_Bidding languishes.
Lot withdrawn.
_ SECOND DISINTERESTED DEALER (_to_ FIRST D. D.
, _in an undertone_).
I
wouldn't tell every one, but I shouldn't like to see _you_ stay 'ere and waste your time; so, in case you _was_ thinking of waiting for that last lot, I may just as well mention-- [_Whispers.
_ FIRST D.
D.
Ah, it's _that_ way, is it?
Much obliged to you for the 'int.
But I'd do the same for you any day.
SECOND D.
D.
I'm _sure_ yer would!
[_They watch one another suspiciously.
_ AUCT.
Now 'ere's a tasteful thing, Gentlemen.
Lot.
41. "_Nymph eating Oysters_" ("_Nymph 'ere, Gen'lm'n!
_"), by the celebrated Italian artist Vabene, one of the finest works of Art in this room, and they're _all_ exceedingly fine works of Art; but this is a _truly_ work of Art, Gentlemen.
What shall we say for her, eh?
(_Silence.
_) Why, Gentlemen, no more appreciation than _that_?
Come, don't be afraid of it.
Make a beginning.
(_Bidding starts.
_) Forty-five guineas.
Forty-six--_pounds_.
Forty-six pounds only, this remarkable specimen of modern Italian Art.
Forty-six and a 'arf.
Only forty-six ten bid for it.
Give character to any gentleman's collection, a figure like this would.
Forty-seven _pounds_--_guineas_!
and a 'arf....
Forty-seven and a 'arf guineas....
For the last time!
Bidding with you, Sir.
Forty-seven guineas and a 'arf--Gone!
Name, Sir, if _you_ please.
Oh, money?
Very well.
Thank you.
PROUD PURCHASER (_to Friend, in excuse for his extravagance_).
You see, I must have something for that grotto I've got in the grounds.
HIS FRIEND.
If she was mine, I should put her in the hall, and have a gaslight fitted in the oyster-shell.
P.
P.
(_thoughtfully_).
Not a bad idea.
But electric light would be more suitable, and easier to fix too.
Yes--we'll see.
THE OBL.
BROKER (_pursuing the_ AM.
SPECT.
).
I 'ope, Sir, you'll remember me, next time you're this way.
THE AM.
SPECT.
(_who has only ransomed himself by taking over an odd lot, consisting of imitation marble fruit, a model, under crystal, of the Leaning Tower of Pisa, and three busts of Italian celebrities of whom he has never heard_).
I'm afraid I sh'an't have very much chance of forgetting you.
_Good_ afternoon!
[_Exit hurriedly, dropping the fruit, as Scene closes.
_ At the Guelph Exhibition.
